bubblygrl5 Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 To make a long story short, my bf cheated on me a couple of years ago, and after a few months apart, I took him back. We had both JUST graduated college...I had to stay and work, but he went on a trip to Europe...and well...had quite a trip! I think he slept with 3 girls...they were one night stands...which for some odd reason makes me happier than knowing he was having a full on affair on the side. BUT, cheating is cheating, and this was soooo wrong. He promised me we would be together the whole summer, but he gave in to his temptations. That was when we were 22, and now we're both 25. So, for the past 2 and a half yrs, he has been wonderful to me. I have truly seen him become a man. He is there for me in every way, emotionally, physically, and even financially. I am happy with him, but the scars of cheating never go away, and there ARE those days that I wake up furious...or see something that reminds me of what he did. He wants me to pretend I am dating a new guy - a new person - but I can't seem to completely shake off the feelings of what happened. I wonder if I will ever love him the way I used to when I was 22. I do love him now...but SOMETHING isnt there...I can't place it. I use to look at him so wide eyed, and be SO in love...and now something is different. I wonder if its me, and maybe I am not letting myself love him b/c of some defense mechanism. I feel guilty that he is giving me his ALL, and that I still might walk away in the end. Somedays I could be with him forever, and some days I can't...but I don't want to string him along. Can I love him like that again? Bubbly
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I feel guilty that he is giving me his ALL, and that I still might walk away in the end. Somedays I could be with him forever, and some days I can't...but I don't want to string him along. Can I love him like that again? First of all, he never gave it his all. If he had done that, he simply had not cheated on you. He betrayed your trust 4 times. That is not giving all. There is not a thing you can do, to destroy all the associations your mind has made with his cheating behavior. Because infidelity hurts you, you will always be afraid it might happen. AGAIN. So for as long as you remain with him, you will be occasionally reminded of his past indiscretions. For example, the dates on which the cheating happened. It was his idiotic ways, that caused you this pain. So the least you may expect from your bf, is that he is understanding, as he is the cause of it. He may want you to move on, but that is an emotional unreasonable request. The good news is, the more faithful and trusting he is nowadays, the weaker all these associations of the mind will grow. But it might take many years for them to almost completely disappear. The more time that has passed since the last 'incidents', the less the cheating will be on your mind. And yes, the innocence and naivity will be gone forever.
Recommended Posts