heyitsmike Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 my ex(20) and myself(23) of over 15 months have spent the past month going back and forth 3x about getting back together/breaking up. so i told her to work on herself and her depressed state (the current reason she feels she is not cut out to be in a relationship now) she told me that when she gets better she hopes to work on things, but she keeps stressing the issue of not knowing how long it will take for her to love herself again so she can love another. yeah this sucks, but we left things off on good terms, but that was before i made a dumb move.... so this past weekend i was visiting friends at the college we both attended (she is in her last year) and somehow ended up seeing her in front of the bar. well not eating all day and drinking that night caused me to do a bit of "word-vomiting" and i just kind of said anything that came to mind. phrases like "if you wanted to be with me you would," and "i just want to be the man you come home to," etc. but again (from what i remember) she kept saying she needs to be alone right now and she didn't want to do this right here in front of a bar. when we initially broke up i was cool calm and collective about her taking this time and we were fine. she ended up walking away from me a short time later and i felt absolutely terrible. i don't remember much of what happened, but that's the basic idea. she texted me within the hour something along the lines of "im toxic right now to be in any kind of relationship and i hope when i get better we might be able to work on things, but not right now." i texted her with a formal apology, admitting to having a few drinks in me and reassuring her that my priority is for her to be happy with herself more than anything. she responded by saying it was alright and there as no need to apologize. before this little incident, she was texting me every other day (since the break up which was 5 days earlier) checking in on me, making small talk, but still communicating with me. so now i haven't heard from her in 2 days and i suspect now with her starting classes today she'll be pretty busy. i obviously feel regret and everybody makes mistakes, but what i'm asking is if there is anything i can do? im trying to wrap my mind around just not contacting her until she contacts me, but i just hate myself that this is as of right now) our last interaction leaving a sour taste in my mouth. any advice/ wise words? any ways to recover from these types of post-breakup mistakes?
ThorntonMelon Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Here's how I'd look at it. You want to be with her, completely. She doesn't. If she decides she wants you back, you getting drunk and professing your love isn't going to change that. You're in the same place you were before. I don't think it was a major issue other than a little embarrassing. There's nothing to recover from. She knew you wanted her before, she knows now. Don't make it more than it is, just make sure you realize she is your past, not your future. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 What's to recover from? You were already broken up. She was being kind to you but never wanted to get back together. You mistook the kindness for a desire for reconciliation & under the influence tried to act on it by confessing your feelings. She reinforced that she wants to be alone & now her actions match her words. In some ways you may have done yourself a favor by pushing this because her kindness in checking on you was cruel in that it held you back from healing & moving forward.
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