WhiskeyJack Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I know this website is really really big into No Contact and I understand why. The fundementals make brilliant sense and it has been proven time and time again that it works. Works in getting you over your ex. As I assume thats the ultimate goal of NC. But for me, it wasn't something that helped at all or made me get over my ex. I gave it a good try the couple times I did try it. But every time it felt more awkward and strange than if I was talking to the ex. In the end I gave up with the NC and began talking to my ex as if he was the friend I had always had during our entire relationship. As of now I'm 10 months past the break up. I am over my ex of 5 years and we are on good friend terms. We still talk every other day, nothing to the point of intimacy, and remain confident in the level of trust we have in each other. I can ask him anything and I know he'd tell me the truth, and vice versa. No contact is a very good mechanism for help one to get over their ex. I just found it didn't work for me.* *Results not typical. Please try NC first before attempting. * 2
guest569 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Did you ever want to get back together with your ex?
Author WhiskeyJack Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 To be honest for the first while I did. Thats when I tired NC for the most part. But in reality when I was having a hard time I talked to him. I did everything you weren't supposed to do and he stood by me and help me through it all. At this point I no longer want him as a partner in life, but I sure as hell want him as a friend. And we're on the same page. My result isn't typical, but it does happen on the rare occasion. 1
guest569 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 It sounds like you accepted early on that it was over for good. I personally could definitely not achieve this result.
Author WhiskeyJack Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 I did accept it early on, cause it's what he told me. I refused to go into thinking he had alliterative motives behind what he was actually thinking. Why do you think that? *I'm not suggesting you can't or won't, just curious as to why you say that*
guest569 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Mine was initially very indecisive, but within the days following the breakup he made it clear that it was definitely over and it was more certain about it. There was no doubt for me that it was over, but still 8 months later in my mind, i still have hope. I desperately want him back. I'm madly in love with him and maybe I will be for a long time, so friendship or any contact whatsoever would be torture for me. I hate it and am still tempted to reach out to him now.
JFReyes Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 As of now I'm 10 months past the break up. I am over my ex of 5 years and we are on good friend terms. We still talk every other day, nothing to the point of intimacy, and remain confident in the level of trust we have in each other. I can ask him anything and I know he'd tell me the truth, and vice versa. I'm a year past the BU of a 10 year relationship with my ex. Since then both of us went NC but recently I broke it and was met with a positive response. While I accept that the relationship is over, I don't (and it looks like she doesn't) want to lose the friendship; 10 years is a long time and we're both mature (50+) adults. She explained to me that she was ok maintaining occasional friendly contact as long as no love stories were mentioned. My question then is, would stepping over that boundary be a deal breaker for you/him? I ask because I recently started dating a new gal and it looks promising so it may be difficult to hide that fact, although I certainly won't volunteer it. Any suggestions on how to handle this? Thanks,
hedyo Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 It's possible to get over an ex without going NC, but it's not easy. I went straight from being a couple to being friends with my last ex. The breakup was mutual and amicable, and we even lived together as friends for six months after the breakup. Two years later, he started dating someone else, and I realized that even though I had no romantic feelings for him, I felt possessive because our breakup never really felt final. I went NC for a month, and finally let go of our old relationship and any vague ideas of reconciliation. We're still friends now, and we can discuss dating others without any hurt feelings on either side. But I don't think that would have been possible without time apart, and I think we both would have moved on sooner if we'd gone NC straight away. To be honest, I can't think of any breakup I've had that wouldn't have benefited from going NC - whether the goal was reconciliation or a healthy friendship.
JDPT Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Keep in mind that NC is one of that many fundamental techniques to help you move forward with your life. You should not solely rely on NC to improve your current state. IF your ultimate goal is to "get over" an ex and move on with the many more chapters you have yet to experience in your life, then NC is a fundamental pillar that should be vigorously applied. You would have to do some self-analysis and see what it is that you are looking to accomplish and adhere to it diligently.
spiderowl Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I think No Contact definitely has its good points if someone is repeatedly exposed to the person who hurt them. I find it unnatural - it is natural to want understanding of what's happened, closure. Getting it may not be a happy conclusion, but sometimes it helps. No Contact I feel is also intended to be a form of punishment for the leaver. They are cut off from you and have no way of resolving any issues they might have as a result of leaving. There is some satisfaction in this at times. If you can cope with seeing the other person and becoming a friend or acquaintance instead of lover, then you probably don't need No Contact. You just need to be sure you can cope and that it's the best way forward for you. After all, No Contact is all about caring for the one who has been left behind.
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 This thread tempted me to contact, but I mustn't I have to make it to the 30-day mark, then the 60-day mark, then the what day is it mark
Sugarkane Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I wish more breakups could be more mature. Instead of no explanation, everything unresolved and never talking again. Personally I don't think I could stay in contact and see them all the time. Sounds like torture so soon after a breakup.
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