emmahattie Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Basically the guy I'm 'seeing' hasn't bothered to see me in a month. I've pulled him up on it twice before and tonight I finally told him what I'm really feeling. Just explained that the fact that he's not really made the effort to see me in a month and kind of brushes my requests off etc. has made me feel really crap about everything and that he really doesn't like me as much as he says. I did quote a few things that people told me when I posted in this forum last (he's not that interested, he's keeping his options open...) and said I feel like I'm being really strung along. So tonight when I challenged him about it he said "but I'm honestly not?! I know you have trust issues but I don't know what you want me to tell you? I do really like you and I do want to see you again. You just seem to be rushing way ahead of me. I'm like "sweet met a really nice girl, have to see her when I can" and you're worrying about things like "what do you want from me, what if there's other girls" and all this'. The trouble is, he's unemployed and not in school so he has a lot of time on his hands so I don't understand what this whole thing about 'I have to see her when I can' is about. We've been talking 3 months and been on one date and that was a month ago but yet he's still insisting that he really likes me and saying why would he waste his time even texting me if he didn't really want anything with me. Have no clue what to do now, I'm so annoyed that I've not seen him in such a long time and I said to him how are things meant to develop when I never see you? I really like this guy and really don't want to get rid of him but I don't know how to get through to him, everything feels so unsure now, I don't even know when I'm going to see him again?!
preraph Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Seriously, what could you possibly see in this guy? He's not in school, he's not working, and all he does is text and he's as good as told you he's also interested in other girls by virtue of the fact of trying to make you sound crazy for bringing it up. I don't know what you two are texting about, but if it's sexting, just know that some guys are perfectly fine doing that and nothing else. He's got nothing going for himself that I can tell. He probably sits around all day gaming or something. He's had all the time in the world and you are way far down on his priority list -- if he even has a priority list since not much reason to prioritize anything if you're not doing anything. You have to stop listening to his words and put more credence in his actions. And his actions are all he does is text. 2
Elias33 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 He treats you badly? He doesn't have a job? He sees you rarely? I think you've provided yourself with an answer.... this sounds like it's not going anywhere. 2
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Like I always say, go by their actions and not what they tell you. He is probably perfectly happy just texting you and that's it. Have you not heard of the saying you can bring a horse to water but you can't force them to drink? Well you can't force him to want to see you. The only one that is frustrating you is YOU. You can easily solve this...breakup with him and find someone who would love to see you all the time. Someone who wants to share their life with you, hold you romance you. This guy has been keeping you at bay for over 3 months....come on now, if things haven't changed by now, they never will. Sorry but there is no solution to get him to be the BF you want him to be.
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 BTW don't you think you deserve better than him??? I think the majority here thinks you do. 1
Author emmahattie Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 BTW don't you think you deserve better than him??? I think the majority here thinks you do. We've been speaking for an hour about it and he said he's no good with stuff with girls and it's completely out of his comfort zone (which I do believe, he is autistic and has anxiety disorder - I understand the anxiety side as I have it too). He said he's not done it on purpose and he's been ill, skint and in a crap state of mind which I'm not totally sure I buy, except the skint part. I know I do deserve better and I hate to write some silly sob story but I've been treated badly by every single guy that I've ever been with. I'm 20 and I have the worst trust issues, I have unhealthy relationships with guys just because I want to be loved and cared for for the first time instead of abused and treated like dirt which is why I've been giving this guy a chance for so long because he's been so lovely to me in the way he speaks to me.
fred123 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 We've been speaking for an hour about it and he said he's no good with stuff with girls and it's completely out of his comfort zone (which I do believe, he is autistic and has anxiety disorder - I understand the anxiety side as I have it too). He said he's not done it on purpose and he's been ill, skint and in a crap state of mind which I'm not totally sure I buy, except the skint part. I know I do deserve better and I hate to write some silly sob story but I've been treated badly by every single guy that I've ever been with. I'm 20 and I have the worst trust issues, I have unhealthy relationships with guys just because I want to be loved and cared for for the first time instead of abused and treated like dirt which is why I've been giving this guy a chance for so long because he's been so lovely to me in the way he speaks to me. are you seeing a counsellor? you keep going for wrong guys! i had a friend like you. take some time out. what are your passions?
preraph Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 You're young and you can work on getting better relationships. But to do that, you have to stop accepting the unacceptable and set some standards. You want a guy who is either in school or working, who takes you on real dates. If you keep letting guys in without expecting anything from them, nothing is what you will get. Put on a smile, wear something v-necked with a good bra or whatever to show just a small amount of cleavage. Don't dress like a boy. Do your hair and makeup. Trot yourself out there and don't even get started unless they have a job/school and want to take you out on a real date. Don't sleep with them on the first couple of dates. Ask them questions and get to know them. If you have any texting guys that have been keeping you just texting for longer than 2 weeks, cut them off and block them. You want action, not someone sitting around wanking because that's all they're confident enough to do! Good luck. Cut him loose. He's not up to it. He's not worthy of you.
Author emmahattie Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 are you seeing a counsellor? you keep going for wrong guys! i had a friend like you. take some time out. what are your passions? Unfortunately not at the moment! I've just quit university due to crippling anxiety and depression so I've just moved back home and I'm waiting to re register with my doctor to get referred. Unfortunately I seem to attract the wrong guys like bees to a honey pot, it baffles me because I've genuinely never come across a guy that treats me the way I should be yet everyone around me is in these perfect long term relationships... My main passion is music though, I play clarinet and sax and I also DJ so you could say it takes up a huge part of my life! I want to start travelling soon as well, it's my dream - and will hopefully become a passion of mine!
travelbug1996 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 If you suffer with anxiety and depression why not work on those issues intstead of sweating this guy? He sounds like a total tool and a broke waste of time. You probably shouldn't be hounding a man to pursue you or pursuing a man. Wait until a guy comes along that wants to cherish and adore you. Clearly this guy isn't interested in that way you should focus on getting happy with yourself first.
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 You know what you are going through with your anxiety and depression, so why are you compounding it by dating someone with worse mental problems?? This is why this sucks. His issues are causing your worries. You need to put your desires aside, and see the red flags, and knowledge them, never overlook them. This is what self worth is all about, making healthy choices. I hope therapy will help you get to this level of knowing what is best for you.
Gloria25 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I'm just curious here, if he has these disabilities, what has he been doing to get a job and/or go to school in the past months?
Zahara Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Unfortunately I seem to attract the wrong guys like bees to a honey pot, it baffles me because I've genuinely never come across a guy that treats me the way I should be yet everyone around me is in these perfect long term relationships...! It does say something about you, in that you would settle and tolerate someone that's had one date with you in three months, isn't employed and does nothing with his time. Whatever his issues, you certainly need to work on yourself as well. Sometimes we attract people with the same negative and unhealthy energy we emit. Instead of compounding your issues by involving and staying with crap guys until they run you ragged, dump this clown, stay single and just go be you. Be independent and emotionally free for awhile.
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