bbell89 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 So basically my dating life is totally non existent. I'm 24 y/o, kinda a loner, never had a gf, don't have any friends, live with a family member and i'm working full-time at this local supermarket. I've tried up to 8 different online dating sites in the past 6 years and haven't met anyone. I tried Tinder in Feb. and actually met 2 girls but they both stopped contact after the date for reasons unknown. I went on my first date last Aug. with my co-worker but she pulled the disappearing act to after a couple weeks and eventually deleted me from FB then quit her job (Also no explanation). I've seen her a couple times since then but she completely ignored me so that's that. Recently Tinder has done nothing for me and it seems like i got the luck of the draw earlier in the year. I always saw my job being a great option as far as dating potential with customers since we have a lot of business in our store but I've never met someone that i can tell who's been interested in me and i've worked there for 4 years. Despite this, a lot of my coworkers have no problem with getting numbers from women who shop at the store and i don't know how they do it since we can't flirt with our customers or ask for their numbers. I don't go to parties, clubs, etc. just because I don't enjoy them or feel comfortable and I don't have any friends to give me a hook up so those options are out. Currently i'm not on any dating sites, Tinder or have any prospects at work. I'm just go to work then go home. Any help?
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) You not having any experience, no friends, and do nothing socially, that means you have no life, no substance, no connections with people....that's why you have them running away from you. They know, they will be the only thing in your world, and that is a turn off. No girl wants a guy that's going to be codependent on the relationship. You need to step out of your comfort zone and see the world, meet people and socialize. You definitely need to make a few friends. If you like gaming, or D&D, join a club, go to a gaming cafe or something so you can interact with others. Grab a family member and head off to a sports bar and hang out, or invite one of the guys at work to hang out after work. If you don't get off your butt, and interact with the souls around you, you will be a creepy recluse. As for dating sites, they are only a tool to use, not a miracle worker to get you a girl. The presentation, who you are, how you look and how you interact with people is what gets you the girl Edited August 25, 2014 by smackie9 4
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 BTW if anxiety is a real issue with you, there is drug therapy for that. It might be something you could look into...it mayt give you the leg up you have been looking for.
Author bbell89 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) BTW if anxiety is a real issue with you, there is drug therapy for that. It might be something you could look into...it mayt give you the leg up you have been looking for. I was prescribed Zoloft in March but I didn't like the side effects so I quit taking it. Same thing happened in High School but I was prescribed Lexapro. I don't like taking drugs that much. The problem with games is that i'm not very good at them or at least the popular ones, I usually play because i'm bored. Edited August 25, 2014 by bbell89
preraph Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Before you worry about dating, you need to first learn how to make and keep friends. You can't expect someone to just come into the life of a nonsocial person and be happy. You have to learn to be social. 1
Author bbell89 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Before you worry about dating, you need to first learn how to make and keep friends. You can't expect someone to just come into the life of a nonsocial person and be happy. You have to learn to be social. How do you do that? I only had about 2 people I could call friends growing up but I found out that both of them were talking behind my back so I stopped talking to them and moved out of state. I actually went to the movies with one of them a month ago when i came back to town to visit my family since he lives literally across the street from my mom. The other one left for the Navy in April and I only know what he's doing from Instagram updates. Speaking of friends I forgot to add that I let slip that I didn't have any friends to hang out with when i went on the date with the coworker. I think that might've been the reason she stopped talking to me
Lani Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Yeh, I agree that you need to get some friends first. Girls like to know that guys have a social life outside of their relationship. I think the only real option here is for you to try meetups. You'd probably be surprised how many people are in your same position, or are just looking for more friends to add to their social circle. It'll be difficult and you'll feel awkward at first, but stick with it. Making friends is a big boost to your confidence, you'll see
bu2002 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Dating should really be the last thing on your mind right now. As the second poster said, you first need to work on becoming more social and getting a life that you're satisfied with and want to share with someone else. A relationship won't work without that. You're trying to fly and can't even crawl yet. Search online for any self-improvment books that could help you on being more social and carving out a life of your own. Do you have any goals for yourself? Start there and work your way up piece by piece. It could be learning to live on your own, then building up a social network, pursuing some professional goals, and going from there. 1
sid3 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Dating should really be the last thing on your mind right now. As the second poster said, you first need to work on becoming more social and getting a life that you're satisfied with and want to share with someone else. A relationship won't work without that. You're trying to fly and can't even crawl yet. Search online for any self-improvment books that could help you on being more social and carving out a life of your own. Do you have any goals for yourself? Start there and work your way up piece by piece. It could be learning to live on your own, then building up a social network, pursuing some professional goals, and going from there. I'd say this is spot on OP. Focus on improving your life for yourself first, once you have, finding someone with who to share it with will be much easier. Keep in mind dating is in many ways similar to a sport. It takes practice, the agony of defeat (rejection) and the thrill of victory(finding someone that truly adds to your life)
Author bbell89 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Yeh, I agree that you need to get some friends first. Girls like to know that guys have a social life outside of their relationship. I think the only real option here is for you to try meetups. You'd probably be surprised how many people are in your same position, or are just looking for more friends to add to their social circle. It'll be difficult and you'll feel awkward at first, but stick with it. Making friends is a big boost to your confidence, you'll see The thing is that i like being a loner. I don't know what I would meet up for though, i don't have many hobbies or things i enjoy doing
Lani Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 The thing is that i like being a loner. I don't know what I would meet up for though, i don't have many hobbies or things i enjoy doing Then why do you want to date? 2
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I was prescribed Zoloft in March but I didn't like the side effects so I quit taking it. Same thing happened in High School but I was prescribed Lexapro. I don't like taking drugs that much. The problem with games is that i'm not very good at them or at least the popular ones, I usually play because i'm bored. Behavior therapy and self-help strategies can help you get to the bottom of your underlying issues and develop the tools to beat anxiety for good. Effort and the drive to want to change is key. You may not like our suggestions....but everyone is being truthful here...these are your options.
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 The thing is that i like being a loner. Ya because it's safe, nothing changes because you can't handle change.
Author bbell89 Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Then why do you want to date? Because i've seen loners in relationships
Lani Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Because i've seen loners in relationships And? If you're happy being a loner then why do you want someone to spend your time with? 1
irc333 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Yeh, I agree that you need to get some friends first. Girls like to know that guys have a social life outside of their relationship. I think the only real option here is for you to try meetups. You'd probably be surprised how many people are in your same position, or are just looking for more friends to add to their social circle. It'll be difficult and you'll feel awkward at first, but stick with it. Making friends is a big boost to your confidence, you'll see Incidentally, we get a quite a few people at Meetups that couple up...and then you never see them again. So there goes that, "A woman would like someone to have a social life outside of their own sig. others" when they are completely focused on each other.
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Liked just because you mentioned D&D. As a long-time D&D player, I have to warn the OP that he probably won't meet any women at those games. Can make some good friends and have a good time though! Highly recommended! That's why I mentioned it, to make friends and to interact with others. I just happen to be at a game shop with my friend. There were D&D tournaments going on at the back. It was packed with all kinds of people playing...... looked like everyone was having a good time.
Gloria25 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Look, I'm sorta a "loner", but I do get out and mix with the people... I'm not a doctor, but can you talk to your doctor about getting off the pills already? I mean, now a days people just pop pills to deal with moods and IMO, the pills leave them worst and/or like zombies. I try to volunteer, and while I don't like to talk to people, when I volunteer I actually end up making conversations with people cuz it pushes me out of my shell. Also, try do sign up for "meet-up" activities. If you do activities with others that you share in common (i.e. a chess club) you can work on your social skills and/or even meet a chick who at least has some things in common with you. Try using your workplace to practice chatting with people. Since it's a supermarket, I'm sure they try to encourage you all to talk to the shoppers. Old people love to talk. I hate sometimes when the people at the supermarket want to chat me up, but I reciprocate and it's all good. If other people at your job are landing numbers and you aren't, based on your posting here, I think it's cuz you need to sharpen your socialization skills.
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 bbbell89 What are your hobbies & interests? Get involved with groups that do those things. If you like sports join a co-ed team. Do something that forces you to interact with people. Join a group like the Elks, the Moose, the local Fire Department, the Lions . . . something that mixes social & charity. They aren't all old men's clubs any more. Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about. It's political season. Work on somebody's campaign. Walk dogs at a shelter. Pick up garbage on the side of the road to help the environment. Think about taking some classes either at a nearby school if you don't have a degree or adult education classes so you can learn a new skill. Get involved in alumni associations. Find out if there are groups for people your age at Church. 1
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