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Ladies: Best Methods for Getting Over A Strong Attraction To A Guy?

LoveIsABattlefield36

By LoveIsABattlefield36
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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
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Hi again, (a special hello to @Tbisb74 & @Versacehottie),

 

This thread is actually a spinoff of one I posted a few weeks back - https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/487348-guys-would-you-lose-interest-girl-just-because-she-debated-you - and many of you were sooooo helpful, but since I don't have PM privileges yet, had to post another thread.

 

Well, I'll keep it brief:

 

First - I have been behaving myself. :) have been making a conscious effort to be kinder, gentler, non-combative during debates...because well, starting to really like this guy more and more and I realize you can't get the bee with vinegar. Also, I really took into account things that were stated in regards to the perception of my personality in previous thread buuuuuuuut...

 

The other day we were sitting alone in the same space and he was doing his best to make small talk. In walks another girl (he has quite a few admirers) and she strikes up a convo with him and I can tell he's trying not to talk to her too much, but he doesn't want to be rude.

 

A second girl (that likes him also) comes in and starts talking to them both (I felt strongly she was trying to keep an eye on him.)

 

I get up quietly to leave for lunch and decide I will return to another office when I come back...my jealous side kicked in...and I am so not a jealous person!

 

Anyway, I see him later on and he gives me this look of disappointment, turns around and ignores me. I keep going and decide to keep my distance from here on out...I PROMISE myself I will go nowhere near him ever again and then he sees me the other day and tells me there is a client he'd like for me to work with. BOY!

 

So, the problem is...I can't do this! Starting to like him more by the day but...these women....It seems he's got this weird talent for bringing all of my once unknown insecurities to the surface...I want to get rid of him! LOL!

 

Why am I such a hard ass with everything else and such a softie in love? How do I make myself stop liking him? Is there a trick?

  • Like 1
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

First - I have been behaving myself. :) have been making a conscious effort to be kinder, gentler, non-combative during debates...because well, starting to really like this guy more and more and I realize you can't get the bee with vinegar. Also, I really took into account things that were stated in regards to the perception of my personality in previous thread buuuuuuuut...

 

Don't change your personality because a bunch of strangers on the internet say so. Be yourself. If you enjoy a hearty debate and have strong opinions, then be who you are, and if he can't handle it, he isn't the guy for you anyway.

 

Anyway, I see him later on and he gives me this look of disappointment, turns around and ignores me. I keep going and decide to keep my distance from here on out...I PROMISE myself I will go nowhere near him ever again and then he sees me the other day and tells me there is a client he'd like for me to work with. BOY!
You are overreacting, and speculating about what he is feeling. You don't know WHY he was giving you a "look of disappointment". It could be anything! It could be that he was trying to hold back a sneeze or something! You just don't know.

 

So, the problem is...I can't do this! Starting to like him more by the day but...these women....It seems he's got this weird talent for bringing all of my once unknown insecurities to the surface...I want to get rid of him! LOL!
You want to get rid of him simply because other women like him? Ack. You are stronger than that.

 

Why am I such a hard ass with everything else and such a softie in love?
You are letting your fears and insecurities dictate what you do, which is wrong. Feel the fear, and then breathe and just go for it.

 

How do I make myself stop liking him? Is there a trick?
Yes. Let him know. Ask him out. Get the answer once and for all - is he interested or not? If he is, he'll say yes and you can get to know him - the REAL him, not just the fantasy you've created in your head. If he says NO, then you can work on moving on.

 

What you are doing now - over-analyzing his every facial expression and word and gesture - is incredibly silly and non-productive. Take action instead. Be tough. Know that you are worth getting to know, and that if he doesn't want to know you, that HE is the one missing out.

  • Like 4
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

"Why am I such a hard ass with everything else and such a softie in love? How do I make myself stop liking him? Is there a trick?"

 

I'm like that too. I guess it is insecurities. The good news is if you're that big of a hard ass, then you should be able to shine some of that wrath down on yourself and discipline yourself to refocus away from him. Think two bad things about him every time you start to pine after him or lust for him. I have done this in a hopeless situation and it worked, although I did such a good job of it that when I read my journals a couple of decades later, I realized that no matter what he was saying or doing, we did have a relationship, as messed up and incomplete as it was. He had me thinking I was the crazy one, seriously. The whole time it was him that had the big issue.

 

Make yourself stay busy with friends, and try not to talk about him too much. Just build better memories to crowd out this confusion and sadness.

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Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted

100% no contact and let time do its thing.

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Don't change your personality because a bunch of strangers on the internet say so. Be yourself. If you enjoy a hearty debate and have strong opinions, then be who you are, and if he can't handle it, he isn't the guy for you anyway.

 

You are overreacting, and speculating about what he is feeling. You don't know WHY he was giving you a "look of disappointment". It could be anything! It could be that he was trying to hold back a sneeze or something! You just don't know.

 

You want to get rid of him simply because other women like him? Ack. You are stronger than that.

 

You are letting your fears and insecurities dictate what you do, which is wrong. Feel the fear, and then breathe and just go for it.

 

Yes. Let him know. Ask him out. Get the answer once and for all - is he interested or not? If he is, he'll say yes and you can get to know him - the REAL him, not just the fantasy you've created in your head. If he says NO, then you can work on moving on.

 

What you are doing now - over-analyzing his every facial expression and word and gesture - is incredibly silly and non-productive. Take action instead. Be tough. Know that you are worth getting to know, and that if he doesn't want to know you, that HE is the one missing out.

 

Thank you, pteromom.

 

You are so right as I can analyze until the cows come home.

 

I know that I shouldn't care about the other girls. It's pointless in a world where most have more than one admirer at any one time anyways.

 

I would love to get to know him and he's shown interest on multiple occasions.

 

Perhaps I'll just continue talking to him and see how it goes.

MoreCoffee Established Member

MoreCoffee

Posted
Posted

I don't know him, but for me, there is nothing more endearing than when a strong woman shows a little vulnerability. I know she's strong, she knows she's strong but she is willing to allow me to see the whole person, behind the red S.

  • Like 2
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

You could have Venus-Pluto synastry between your two astrological charts. I discovered this powerful aspect by accident and still cannot allow myself to think of that man because I will become obsessed again.

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
"Why am I such a hard ass with everything else and such a softie in love? How do I make myself stop liking him? Is there a trick?"

 

I'm like that too. I guess it is insecurities. The good news is if you're that big of a hard ass, then you should be able to shine some of that wrath down on yourself and discipline yourself to refocus away from him. Think two bad things about him every time you start to pine after him or lust for him. I have done this in a hopeless situation and it worked, although I did such a good job of it that when I read my journals a couple of decades later, I realized that no matter what he was saying or doing, we did have a relationship, as messed up and incomplete as it was. He had me thinking I was the crazy one, seriously. The whole time it was him that had the big issue.

 

Make yourself stay busy with friends, and try not to talk about him too much. Just build better memories to crowd out this confusion and sadness.

 

 

Thanks preraph,

 

You're always so helpful.

 

This is a good one. It used to be my trick for the longest time. How did I forget it?

 

No, don't talk to him much at all now. If he goes West, I go East. Ha!

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
100% no contact and let time do its thing.

 

 

Time. That greatest tester of authenticity.

 

I guess that's what I'm waiting for. To see if he's true about me. He hasn't really shown me anything otherwise, I'm just scared (there's a whole back story here.)

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
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Posted
I don't know him, but for me, there is nothing more endearing than when a strong woman shows a little vulnerability. I know she's strong, she knows she's strong but she is willing to allow me to see the whole person, behind the red S.

 

 

Thanks MC.

 

I feel like he can see right through me and he knows but, I refuse to give up control. *sigh* he flushed candy apple red when I walked in the other day. It's like he was trying to hide it but, no dice.

 

Can you tell I'm confused?

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
You could have Venus-Pluto synastry between your two astrological charts. I discovered this powerful aspect by accident and still cannot allow myself to think of that man because I will become obsessed again.

 

Hi FC,

 

Another lover of astrology?

 

I have also taken this into account. Don't know his birthdate but Let me check this out.

Edited by LoveIsABattlefield36
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)

like pteromom said analysing facial expressions is non productive......i do it a lot....which eventually makes me not do anything especially when they are really quite ambiguous facial expressions, could mean a lot of things none of them emotional but more physical responses..............

 

 

the only way you can truly get over it is to do something instead of just observing.....ask to get to know him better....ask him out......and if he says yes you have your answer conclusively....if he says no....well thats an answer too and it is easier to get over a strong attraction when you know the guy has no interest in you....and you can then find a guy to be interested in that reciprocates interest hopefully....

 

i really liked this guy ....he didnt like me..which was quite new to me never had a guy before not reciprocate attraction when i was attracted to a guy.....it was really new to me...being the one to make the first move....so i made my move anyway not quite sure but strong enough to be vulnerable..... and i found out there was nothing there.... i was able to move on and be with a guy who did like me...........lol...didnt work out entirely....we broke up.... but my attraction then faded to the guy who rejected me.......limit contact with the guy if he says no thanks.....and move on date another......i wish you well.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
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Posted
like pteromom said analysing facial expressions is non productive......i do it a lot....which eventually makes me not do anything especially when they are really quite ambiguous facial expressions, could mean a lot of things none of them emotional but more physical responses..............

 

 

the only way you can truly get over it is to do something instead of just observing.....ask to get to know him better....ask him out......and if he says yes you have your answer conclusively....if he says no....well thats an answer too and it is easier to get over a strong attraction when you know the guy has no interest in you....and you can then find a guy to be interested in that reciprocates interest hopefully....

 

i really liked this guy ....he didnt like me..which was quite new to me never had a guy before not reciprocate attraction when i was attracted to a guy.....it was really new to me...being the one to make the first move....so i made my move anyway not quite sure but strong enough to be vulnerable..... and i found out there was nothing there.... i was able to move on and be with a guy who did like me...........lol...didnt work out entirely....we broke up.... but my attraction then faded to the guy who rejected me.......limit contact with the guy if he says no thanks.....and move on date another......i wish you well.....deb

 

 

Thanks todreamingblue.

 

Ask him out? I would die! I'm gonna need to let this thing settle on its own. :eek:

 

I applaud your courage, I truly do but I...I...would die!

 

I think it's best to just let it go.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
Thanks todreamingblue.

 

Ask him out? I would die! I'm gonna need to let this thing settle on its own. :eek:

 

I applaud your courage, I truly do but I...I...would die!

 

I think it's best to just let it go.

 

there was this thing on youtube this sort of experiment where they got people to ring the ones they were attracted to and just say why they thought they were special...not to ask them out or anything just to say why they really appreciated them.........every single person who did this felt good after..i actually do this alot with my family and close friends ill just ring and say hey i was thinking about you.....or it was really good to hear your voice.......maybe you could do that just ring him and tell him what you find good about him say you are doing a social thing where you have to push your boundaries....act vague if he questions you,and just go into talking about what you appreciate about him..:p......which brings me to my question.....why do you like him?..why are you attracted to him........deb

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted (edited)

Look, this weekend I was listening to Pandora and on came Ricardo Arjona's song "El problema" and I you could translate all of it to English for you!!! Some of the lyrics go like this: 'How do I get away from you, if you're so far away?', 'How do I get rid of you, if I never had you?'

 

I'm sorta going through something similar where I'm trying to keep my attraction in check with a guy who isn't feeling it like I am.

 

I just say be yourself, be friendly...you can't lose nothing with that.

 

Oh, and what to do in the meantime? Stay busy and relieve your tensions with something with batteries (if you know what I mean :bunny:)...lol.

Edited by Gloria25
  • Like 1
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted
Thanks todreamingblue.

 

Ask him out? I would die! I'm gonna need to let this thing settle on its own. :eek:

 

I applaud your courage, I truly do but I...I...would die!

 

I think it's best to just let it go.

 

No, you wouldn't die.

 

I promise!

 

There are ways to ask someone out that takes off the edge of the risk of rejection... plan an office party and invite him; get some co-workers to go out for coffee and invite him; set up a lunch and invite him; ask him to help you with something you are trying to figure out at work.

 

Or - there are ways to send strong hints... "Have you seen the trailer for (insert movie name here). Man, that looks awesome!"

 

But you can ask him out. Even as a friend - doesn't have to start out as a DATE. And you won't die.

  • Like 3
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

yay had to go searching through my watched you tube things and i found the link....take particular note of the girl who says i am going to die when she has to ring this guy she likes............smilin...she doesnt die ...surprise surprise.....neither will you.....:D

 

 

  • Like 1
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
No, you wouldn't die.

 

I promise!

 

There are ways to ask someone out that takes off the edge of the risk of rejection... plan an office party and invite him; get some co-workers to go out for coffee and invite him; set up a lunch and invite him; ask him to help you with something you are trying to figure out at work.

 

Or - there are ways to send strong hints... "Have you seen the trailer for (insert movie name here). Man, that looks awesome!"

 

But you can ask him out. Even as a friend - doesn't have to start out as a DATE. And you won't die.

 

I agree ^^, but tweaking it a bit....

 

That's the benefits of being in close proximity of someone you're into (i.e. the workplace, school, community events) because you can share experiences with them and/or invite them to things w/o the pressure of actually "dating" them.

 

Just be careful with trying to date people you work with, if it fails, and lots of RLs do...the workplace can get sticky cuz you gotta see them on the regular.

  • Like 1
Mrin Established Member

Mrin

Posted
Posted

Ya I gotta say I am really perplexed here. I guess I should read the OP's original thread... Seriously OP, you kinda sound like a woman who gets what she wants who has met her kryptonite. That's kinda cool isn't it?

 

My GF would tell you that when you find someone like that you should consider surrendering to the moment. I'm still learning what she means by that. Anyhow, I won't do that line of reasoning any justice so I'll engage your inner Type A.

 

It sounds like you really want this guy. And the only thing that freaks you out is how badly you want him. Okay, cool - well, don't be freaked out by it. Be exhilarated! No second guessing. No, do I really like him. Cool, so you found something you want now go out and get it. As others have said, ask him out. I know that freaks you out so do what others have said and make it a group activity. A friend thing. It sounds like you have amazing chemistry together so just being next to each other in a social setting would probably cause the sparks to fly.

 

You do this sort of stuff all the time. A project plan. How to get from point A to point Z. Put it together. Make a project out of it.

 

Or you could do what my GF would suggest and just surrender to the moment. To him. Drop your guard. And see where it goes.

 

Anyhow, the only other thing I will mention is that when you do feel this elusive chemistry. Don't ignore it. Don't run from it. It is really quite rare and don't squander it out of some sense of self preservation or fear. Run with it sister!

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
there was this thing on youtube this sort of experiment where they got people to ring the ones they were attracted to and just say why they thought they were special...not to ask them out or anything just to say why they really appreciated them.........every single person who did this felt good after..i actually do this alot with my family and close friends ill just ring and say hey i was thinking about you.....or it was really good to hear your voice.......maybe you could do that just ring him and tell him what you find good about him say you are doing a social thing where you have to push your boundaries....act vague if he questions you,and just go into talking about what you appreciate about him..:p......which brings me to my question.....why do you like him?..why are you attracted to him........deb

 

Oh, todreamingblue,

 

This sounds sooooooooooo cool. I'm still too much of a punk though. Lol!

 

Well, why do I like him? Errrr...other than the fact that he's brilliantly intelligent, good at what he does, compassionate, kind, cultured...and cayute to boot, is it fair to say that he sort of made me like him?

 

Honest, he wasn't on my radar until this past Valentine's Day when he put a single heart candy down in front of me while I was on the phone. There was always a slight tension between us, however, for some reason, I just had a gut feeling all day long that day that he was going to do something if he got me alone.

 

Got off the phone and never mentioned a word about it. I wasn't being rude, it was almost as if his gesture just went right over my head. Like I knew it happened, but didn't know it happened. Maybe because I wasn't attracted to him at the time...and because I was distracted. Took the candy home and threw it in my candy jar still thinking nothing of it.

 

After, I noticed he would always give me these adoring looks and I always felt he wanted to ask me out to the point one night I said "do you want to ask me something?" because I just had that feeling again and he started looking weird and just said "no". Used to always look my body up and down (that stopped after we really started to talk)...and other things but, meh, maybe I've been reading too much into it.

 

I think it's so sweet what you do for your family and friends.

Edited by LoveIsABattlefield36
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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

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Posted
Look, this weekend I was listening to Pandora and on came Ricardo Arjona's song "El problema" and I you could translate all of it to English for you!!! Some of the lyrics go like this: 'How do I get away from you, if you're so far away?', 'How do I get rid of you, if I never had you?'

 

I'm sorta going through something similar where I'm trying to keep my attraction in check with a guy who isn't feeling it like I am.

 

I just say be yourself, be friendly...you can't lose nothing with that.

 

Oh, and what to do in the meantime? Stay busy and relieve your tensions with something with batteries (if you know what I mean :bunny:)...lol.

 

Gloria!

 

I love Pandora!

 

Never heard of Ricardo A before, so I'll def be checking him out.

 

Aye mommy, El Problemo this guy is! Like, what did I do to deserve this???

 

I have been keeping busy and lol, not with batteries but for this papi, it might just be necessary!

 

Gloria, I see you speak from experience! Ha!

 

Thank you!!!

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No, you wouldn't die.

 

I promise!

 

There are ways to ask someone out that takes off the edge of the risk of rejection... plan an office party and invite him; get some co-workers to go out for coffee and invite him; set up a lunch and invite him; ask him to help you with something you are trying to figure out at work.

 

Or - there are ways to send strong hints... "Have you seen the trailer for (insert movie name here). Man, that looks awesome!"

 

But you can ask him out. Even as a friend - doesn't have to start out as a DATE. And you won't die.

 

Pteromom,

 

 

Well, I could do that I guess...no...no...I'm supposed to be forgetting about him!

 

You're a bad influence! :mad:

 

Give me ideas to get over him...get over him!

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
yay had to go searching through my watched you tube things and i found the link....take particular note of the girl who says i am going to die when she has to ring this guy she likes............smilin...she doesnt die ...surprise surprise.....neither will you.....:D

 

 

 

*Goes to check it out*

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Ya I gotta say I am really perplexed here. I guess I should read the OP's original thread... Seriously OP, you kinda sound like a woman who gets what she wants who has met her kryptonite. That's kinda cool isn't it?

 

My GF would tell you that when you find someone like that you should consider surrendering to the moment. I'm still learning what she means by that. Anyhow, I won't do that line of reasoning any justice so I'll engage your inner Type A.

 

It sounds like you really want this guy. And the only thing that freaks you out is how badly you want him. Okay, cool - well, don't be freaked out by it. Be exhilarated! No second guessing. No, do I really like him. Cool, so you found something you want now go out and get it. As others have said, ask him out. I know that freaks you out so do what others have said and make it a group activity. A friend thing. It sounds like you have amazing chemistry together so just being next to each other in a social setting would probably cause the sparks to fly.

 

You do this sort of stuff all the time. A project plan. How to get from point A to point Z. Put it together. Make a project out of it.

 

Or you could do what my GF would suggest and just surrender to the moment. To him. Drop your guard. And see where it goes.

 

Anyhow, the only other thing I will mention is that when you do feel this elusive chemistry. Don't ignore it. Don't run from it. It is really quite rare and don't squander it out of some sense of self preservation or fear. Run with it sister!

 

Wow Mrin,

 

Nail on head with this post. He is such a kryptonite and this chemistry is rare. I'm literally running from this guy when I see him!

 

Aaarrrrgggghhhh, I feel like such a fool! Do you think he knows? That I am now attracted to him as I once wasn't before???

 

A wise friend you have there. Surrender to the moment...my ass! LOL!

 

He needs to come out of my system...and fast!

 

I hate him!!!!!!!!

 

It's just, well he's also a huge flirt and is well liked by many women. Another, it's my job and I can't eff that up for anyone. Good thing is, he does give me space so I can work with that.

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LoveIsABattlefield36 Established Member

LoveIsABattlefield36

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I agree ^^, but tweaking it a bit....

 

That's the benefits of being in close proximity of someone you're into (i.e. the workplace, school, community events) because you can share experiences with them and/or invite them to things w/o the pressure of actually "dating" them.

 

Just be careful with trying to date people you work with, if it fails, and lots of RLs do...the workplace can get sticky cuz you gotta see them on the regular.

 

Omg loved that video. They were so brave and it didn't seem to be that bad after all. I really loved the fact that those on the receiving end were so gracious. Can't say I'm inspired but at least I do believe now that I won't die.

 

Right. Thank goodness the fact that it's my place of work acts as a strong deterrent.

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