Cant Move On..

[Waynester]

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me Christmas just gone..which was horrible timing. Even though it was nearly 9 months ago, I am still thinking of her daily. And it hurts and depresses me so much to do so. She said she felt I wasn't her soul mate. That destroyed me as I did so much for her, and loved her deeply.

I have had a few dates since, but even though one could have become more..I let it die by not bothering to see or communicate further.

I know why, if I'm honest..I'm nowhere near being over my ex. She dominates my thoughts, and I would give anything to get her back!

 

Why am I still feeling this way after 9 months?? It's made me depressed, and I feel I am wasting my life.

Friends have said I need to forget dating new girls and just focus on me. I understand this advice, but I'm also panicky that I am running out of time and opportunities to be happy with someone!

 

Apologies for long explanation, it's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling.

[saltyfishhead666]

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me Christmas just gone..which was horrible timing. Even though it was nearly 9 months ago, I am still thinking of her daily. And it hurts and depresses me so much to do so. She said she felt I wasn't her soul mate. That destroyed me as I did so much for her, and loved her deeply.

I have had a few dates since, but even though one could have become more..I let it die by not bothering to see or communicate further.

I know why, if I'm honest..I'm nowhere near being over my ex. She dominates my thoughts, and I would give anything to get her back!

 

Why am I still feeling this way after 9 months?? It's made me depressed, and I feel I am wasting my life.

Friends have said I need to forget dating new girls and just focus on me. I understand this advice, but I'm also panicky that I am running out of time and opportunities to be happy with someone!

 

Apologies for long explanation, it's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling.

 

 

Your friends are right. Until YOU are healed any new relationship is pretty much doomed to fail.

 

I'm over my ex - a year later and I'm still not interested in dating. Some people take longer than others.

 

Concentrate on yourself and be happy with you. She clearly wasn't and it stings, I get that. But just because you weren't her soul mate doesn't mean you can't be someone else's

[lostsoul6486]

You're friends are right. Work on yourself and don't worry about running out of opportunities to be happy with someone. Nobody could make you happy except for you. Trust me, you can't depend on someone else to make you happy. I'm learning that the hard way right now.

 

Also, I know it hurts that she told you you're not her soul mate, but be thankful she did. I know it's really hard to be thankful about it right now, but she's doing you a favor in the long run. My thread isn't too far down. My ex wanted me back and just as I was ready to take her, she got another boyfriend while I was on vacation. She texts me telling me she loves me even though she's with him. She has me in limbo and it hurts because I love her so much. Letting go of someone you love is harder when they say they love you back but fail to show it time after time.

 

If she says you're not her soul mate and she hasn't contacted you, you're better off. It's hard, but go no contact and it will pass.

[d0nnivain]

People grieve at different paces.

 

You will get better.

 

What are you doing to make yourself happy? Have you changed your living environment? Try that. It helps.

[Waynester]

People grieve at different paces.

 

You will get better.

 

What are you doing to make yourself happy? Have you changed your living environment? Try that. It helps.

 

 

Basically..nothing. I can't seem to get the energy or desire to do the things I used to enjoy. I just tell myself, what's the point. It's very negative, and I am very negative...I just cannot get myself together.

I went to see my Dr, and she has prescribed me anti-depressants as she said I am depressed. Been taking them since February..and feel no different. I just cannot get my ex out of my head. I analyze everything. I blame myself very heavily, and hate myself because of it.

 

I have an opportunity to sell my house and move away, closer to my parents who live on the south coast. It would mean leaving the memories behind, as my ex lived with me for 8 months while she looked for a job. So so much reminds me of her....

But again, like I said..I just cannot get myself together, and so far have done..nothing.

 

Thank you all for the advice..and just taking the time to read/listen. I appreciate it.

[Hope737]

Hey Waynester. For me it's two years on since the break up and each day she's in my mind. I'm like you, I feel exactly the same. I know I need to look after myself to move on but I just can't be bothered, what's the point? People say you'll meet someone else but I simply don't want to as they will NOT replace my ex. We were together for 10 years so it's just too tiring trying to get to know someone else on such a deep level

 

I'm probably not the best person for advice as of my lack of moving on from my ex. I know it's pathetic to pin your whole life on someone else. You should cherish who you are but I just don't. I over analyse and over think all situations and I'm generally very unhappy in life, even though I have the dream career with great family and friends. All this over active thinking started since the break up.

 

Anyway, I guess all I can say is that you're not alone in what you're feeling and I wish you all the best!

[d0nnivain]

Take baby steps. Especially when you don't feel like it, motivate yourself to do something: go for a walk, clean, do work anything but wallow.

 

Slowly but surely get rid of the things that remind you of her. Seriously, If you lived together, rearrange the furniture in your living space so it's "new" & not about her. Put your bed against the other wall. Swap the couch & the TV. Just move stuff around.

[lostsoul6486]

Basically..nothing. I can't seem to get the energy or desire to do the things I used to enjoy. I just tell myself, what's the point. It's very negative, and I am very negative...I just cannot get myself together.

I went to see my Dr, and she has prescribed me anti-depressants as she said I am depressed. Been taking them since February..and feel no different. I just cannot get my ex out of my head. I analyze everything. I blame myself very heavily, and hate myself because of it.

 

I have an opportunity to sell my house and move away, closer to my parents who live on the south coast. It would mean leaving the memories behind, as my ex lived with me for 8 months while she looked for a job. So so much reminds me of her....

But again, like I said..I just cannot get myself together, and so far have done..nothing.

 

Thank you all for the advice..and just taking the time to read/listen. I appreciate it.

 

I hear ya, man. I know it's hard. Almost everyone you ask is going to say to go out and enjoy yourself. Pick up a hobby. Go to the gym. Keep yourself busy. You should definitely do those things, but there are going to be moments where she's gonna pop into your head and you're not going to find the motivation to do any of those things. For moments like that, get into a TV show. It might sound stupid, but that has REALLY helped me. Try to get into a drama of some sort where you get invested in the characters and you actually care about it because if you don't get invested your mind will wander anyway. I got into Sons of Anarchy (fantastic show btw) and I would watch a few episodes when I just didn't feel like doing anything. I would lose myself in the show's world and it would keep my mind off of her. You could also try reading a novel if that's more your thing.