pash3 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I recently started talking to this guy online. We spoke to each intensively for about a week, they were long emails to and fro and wondered why he hadn't asked to meet up yet. One day he asked me and we arranged to meet up last Tuesday. I've been on about 5 other first dates and they didn't go anywhere, a couple fizzled out, a couple I were into but they didn't feel the same and a couple I didn't like but they wanted to see me again. I felt it was different with this guy. It felt like we both got on, genuinely cared about what each other had to say and could have a laugh with each other. I felt really nervous at the beginning of the date which was weird because I was fairly calm on all my other dates. It must be because I quite like him and wanted the date to go well. We met up half way, we barhopped all night, sharing a platter at one of them. We talked, we laughed and by the end of the night we were making out. From the beginning of the date he said there was a foam party in his town on Sunday (yesterday) and kept asking and asking for me to come down and party with him. He said it would be fun to go out clubbing with me and would be a great ice breaker. I kept saying no because I hardly know him, what would I do stay at his place? Even though he said he'd take the sofa. Towards the end of the night, he stopped asking and accepted that I didn't want to go to this foam party, (it would've been fun if I'd known him a little longer/better). He then moved on to asking me over to his place on the Friday instead (Friday just gone). He said he'd cook for me, share a bottle of wine and we could watch a film and asked me if I'd liked that, I said yes but hadn't actually thought about whether that would've been wise. When we were leaving each other at the platform, he asked me how I thought the date went. I said I think it went well and I'd like to see him again. He said he felt the same, hugged me and asked me to let him know when I got home. I did text him, and he said "Now you can be honest, how do you really think it went?" I said I'd already told him and he proceeded to talk about Friday and how that's a possibility if I'm still up for doing it. I said I'm not sure if it's wise even though I'd love to, no funny business. He said that he couldn't promise that, but he likes to go with the flow and it feels natural for something to happen then it won't stop him from making a move. He said he enjoys the intimacy of cooking for someone and would like to see me again. We'd been talking to each other every day after the date until Thursday when he asked me about whether I was still up for Friday, I was honest with him and said couldn't we do something else. He said "Well if you want to meet up half way again, I'm fine with that." and insisted that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable about anything. I said to him to let me know because friends have already organised going out on Friday but I'd rather see him. He said that I should go meet my friends as it would give him time to think of something else to do. So Friday came, I went out with friends and I hadn't had a single text from him. Being a bit tipsy I decided to text him. His texts had turned from long inquisitive one's to short. He was being friendly at first but asked me to come over saying it's not too late to come now. It turned into a weird mean/flirty thing and ending up with him him falling asleep and me sending him the last text. I was then out with work colleagues on Saturday after work, dinner and then drinks. I was posting lots of Instagram photos during the night. He liked one of them, just a photo of me before going out. I decided to call him up on it. This is how the text conversation went: Me: Why are you liking my Instagram photos and not texting me? x Him: Was a nice picture. x Me: You're a man of very few words of late. x Him: Come to ______ after your work night out...? x Me: I'm working tomorrow! x Him: Yeah it's fine to work, you'll get 8 hours sleep x Me: You just want a booty call. x Him: No I want to see you again, that would be a bonus x Me: You haven't been very expressive of the last few days. x Him: I'm playing hard to get maybe! Well offer is there if you wanna come over x Me: Are you really? I was thinking you were totally off me. x Him: Come over and see for yourself x Me: Oh really? Don't think it's wise tonight though. x Him: Sure it is. x Me: I don't think so. I seen your stubborn side though, it's pretty stubborn. x Him: Ok, well if you change your mind let me know. x Me: I was gonna ask you a question actually. x Him: Ok...? x Me: Do you know of any handsome Italian men who are good kissers that would be free this coming Tuesday? I'm struggling to think of one... x Him: My cousin ______ might, I'll text him and ask. I know of one that's free tonight x Me: Oh really, what's he like? I need to hire them for this Tuesday though. x Him: Yeh he's alright. I'm working Tuesday till late I'm afraid. Also Wednesday and Thursday. And Monday too! So tonight would be a good option. x Him: I can drive you home in the morning. x Me: What about Friday? x Him: Friday might be possible but depends if I'm needed at work. x Me: You're playing pretty hard to get. x Him: Just bad timing this week. Tonight is possible though. x Me: I can't do tonight and would seem too much like a booty call. x Him: You can do tonight, trains are very frequent to ________ and I'll drive you home tomorrow. x Me: Why are you so keen? x Him: Would be nice to cuddle up with you on this colder night x Me: Maybe. But that's a development. Do you do that with every girl you meet? x Him: No I don't, just felt nice with you on our date and seems natural. Offer is there, I don't want to force you x Me: Well a "sleep over" is a progression. Can we not do that when we're both next available? Not a sleepover. But all the other stuff. x Him: Progression that feels like a right idea. I can't 100% commit to next weekend and I'm working late every night next week. So can't say when the next chance is x Me: You should keep Friday free if possible. I finish at 4pm which is perfect timing. x Him: Can't promise. Seeing as you're not here I'm off to sleep now. x Me: Playing hard to get is not the way to keep me interested Have a nice sleep. x I'm really confused. My head was saying "be suspicious" and my heart was saying "go for it". It doesn't help that I haven't had sex for 6 months! I'm not hesitant about the sex part, I just don't want sex to ruin any potential for this to turn into something. I can't stand the thought of being thought of as a f**kbuddy/friends with benefits. I'm not looking for a full blown, fall in deep straight away relationship but I am looking for something with a bit of substance than just casual. He said he's been on 10 first dates and hasn't gone anywhere, he has also said that the girls that he's slept with have then ignored him afterwards. He said he's felt used but he knows that with me, I wouldn't ignore him. To me, I do think he wants more than sex with me. His keenness may come across as "he just want's sex" but I actually think he's more insecure. He is a little bit overweight and when I complimented that he looked better in person than in photos he couldn't accept the compliment which makes me think that he wants to get sex out of the way. He doesn't know if we did sleep together whether I'd walk away or not so getting the sex out of the way he can relax and get to know me better. Does this sound like a reasonable analysis? Now that I've given you the background. How the hell do I get us talking again like we used to? And how do I show him that I want to see him again as soon as possible (i.e. on the weekend). This is the second day of no texting, any advice on how to deal with a somewhat insecure guy playing hard to get? I'm too old for game playing...
Gloria25 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Agreed... Dude wants a booty-call. I don't get these guys on the "dating" websites - when there are also many "hook-up" websites and Craigslist.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 He's looking for a hook-up. You 're not. Don't waste your time calling him out on it and being snippy with each other through text messages. Just be done with it and move on. You barely know him so it should be an easy cut.
Zahara Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 He wants sex. I'm not sure why this is so hard for you to see. And stop repeating yourself, almost begging him to not see you as a booty call. It's so unattractive. And the only reason he stopped texting is because you told him no sex. It has nothing to do with playing hard to get.
Supernatural Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 That was a really lame conversation on his part. Pretending like he won't be available. Try harder. You look so cool. It's not a limited time deal... Some guys are such douches. You had to say no like 4 times. He's not playing hard to get... He's playing easy and stupid.
stillafool Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 He wanted a booty call that night and returned every text with that thought. He probably wouldn't have called you again after sex. As you see he was not going to commit to anything with you. You need to lose his number and ignore him if he gets back to you. He only wants one thing. Stop chasing him. 1
clia Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I agree with the others that he appears to be primarily focused on sex. If you want to see if any more is there, you need to stop chasing him and stop expecting nonstop texting. It's not a huge deal to go without texting someone for a day, especially someone you just met. You should've let him wonder about all the fun you were out having with your friends. So Friday came, I went out with friends and I hadn't had a single text from him. Being a bit tipsy I decided to text him. His texts had turned from long inquisitive one's to short. He was being friendly at first but asked me to come over saying it's not too late to come now. It turned into a weird mean/flirty thing and ending up with him him falling asleep and me sending him the last text. All of this weirdness means you were texting for too long. Don't text strange men when you are out with your friends! I was then out with work colleagues on Saturday after work, dinner and then drinks. I was posting lots of Instagram photos during the night. He liked one of them, just a photo of me before going out. I decided to call him up on it. This is how the text conversation went: This text exchange was way too long. Why are you texting so much with a guy you just met? Keep it short and sweet and let him ask you out on a date. If he doesn't do that, move on. If I were you, I would not initiate any contact with him. Let him make the next move. And stick to your guns about not going to his place!
FitChick Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Another vote for booty call. Tell him he's not hard to get, he's too easy so you have lost interest.
Zippy2000 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 To be honest? Your texts dont come across as friendly and its not like a conversation you`re having. I ve actually copied and pasted your side only and if you read it. Its ONLY ever statements! If you want to have a conversation, you give information, or ask questions that are about something meaningful. Even I d struggle to answer your texts. The poor bloke is probably struggling to make make conversation. Look at your texts: Why are you liking my Instagram photos and not texting me? x I'm working tomorrow! You just want a booty call. x You haven't been very expressive of the last few days. x Are you really? I was thinking you were totally off me. x Oh really? Don't think it's wise tonight though. x I don't think so. I seen your stubborn side though, it's pretty stubborn. x
sid3 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I'm not sure if I should be cringing for the male species or for the female after half reading that. Yeah he's looking for sex, what's worse is I'm guessing you don't value yourself enough to refuse to be a part of it. Yeah I'm sure trying to figure him out is part of it, but come on. Listen to your gut. You know what's up.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Do you always sign off every text with a kiss?
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