Nearly 4 years dumped on the phone on the other side of the world !!

[Lew]

I've been with my girlfriend nearly 4 years , before the summer she left to go to camp America for 8 weeks. Before she left she made sure that I knew she loved me . She would ask me if I wanted a break ,I said no . She was happy to hear that nearly crying . She made me things with all pictures of me and her on , left a lot of stuff at mine. I took her to a hotel the night before she left , we had a good night together I believe she was happy and so was I . I woke up to her starring at me at like 5 am which now haunts me slightly. When she left me at that airport it was hard we where both in tears , I put my hands on her face kisses her and said come back to me . She replied of course I will .

I went quite low the first few weeks of her leaving I was upset most of the time I missed her . I got a card and a letter for my birthday 3 weeks after she departed , tell me about her work what she was doing and that she loved me and couldn't wait to see me .She was very normal the first 4 weeks trying to peak to me everyday , because she was not allowed her phone on camp with kids as she would sleep in the same area as 20 young girls .

Slowly I could notice she was not showing me much love which is hard over the phone anyway , she started deleting Facebook comments of mine on her wall sayin I miss you etc , my head trying to conclude from her psychology what was up. On the 5th week she told me that when she came back we should not be so close , I understood kinda . She told me a day later she didn't know what she wanted, I asked her to wait till she was back and we would talk . She pondered for a few days I would speak to her she would sound stressed with the 16 hour day she faced daily with one day off a week .

I was goin though hell couldn't really work I just wanted to know what was goin on , I really miss this girl and 6 weeks into leaving me , she's telling me she don't know what she wants . One morning all I got was her saying hello babe , she was in a hotel room toilet , all I got was a picture of her shoulder ??I demanded answers as I really needed them to try sort my head out . She rang me a few days later saying she wants to be single and that she's goin traveling after the camp closure for an extra two weeks, she also told me I was ugly and she never loved me , I was heart broken I asked her why she said she was not happy which to me wasn't really understandable , obviously over there she's in a different world it's fun I know . I didn't think I was getting the truth , I though she'd meet someone else she told me that was not the case . She told me to move on . Easier said than done I was looking forward to see her soo much and to find the feelings was not mutual was destroying me .

I rang her a week later she answered drunk I think . I asked her if we could talk she said there's nothing to talk about , I never want to see you again , for days I asked her to not do this , she said I'm sorry but it's my decision it will not change. I got depression badly partly because the way she did it , ending a strong 4 year relationship over the phone on the other side of the world after leaving me waiting for 7 weeks was something I would never do to anybody . Gutted I seen councillors etc etc . I was in bad state still am . She rang me 6 times the other day I after me asking her to phone me 3 days earlier . I couldn't answer .shes now back , I've seen her on dating sites , she will not see me to give me the truth, she said I just don't love you any more . I just feel so lonely

And I'm supposed to be 22 year old man .

I think I just need closure, but I want revenge how someone I've grew up with looked after and been there for do that to me , absence really does make the heart grow stronger believe me I've fell from such a height , I daily think about suicide sounds sad but I've haven't smiled in 10 weeks I'm so lost , I've seen concillors theve given up basically , I cry daily I wake with like emotional attacks asking myself questions I do not know the answers too

I was by far not the best boyfriend so I'm not gonna say I was , we lived together. But we had a lot of love

some advice would be nice , I just don't know what I actually feel

 

Thankyou so much for your time in reading. Maybe one day I'll repay the favour

Edited August 25, 2014 by Lew

[wow818]

Lol, don't get revenge.

 

You're confused. It's as simple as this. Once more, try to find out why she left you. Can it be worked out? If she ignore you, ask yourself is it the same as rejection? So if she rejects you, which includes ignoring you, move on. I don't mean to sound rude but I wouldn't care if I were you, it's not like she's treating you well based on what I heard. But don't get revenge because revenge is short term against her and a long term scar to you, whereas- moving on is actually something that can be good

[PogoStick]

Take it from a man with far more experience in love and hurt:

 

Do not take her back, ever. Lock this one away. It's over. You may hurt now, but in the end you have a thousand better girls that you can choose to be with.

[DrSimple]

I can think of a few reasons why this may have happened.

 

1. She saw things on her trip that have changed how she views the world and her relationship. She decided she wanted something else in life than what she was getting.

 

2. She has done things she regrets while on her trip and feels it is easier to push you away and break things off rather then confess leaving her on the receiving end.

 

3. She planned to break up with you before leaving (asked if you wanted a break) but couldn't find the courage. Eventually got tired with the sharade and pulled a 180 on you.

 

4. She is going through some serious issues right now and cant cope, leaving her to push you away.

[preraph]

Sounds like she's a mean drunk if she told you you're ugly. Hard to believe she actually said that. But if she did, doesn't that make it much easier to leave her behind? After all, that's a very abusive thing to say.

 

She got out into the world. It happens anytime someone first makes a big change in their life, whether it's going to college or moving from a small town to a big city, or seeing the world. It changes your perspective, broadens your possibilities. She's doing what's right for her. I know it sucks for you and I'm very glad you're seeing a counselor and you just keep doing that. You have your life in front of you as well. Sounds to me like you can do better. And if she thought you were actually ugly, she'd never have been with you to begin with. She was either drunk and mean or trying to say something to make you mad so it would be easy for you to give her up.

 

Keep seeing the counselor, go out with friends and forget about her during that time rather than talking about her, go do something fun on your own and take up an interest. Refocus. Good luck.

[ktya]

3. She planned to break up with you before leaving (asked if you wanted a break) but couldn't find the courage. Eventually got tired with the sharade and pulled a 180 on you.

 

I think it's this one.

 

My ex fiancee was trying to pull this one I beleive. Perhaps my story will help you, OP.

 

After forgiving her and getting engaged to her, her family was pushing her very hard to go on this university exchange to the opposite side of the world (I'm in Canada, so that was South Africa). She had an affair in the past so this was not something I was comfortable with at all - I was actually afraid of exactly your story above happening and I told her so. I also thought it odd that here we were supposed to be planning our wedding and now all we seemed to be talking about was her spending 6 months on the opposite side of the earth.

 

Despite that SA is a very dangerous place for a foreign university aged girl to be living in, her family and she seemed to have some authoritative sense that this was the best opportunity on earth for her to do (her family was from there originally). Both the rape and HIV rates there are extremely high, and I was concerned if something happened then I could be left with the very unenviable position of having to choose to either continue to marry a woman who had HIV or to choose to leave my fiancee because of a disease. Whether raped or if she just screwed up at a party, with an HIV rate that high everything would be a risk.

 

Ironically, the university barred her from the exchange program and had halted all exchange programs to that location for the forseeable future. Apparently the previous year 2 girls had been raped and 4 more were mugged. One of the raped girls got HIV.

 

She treated me like crap not unlike your woman for around 8 months straight afterwards, distancing herself from me. Her friends became off limits, she made a bunch of new ones, and I wouldnt be invited to activities with these new girls she was hanging with. Her weekends were planned, largely with activities that didn't include me.

 

During the ensuing summer, she was obsessively interested in doing a 2 week canoeing trip with me, but one of my clients was very late in paying and I couldn't pull it off. Her anger at that was disproportionate; it was a government client that owed me thousands. The fact that they took forever to pay was not my fault at all.

 

A few weeks after that she left me at 530am with nothing more than a note. Trying to communicate with her after that was odd and like talking to a brick wall. She would only meet me in public places and wouldnt let me know even where she lived, a slap in the face considering we lived together for 7 years.

 

She kept telling me we were "separated" when I would try to clarify if we were broken up or still trying to work on things. Occasionally one of her friends or family that I bumped into during the aftermath would say something of the tune that we were broken up. When I asked her she again played this "separated" card.

 

When I had a girlfriend after that during the next year or so, she would talk to me about the old good times. When I was single and needed a friend, she would vanish. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, the ambiguity was killing me.

 

----

 

Moral of my story, now that this event is 7 years in the past.

 

In my opinion:

 

She was planning the breakup as the above poster surmises well before she ever left. She may have even taken the posting intentionally to break up with you and "turn a new leaf".

 

Her offer of "do you want to take a break" was an offer on her part to see if you would take the bait and sleep around. Hoping that you'd fall for someone else and make her job easier. You didn't take the bait so she figured she'd do the fade.

 

She still loves you, but has made a very conscious decision to move on. So at first she contacted you more and is trying to do the fade to herself by forcing herself to contact you less and less. Almost like kicking an addiction, she is driving herself to wean herself off of you. The girls she is with are "helping" her to do it but it isnt malice on their part, it is because of what she has told them she is trying to do.

 

With you being so damned loyal and not getting mad at her, she is now starting to lash out and piss you off so that you will stop trying. She has a hard time saying no to you because you keep "just being so damned sweet" and roping her back in.

 

In short, she has for a long time figured she would break up with you around this age, close this chapter, and start another. Kind of like how there is this fad these days of women choosing to have "starter marriages" whereby the poor pud they are marrying has no idea that they are planning the divorce before the wedding has even happened just so they can get the practice for the right guy.

 

I feel for ya man because I was almost in the same situation you are in. Trust me, its not the girls at this camp and nothing would have changed if she didn't get posted there, she would have just engineered another way.

 

Some women are hideously selfish like this. They will tell you "I love you" , "I cant wait to see our children", and "I hope we get married one day" and while they mean the words as they say them they are more into you for the encapsulated experience to write in their diary or for their memory or photographs than they are actually in it as they describe.

 

My fiancee nearly burned the house down jumping up to accept my proposal, started crying her eyes out exactly as expected. Yet after the breakup she told me she was just telling me what she wanted me to hear. Yeah, talk about ouch.

 

To be honest man this girl you need to write her off. Dont waste a year with her push pull crap like I did because she will string you along. Dont bother pulling out all the stops to get her love back because she will feel bad then give a little when she has no intention to and is simply scheming for a better way to make you no longer love her.

 

Sucks man, I feel for ya. Women like her are worse than players. They treat guys like vacation packages, and are only in it for "the experience".