thousandsuns Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Hi All, I'm new to this forum and I hope I can get some advice on a situation I'm encountering right now. Not so long ago I met a girl on-line who I started talking to and texting regularly each day. We kept this up for a week and finally met 2 night ago. It was a nice date but nothing special. We got along well but we couldn't find any common interests or anything fun to create a conversation around. During the car ride she kept freaking out because she thought I was speeding and then it was evident when she told me straight up that she suffered from anxiety. I didn't feel it was a big deal at the time and I let it pass on the night. The following day things got a little annoying as I couldn't get a good text conversation going as she didn't reply to my texts and said she was busy all day. She was just in a completely different mood and she got frustrated at me. She told me earlier she got her period but I don't know if that had any specific impact on her combined with anxiety. She kept telling me how she was not in a good mood and felt frustrated last night and once again didn't talk too much. Today I haven't had any communication at all. I don't know if it is her anxiety that does this or if this a huge red flag. She seemed all cold hearted and irritated at me for no reason or over very little matter and even when I was trying to be supportive and nice to her she rejected any sort of offering I had for her. Any who, my question is, should I continue to try to make conversation with her and keep things going or just her go? I could list the negatives and positives about her. Negatives: 1) we have very little or nothing in common 2) she is a heavy smoker and I dislike smokers (she feels the need to smoke even on a date) 3) she has anxiety and that appears to make her sound cold hearted 4) she doesn't seem to show any much interest in talking to me as she did before the date 5) she does weed and when I talked to her about it she said she is too hooked onto it to quit and wouldn't. 6) she doesn't have a job and does household chores all day which stresses her out and frustrates her to the extent it is evident in the conversations we have. Positives: 1) she kinda makes me happy 2) she was fun to talk to at first but not so much right now 3) she seems really attracted to me Any advice would be helpful as I need to move on quick if that is the path I choose to take. Thanks in advance.
Assasda Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 The question is, why do you have such low self esteem to stay with a girl that youre not attracted to. Hahaha You dont even like her and you already put her on the pedestal, - If someone is treating you like crap, you dont try to be nice to them. OP work on yourself esteem, and think of how you want to be treated, then find someone who treats you that wayy
Author thousandsuns Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 The question is, why do you have such low self esteem to stay with a girl that youre not attracted to. Hahaha You dont even like her and you already put her on the pedestal, - If someone is treating you like crap, you dont try to be nice to them. OP work on yourself esteem, and think of how you want to be treated, then find someone who treats you that wayy Thanks for your honest reply. The thing is I can't tell you why I would want her? Maybe because a part of me believes if a not so bad 1st date is good enough then she's worth a 2nd date? I did make another post about setting standards. Maybe it comes back to this? I shouldn't have to settle for a drug user/smoker girl who is unemployed and has anxiety.
GemmaUK Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 We make a pro and con list to see which one turns out to be the longest list. That is meant to be an indicator for a choice. Even your list of positives contains negatives. I think the attention makes you 'kinda happy'. You could have attention from someone else who doesn't have that whole list of cons. A mixture of anxiety and weed isn't going to make anything any better. Doesn't smoking weed lead to paranoia and anxiety? Even if I felt really ill the day after a date I wouldn't go all off on someone if I liked them. She's already taking things out on you. Big red flag.
Author thousandsuns Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 We make a pro and con list to see which one turns out to be the longest list. That is meant to be an indicator for a choice. Even your list of positives contains negatives. I think the attention makes you 'kinda happy'. You could have attention from someone else who doesn't have that whole list of cons. A mixture of anxiety and weed isn't going to make anything any better. Doesn't smoking weed lead to paranoia and anxiety? Even if I felt really ill the day after a date I wouldn't go all off on someone if I liked them. She's already taking things out on you. Big red flag. I think what you said is bang on target. I should probably let her go. I was trying to reconcile so I didn't seem like a jerk and give her benefit of the doubt and go about in asking her out as she asked me out 1st time. However, this time she tells me she's too busy and doesn't know when she can go out. The thing is besides all the negatives, I don't know how an unemployed girl who studies part time can be that bloody busy that she wouldn't want to make time for me. If the fact she was unemployed and taking weed and is a smoker wasn't a big enough turn off, playing the busy card completely ruins it more. I work a full time office job 9-5:30 and that is what I call being busy. She does chores for her family and feeds horses or whatever and that's keeping her busy. Is it odd to make that comparison?
54JA Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Your list is great! And I think it speaks for itself. There are way more negative than the positive. I do have occasional anxiety attacks, but I can be and am nice when I am not having one. For me, anxiety does not make me treat people coldly. Because I don't know what kind of anxiety she has, I can't speak for her, but if it really is constant, I don't think she is in a condition to be dating. Sure, having anxiety does not necessarily disqualify from being a potential relationship material, but only if they are actively seeking treatment/finding ways to deal with them. The fact that she is smoking weed tells me that she is not trying to get better (as you may know, weed can sometimes make people paranoid). I think it will be helpful for you to review and update your list to make your decision. I like your approach to decision making. Also, you might wanna consider making list of top 5 must-have qualities and see if she has any of those. I know dating is an emotional process, but your list can help you be more logical when you need to be.
Author thousandsuns Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Your list is great! And I think it speaks for itself. There are way more negative than the positive. I do have occasional anxiety attacks, but I can be and am nice when I am not having one. For me, anxiety does not make me treat people coldly. Because I don't know what kind of anxiety she has, I can't speak for her, but if it really is constant, I don't think she is in a condition to be dating. Sure, having anxiety does not necessarily disqualify from being a potential relationship material, but only if they are actively seeking treatment/finding ways to deal with them. The fact that she is smoking weed tells me that she is not trying to get better (as you may know, weed can sometimes make people paranoid). I think it will be helpful for you to review and update your list to make your decision. I like your approach to decision making. Also, you might wanna consider making list of top 5 must-have qualities and see if she has any of those. I know dating is an emotional process, but your list can help you be more logical when you need to be. Thank You SOOO MUCH for your advice. That really helps and gives me a little boost. I keep questioning myself, why should I settle for these kinds of girls? My previous post pretty much sums up why she doesn't meet my standards. 1
Recommended Posts