Dontfindme Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 So, I've reached that age in my life -25- where I am witnessing all of my friends getting engaged, then married. Marriage used to be such a dream of mine, I get scared to admit this to myself, but it still is. My relationship with my best-friend-turned-boyfriend just came to an end about a month and a half ago. I miss him. I was plotting on using NC to get him back, somehow. But I know it doesn't work that way. I try to keep myself busy. But sometimes, I can't even go out because it feels so damn lonely, and I feel so old, like I have nothing in order while all of my friends are planning their destination weddings, and vacations. I am so scared I will never find 'my guy.' Someone I can marry, and spend my life with. What do I do then? I don't want to be alone forever; and I feel this is partially the reason why I hold on to my ex (who is marrying someone else shortly, and has moved on). I'm scared that I'm already too old, and it's too late for me to find someone else. 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 So, I've reached that age in my life -25- where I am witnessing all of my friends getting engaged, then married. Marriage used to be such a dream of mine, I get scared to admit this to myself, but it still is. My relationship with my best-friend-turned-boyfriend just came to an end about a month and a half ago. I miss him. I was plotting on using NC to get him back, somehow. But I know it doesn't work that way. I try to keep myself busy. But sometimes, I can't even go out because it feels so damn lonely, and I feel so old, like I have nothing in order while all of my friends are planning their destination weddings, and vacations. I am so scared I will never find 'my guy.' Someone I can marry, and spend my life with. What do I do then? I don't want to be alone forever; and I feel this is partially the reason why I hold on to my ex (who is marrying someone else shortly, and has moved on). I'm scared that I'm already too old, and it's too late for me to find someone else. The likelihood you'll become a crazy old spinster is very very slim. You just can't imagine finding someone else right now. You need to heal, be happy with yourself and only then can you begin to try dating again. I was 25 when my relationship ended I am now 26, I'll be 27 In November and I'm still single. But I'm happy. You've got loads of time to find someone new... As for nc - it is purely for your sanity. Nc is not for getting an ex back (I tried believe me it rarely works and if it does it's not for long) Delete his number, block it, block him on Facebook. Literally wash him out of your life. You can't work on you while he's tormenting you mentally in the background 1
d0nnivain Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 You are at that age where people get married. You are more acutely aware of all the weddings because you recently ended a relationship with the man who was also your best friend; it's like a double whammy. You still have plenty of time to find Mr. Right & you have the benefit of maturity to do it. Don't worry. Go to the weddings. You might me a great guy at one of them. 1
Wings Of Love Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 It's really good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way! I'm 24, and it seems that every day another friend announces their engagement or that they're expecting a baby. My relationship ended in July last year and though I've let go of my ex for the most part, I'm starting to fear that I'll never find a man who won't leave when the honeymoon period ends. I've actually been told by someone that I need to just "settle for anyone because I'm getting too old, and soon no one will want me". Of course the man that said was upset that I wanted nothing more than friendship with him. But it hurt. I don't really know how to stop feeling this way, but I think the only thing we can do is not dwell on it. The right person will come into our lives when we least expect it. But in the meantime, just know you're not alone. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I feel you, I'm 27. I personally just want a honest, caring and fun relationship. In 5 years many of these couples will be divorced... so life could always be worse... 2
mightycpa Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Chins up, ladies. I read an article recently that described a study whose findings were that people in the US have a fairly predictable window of time where they are most likely to get married. It happens between 3 - 8 years after they graduate from the last school they attended fulltime. It has a lot to do with how they perceive themselves in the singles scene. For example, male high school graduates begin to see college graduates invade the singles scene right around the age of 23. By the time they are 25, they see that they are no longer peers of the majority of people in the singles scene, and so they feel "too old" and will seek marriage because they are ready. The same thing happens to college graduates, only later in life. Both men and women are affected in this way, but the women feel like this earlier than men. So, TBV, it is time to hit the bars in DC and Arlington... don't forget to ask where they went to school and what they got their degree in. If the answer is XXX High School, that person is more than ready. If the reply is VA Tech, then they are probably just beginning to ripen. Don't forget to ask if they are still in school. If so, you're probably wasting your time. And if you're in some podunk town like Ruckersville or Luray, then get out of there! 1
Author Dontfindme Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Thank you guys so much. I feel like I need to have this drilled into my head over and over again. The stats help, the reality check, the hope, the potential- it all helps. The waiting is what sucks. Waiting for it all to happen
Peacock_Tail Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 It's the apocalypse!! No, seriously, good for them and all that but come on, you are 25! It's like the best time in your life, enjoy being single and free and the right person will appear one day. I think it's much better to be single at this point in your life than to be tied and with many duties that at this age are quite annoying imho. There are still like 60 years to be with someone,so don't rush it By the way, I'm your age and I miss is sharing history and memories with someone, but it's time to wait for a person who wants us in their lives and not someone who kicks us out from them. 2
Author Dontfindme Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 You're completely right, Peacock_Tail.
PinkElephants Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I'm in the "you have plenty of time" camp. Also, don't think of it as waiting. Go do something awesome and unique that your married friends don't have the chance to do! It could also be the interesting thing that sets you apart from the other girls. I dumped my live-in ex at 25; he responded by proposing which was dumb. I packed my bags and moved abroad for two years and had the most amazing experience of my life. One that everyone wishes they had and I get tons of questions about but few have because they were too wrapped up in being serious adults. The loneliness does suck sometimes. There were times I wanted to do things and all my friends were coupled up and unavailable. Drag yourself out and explore something new on your own. You'll be proud of yourself for doing it on your own and it's better than being sad at home. My sister's friends may be a little like yours, no offense if I've got it wrong. They were almost competing to be first to get married and they started dropping 4-6 per year as soon as they graduated college. Now, at 28, the first wave of divorces is happening. So finding quality is definitely more important than staying with the herd. The man of my dreams found me at 28 and he was worth holding out for. I'm sure yours will come. 1
Author Dontfindme Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 I'm in the "you have plenty of time" camp. Also, don't think of it as waiting. Go do something awesome and unique that your married friends don't have the chance to do! It could also be the interesting thing that sets you apart from the other girls. I dumped my live-in ex at 25; he responded by proposing which was dumb. I packed my bags and moved abroad for two years and had the most amazing experience of my life. One that everyone wishes they had and I get tons of questions about but few have because they were too wrapped up in being serious adults. The loneliness does suck sometimes. There were times I wanted to do things and all my friends were coupled up and unavailable. Drag yourself out and explore something new on your own. You'll be proud of yourself for doing it on your own and it's better than being sad at home. My sister's friends may be a little like yours, no offense if I've got it wrong. They were almost competing to be first to get married and they started dropping 4-6 per year as soon as they graduated college. Now, at 28, the first wave of divorces is happening. So finding quality is definitely more important than staying with the herd. The man of my dreams found me at 28 and he was worth holding out for. I'm sure yours will come. This is exactly what I needed to hear. It's a refreshing outlook- to go and do something that I can as a single woman that my friends are unable to experience. Thank you for the advice, and the hope. It's really what I was looking for. 1
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