Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Hi everyone I've read these forums for a while now and listened to all the advice given. Now the worst thing has happened to me and I need your advice So it all started 4 weeks ago I went to my gf's house as normal on weekend got there she was in bed. She made me so happy as I work nights so weekends were ours. I jumped into bed nothing sexual just wanted To hold her an kiss her. I tried to kiss her she moved her head tried to cuddle her She moved. After going to the bathroom I made My excuses and left I txt her when I was home and asked her if I had done anything wrong or was there anyone else. She txt me saying nothing going on just had a bad day. I slept next morning she txt me saying can we forget last night and go back to normal. All was well till the Tuesday when she said she couldn't believe I asked her if she was seeing anyone else I said it was her body language. After a 4 half hr phone call she said she cudnt give me another chance The following week as awful kept thinking of her everyday was down and not in a good way. She was txting me all the while. And I said to her why we txting like nothing has happened she said because it gets her over the fear of givinge A another chance. Another week went by where she went away for a week constantly talking to me texting me I replied of course I did. When she came back I asked her if we could start again and she says she isn't strong enough. So that's where I am right now She's she is not strong enough I don't know what to do I dint txt her all weekend and about half hr ago she sent me a txt saying what have I done. Any help would be much appreciated please
Author Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 She said that because I asked her if she was seeing someone else after avoiding my advances on that Sunday it hurt her and she isn't strong enough to give us another go
54JA Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Did she tell you why she needs to be strong enough? Strong enough for...? 1
Author Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 She said she isn't strong enough to give us another go Cause of her past she said her wall is even higher and she isn't strong enough to Give us another chance even tho she says she loves me and misses me
Trep Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 That's the most piddly ass reason I've heard in a long time for a break up. Chances are she had decided the relationship was over long before that incident and she was just trying to work up the courage to end it. 1
Author Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Even with a bad past ? U think she should of taken a chance ? I'm distraught
54JA Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I am sorry that you are in this situation with your girl friend. I know it's going to be difficult, but I think it's really important for you to let her know that this hurt you and that you won't put up with this type of behavior. I want you to know that it's not your fault that she has a past. It's not your responsibility to deal with her insecurities. She is a big girl, and she needs to take responsibility for her fears. If there is anything she wants you to do, it's her responsibility to let you know what that is without the threat of a break up. There is nothing wrong with telling her that she needs to get over her fears. You sound like you are more than willing to accept her requests if she is not happy with whatever you did. She cannot use the "break up card" for such a small thing (you asking if she is seeing someone else). You can tell her that you want to be with her, but only if she can clearly communicate with you about exactly what it is she needs changed. You can offer her a second chance but demand that she stops using silence and the break up to get your attention. IMO, you deserve a more respectful way of communication. It's not fair that she hurt your feelings. She cannot use "Oh, my past" as her excuse. Good luck.
lolablue17 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 You had the right to ask her if she had someone else. Call her and tell her that you have the right to ask her anything. What kind of a relationship is it If you can't talk about thing that's on your mind. So If you can't to talk to her about things because you fear she will leave you, It means this relationship is bad, so you call it off. Bye bye. Tell her: "Don't ever call me again and never text me again unless you want to have a normal R which you both can talk about everything freely.
Author Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 @54 Thing is now it seems to be raw she texts there's no feeling behind the txts there's no love and it's just general stuff we talk about I want her back course I do but I can't get her to see sense we seem to be "just friends" now
54JA Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 @54 Thing is now it seems to be raw she texts there's no feeling behind the txts there's no love and it's just general stuff we talk about I want her back course I do but I can't get her to see sense we seem to be "just friends" now Before I say my piece, I want to know how you feel about: 1) Her pulling away because you asked her if she's seeing someone 2) Her readiness for a romantic relationship in general 3) Being friends with her How do you feel (or more specifically, what do you think)?
Author Cashbuster Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 I felt as if she dint want to know me she was getting affection from someone else hence me asking her Well was romantic all the way through Being friends, it's hard because we've been through so much as a couple I can't just switch my feelings off I've known her 12 years so I don't know how to be
54JA Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Before I say my piece, I want to know how you feel about: 1) Her pulling away because you asked her if she's seeing someone 2) Her readiness for a romantic relationship in general 3) Being friends with her How do you feel (or more specifically, what do you think)? I'm sorry to confuse you, what I meant by my questions were: 1) Is it understandable to you that she broke up with you because you asked her the question (are you seeing anyone?) Do you think this is a good enough reason? Do you think it's silly for her to break up with you over this? 2) Do you think she is ready for a romantic relationship with someone? Do you think she's over her old issues and no longer hurting from her past? 3) Do you think it's fair for her to keep your friendship even though she knows how you feel about her? Are you prepared to see her with another guy and continue talking to her?
Author Cashbuster Posted August 28, 2014 Author Posted August 28, 2014 It's not understandable at all why she broke up I want to rage at her for her lack luster excuse of why we couldn't be together I rather she be honest ! I think she is ready but what with her past she says she finds it hard As for the third point I dunno if we are friends I went NC until yesterday when she txt me saying " just to let u know I've got go into hospital for three days" I left it 9 hrs then txt asked her why she immediately replied and tried to make convo, I cut her off in mid message and last I've heard of her
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Almost the exact same thing happened to me a long time ago. That pulling away from your advances means something. A lot of denial for a short while, and then she was seeing somebody else. Eventually, I found out that she simply didn't want to sleep with two guys at the same time, and so once the second guy got in, I was toast. What struck me about it at the time was that whenever she didn't want to do it in the past, she'd just say so, but she wouldn't withhold her affection. That last time was completely different. What happened in my case was that she slept with the guy before she was emotionally done with me, and that was the source of her confusion. After that one night, she acted just like your girl is acting. The truth will probably reveal itself pretty soon.
54JA Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 It's not understandable at all why she broke up I want to rage at her for her lack luster excuse of why we couldn't be together I rather she be honest ! I think she is ready but what with her past she says she finds it hard As for the third point I dunno if we are friends I went NC until yesterday when she txt me saying " just to let u know I've got go into hospital for three days" I left it 9 hrs then txt asked her why she immediately replied and tried to make convo, I cut her off in mid message and last I've heard of her I completely agree with you in that her excuse for breaking up with you is completely unjustified. I don't think it's fair nor makes any sense. My feeling, based on what I read, is that she wants to be in a relationship, but she may be a bit immature for a healthy relationship. Lastly, great job on starting NC! If she is able to text you back, she is probably OK.
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