Darren2013 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 When it comes to meeting a woman a man likes he really has 2 choices. He can either ask her out and get rejected or he can talk himself into rejection by not asking her out because he is afraid of what her answer will be. Everybody is different and some men feel it is better to let a woman reject him than for him to reject himself by not asking her out. I guess it just depends on which kind of rejection a person prefers. Either turn myself down by not asking or ask her out and let her be the one to turn me down. How many of you would rather tell yourselves no than to hear a no from someone else?
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 From what I have seen on the boards, most would rather reject themselves. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Yes that seems to be the case. Perhaps self rejection spares a big blow to the ego. The other person can't reject you if you are not pursuing. You haven't given them a chance to reject you.
carhill Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 How many of you would rather tell yourselves no than to hear a no from someone else? Beyond obvious self-told 'no's' like 'she's way too young' or 'she's obviously married/involved' and similar boundaries, I'd prefer to hear the answer from the horse's mouth. A woman who can give me a straight 'no' has always gained my respect, even if the word stung in the moment. Heard my share of 'no's' in life. Didn't die and no animals were harmed.
morbot_k Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Just ask and get rejected. The more you get rejected, the tougher you will be. The guys who get the girl aren't the ones who are the bravest, it's the ones who are the toughest. It's easy to get loaded and ask a girl out. But the guy who can take a hit and bounce back and do it again - that guy is going to have success.
HappyLove Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 As weird as it sounds we need to stop taking rejection so personally. It seems so many of us have become afraid if our own shadows. I feel like past generations were much more brave. So someone says NO or tells you they're involved, it's really not the end. Many women only say no because the interest came out of nowhere and they were shocked and just said no only to go home and kick themselves. Men seem to be so thin skinned these days, can't approach a girl to save their lives. I wish we were all brave enough to see someone we like and just take a chance. If they say no, oh well their loss anyways. Then as a woman I battle with first even having the guts to do it but on top of that a woman who approaches a man is seen as desperate. I know the LS guys say they'd love it but IRL a woman is looked down on for going after the man. We are told he wants the chase and it'll fade soon anyway because he's not the one doing the chasing. There are even "dating experts" who teach women how to make the guy think he's chasing her just so you can better your chances.
AD1980 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I'd rather get rejected by not approaching at least then I can maybe pretend women are attracted to me lol I approached a women for the first time in a long time at my friends July 4th party we talked for awhile and I asked for her number and she literally walked away from me and avoided me the rest of the night and then was hitting on my good looking friend..it made me feel like **** I was happier not approaching.. 1
Assasda Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I NEVER get rejected, NEVER got rejected. Me and a woman simply weren't compatible, Thats how I look at it. She just doesnt have the time to get to know who I am, and I'm a pretty rad guy. So if she doesnt have the time, Its her loss. Who knows what personal stuff a stranger is going through at the time? She might be doing you a favor to not be available. Its simple. Guys dont reject themselves though. They, convince themselves of their insecurities, and drive down their confidence because they feel inferior for some reason, as soon as they realize that the woman has those same insecurites, it becomes much easier 2
you_can_not_see_me Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 While a rejection from a girl might hurt more at the moment, a person who talks himself out of approaching is already admitting to himself that he has low confidence.
Supernatural Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Tough question. Getting shot down straight by a woman face-to-face would sting a little and be slightly awkward. But you always learn from this and it's outside of the comfort zone. More growth. Rejecting yourself before even approaching leads to doubt in oneself and eventually becomes a habit making you second guess your every move. People talk to themselves in really nasty ways. Swing the bat as much as you can, while you can. You gain so much by approaching a stranger, even if the answer is "no". They won't say anything half as bad as the things you have probably already told yourself. Read this quote last night as I was falling asleep... It's amazing. Should read it everyday. "There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; It is a sword that kills." -Buddha 2
Curt Posted August 25, 2014 Moderators Posted August 25, 2014 I wish we were all brave enough to see someone we like and just take a chance. <snip> Then as a woman I battle with first even having the guts to do it but on top of that a woman who approaches a man is seen as desperate. ... and I would venture that unless and until we start dealing with these gender expectations and social mores of behavior, we are doomed to the same modern yet-outdated "mating" customs that have plagued us since ... perhaps the 1800's? Truth ... we like to act all modern and progressive, yet when it comes down to dating, mating, and the whole mixed expectation mess that modern-ity has dished us out, we haven't changed in mating habit since the dawn of time. However, I am glad ---- ish that it (at least appears) that young people are changing their customs to some degree ... it may be going too much the other way, but some rebellious part of me can't help but see some change in this field a change for the better. Curt
Author Darren2013 Posted August 30, 2014 Author Posted August 30, 2014 I think there is a case to be made as to when it is better to reject oneself than to approach a woman. That is if you are not ready to hear the truth about how she feels about you then don't ask her out. That's pretty much the way I do it. It is kind of like if you really can't handle someone's honest opinion then don't ask. If you can't handle the truth that this girl is not interested then don't ask her out. Maybe it is better to not know.
FitChick Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 I wonder if Darren has ever dated. On all of his threads he seems very eager to come up with excuses why he shouldn't.
Supernatural Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 I think if one of your biggest fears is rejection of the opposite sex, Then there is a bigger problem lurking underneath. When your life is on track and you believe in yourself, the opposite sexes rejection wouldn't even be a thought. You would just approach because you wanted to. You can't just be confident approaching women/men, and not be confident in other areas of life. That makes zero sense. People who get numbers, attractive or not, feel they have something valuable to offer. Because each person does. And then they market that value; themselves. If a constant question is... "How do I approach that woman?"... Then women or men shouldn't be your focus. Your mission in life should be. Something greater than another human. Your life's desire. And pursuing that gives you confidence and self belief. Everything else is just a stop on the way. No ones true life desire is to just find a mate.
Supernatural Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 I think there is a case to be made as to when it is better to reject oneself than to approach a woman. That is if you are not ready to hear the truth about how she feels about you then don't ask her out. That's pretty much the way I do it. It is kind of like if you really can't handle someone's honest opinion then don't ask. If you can't handle the truth that this girl is not interested then don't ask her out. Maybe it is better to not know. There is no case for such a thing. You're just making an excuse and want someone to agree, so it will be easier to let life pass you by. A persons opinion of you should never matter. It only matters when it resonates with you. You're afraid to approach a woman because of her rejection. Your fear of rejection is so high, because you already reject aspects of yourself. If you didn't reject anything about you, approached a woman, and she rejected you... You wouldn't feel anything. You would know anything negative she said was just a reflection of her self and an opinion. Nothing else. No one can make me feel a certain way. Only I can make myself feel that. No woman can make me feel ugly. No man can make me feel inferior. No child can make me feel like I have lost my dream. Only I, make myself feel something. Everything in life is a choice. One day you will realize not going for what you want is pointless. Because life is about swinging the fvking bat and playing ball. Life is possible; if you choose that. So enjoy it.
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) There is no case for such a thing. You're just making an excuse and want someone to agree, so it will be easier to let life pass you by. A persons opinion of you should never matter. It only matters when it resonates with you. You're afraid to approach a woman because of her rejection. Your fear of rejection is so high, because you already reject aspects of yourself. If you didn't reject anything about you, approached a woman, and she rejected you... You wouldn't feel anything. You would know anything negative she said was just a reflection of her self and an opinion. Nothing else. No one can make me feel a certain way. Only I can make myself feel that. No woman can make me feel ugly. No man can make me feel inferior. No child can make me feel like I have lost my dream. Only I, make myself feel something. Everything in life is a choice. One day you will realize not going for what you want is pointless. Because life is about swinging the fvking bat and playing ball. Life is possible; if you choose that. So enjoy it. I am 34 years old. I have been on this earth long enough to determine for myself if not going after what I want is pointless. There is the other alternative and that is to stop wanting certain things. As you said everything in life is a choice. If that is the case then it is also my choice to stop wanting certain things and learn to accept that I do not always get what I want. I do not have to go after everything I want. You might see it as pointless to not go after what you want all the time but again that's a choice you have made to see it as pointless when you can choose to lose the desire for it too. However I'm not saying that my way of doing things is better than yours. If life is all about choices then your choices aren't better than mine. They just work for you and I don't feel the need to change the way I am to meet your approval just because I am not operating the same way you are. The world would be a boring place and boards like this wouldn't exist if everybody was a go getter type personality. Sometimes it is not a good idea to act on every single attraction I have towards a woman. Feeling attraction toward women is normal but that doesn't mean I always need to act on it and ask them out. At 34 years of age I am pretty set in my ways and I don't think a time of regret is going to come. Besides I'm probably not going to live out a normal lifespan so I'm not that worried about what will happen to me in my old age. If the cancer takes my life in a few years then all this other stuff about regretting things in my old age is moot. And regret is also a choice too. You can only regret things for as long as you want to. Edited August 31, 2014 by Darren2013
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I am 34 years old. I have been on this earth long enough to determine for myself if not going after what I want is pointless. There is the other alternative and that is to stop wanting certain things. As you said everything in life is a choice. If that is the case then it is also my choice to stop wanting certain things and learn to accept that I do not always get what I want. I do not have to go after everything I want. You might see it as pointless to not go after what you want all the time but again that's a choice you have made to see it as pointless when you can choose to lose the desire for it too. However I'm not saying that my way of doing things is better than yours. If life is all about choices then your choices aren't better than mine. They just work for you and I don't feel the need to change the way I am to meet your approval just because I am not operating the same way you are. The world would be a boring place and boards like this wouldn't exist if everybody was a go getter type personality. Sometimes it is not a good idea to act on every single attraction I have towards a woman. Feeling attraction toward women is normal but that doesn't mean I always need to act on it and ask them out. At 34 years of age I am pretty set in my ways and I don't think a time of regret is going to come. Besides I'm probably not going to live out a normal lifespan so I'm not that worried about what will happen to me in my old age. If the cancer takes my life in a few years then all this other stuff about regretting things in my old age is moot. And regret is also a choice too. You can only regret things for as long as you want to. Cancer or not, why spend your time on this life in misery instead of enjoying the company of another person? Do women have such a strong hold on you that you cannot even entertain speaking to a woman you're attractive to? I don't get all this playing games and hiding. You are shooting yourself in the foot. Rejections sucks. I know. How do I know? After the rejection (again) from my crush today I feel like a ton of shytt and it hurts. Does it make me want to stop talking to men altogether? No (well although right now I am very angry and last thing I want to do is to talk to a man). You know what burns so much about my crush? That I think he's also suppressing his attraction towards me and I don't know why. I mean, he won't even give me a chance to speak to him, but I think he's watching me. How is he gonna get to know me and how I'll treat him just by observation? But if I'm wrong about my suspicions that he is suppressing his attraction towards me, then that makes me something pathetic that he probably just looks at and may feel pity for at this point... So, overall, putting yourself out there sucks cuz yes, there are times you are gonna get rejected...but then there are times you won't. After my crushes' rejection of me today (again), I'm gonna just give it time and move on. Can't let someone bring me down. Cuz, right now I'm upset. I know what I have to offer and that's his loss and I won't let that stop me from meeting someone else someday. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 Cancer or not, why spend your time on this life in misery instead of enjoying the company of another person? Do women have such a strong hold on you that you cannot even entertain speaking to a woman you're attractive to? I don't get all this playing games and hiding. You are shooting yourself in the foot. Rejections sucks. I know. How do I know? After the rejection (again) from my crush today I feel like a ton of shytt and it hurts. Does it make me want to stop talking to men altogether? No (well although right now I am very angry and last thing I want to do is to talk to a man). You know what burns so much about my crush? That I think he's also suppressing his attraction towards me and I don't know why. I mean, he won't even give me a chance to speak to him, but I think he's watching me. How is he gonna get to know me and how I'll treat him just by observation? But if I'm wrong about my suspicions that he is suppressing his attraction towards me, then that makes me something pathetic that he probably just looks at and may feel pity for at this point... So, overall, putting yourself out there sucks cuz yes, there are times you are gonna get rejected...but then there are times you won't. After my crushes' rejection of me today (again), I'm gonna just give it time and move on. Can't let someone bring me down. Cuz, right now I'm upset. I know what I have to offer and that's his loss and I won't let that stop me from meeting someone else someday. Hopefully you are not my crush in disguise posting this because I am very much similar to the guy you have a crush on if your suspicions are correct about him suppressing attraction towards you because I am doing the exact same thing you suspect of him doing.
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Hopefully you are not my crush in disguise posting this because I am very much similar to the guy you have a crush on if your suspicions are correct about him suppressing attraction towards you because I am doing the exact same thing you suspect of him doing. I am not in disguise...I've been posting on here since 2012 (well, not consistently). Yes, you do have a personality that seems to mimic my crush. But he is not 20 pound overweight, so you cannot be the same person. And, I don't know if he has cancer because I can barely get in a sentence with him without him making it so awkward that I end the convo abruptly or he does it himself (like today).
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