Shockwave Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Well yesterday was my ex's birthday. I wanted to wish her a happy birthday but I didn't. It was hard but I'm glad I didn't do it. It's surprising how far I've came since I was dumped. Like the rest of us I found this forum after I was dumped and in pain. When I first came here all I could think of was writing my ex a letter. I came really close to sending that letter. My hope was to tell her what I thought she needed to hear from me but what I didn't give her. My thinking was because I didn't tell her these things she didn't know how I really felt about her. Because of my failure this is why she left me for another guy. I was looking at it wrong. I was shouldering too much blame for the ending of my relationship. As funny as it sounds I was almost defending her actions. We know how the story goes; I woulda, shoulda, coulda, etc. Thing is as my head began to clear I believe she knew how I felt. Yet that didn't stop her from getting on an airplane to fly out of state to see an (I hate to say it) ugly, old guy to cheat on me with. So to all of those out there in the interwebs I can say with certainty it does get better. You can either learn from our experiences or from your own. It's much easier and less painful to learn from ours. Don't make some of the mistakes that we've all made if you can. For one, I protracted my pain by fooling myself that she'd be back. Only to see a picture of them together which was devastating. If they dump you, as hard as it is (and I know as does everyone else on here) you must not go looking for information! Don't stalk their FB or look at their Instagram. Tell yourself what they did was inexcusable and that they don't deserve to be with you. Tell yourself they're dead if you want to but try to write them off completely. Trust me, you're saving yourself months of pain by doing this. If they ever come back then you're in a better state of mind to deal with everything because you'll be healed from all of the pain they, yes they put you trough. If they don't come back then you're still healed and in that much better shape for your next gf or bf. It's a win/win for you. You're the priority here, not your ex. Also, as you'll read time and time again going NC is the best thing for you and ironically the best chance for your ex to ever come back anyway. Listen, I know you don't want to listen to everyone's advice on here. The people who have been through what you're currently dealing with must all be wrong. Your situation is unique, special and the rules don't apply to you. We weren't there. Wrong! As hard as it was I listened to the people on here who were really trying to help me. They're trying to help you too. So listen to them! So don't write your ex a letter. It won't change anything other than make you feel worse and them feel better. Listen to the people on here. They are good people really trying to help you. It does get better but it doesn't happen overnight. Don't be hard on yourself or blame yourself for something you had no control over. I'm really sorry this happened to you too. However it's better that it happened now than later. Get on here and talk about what you're feeling and thinking. It will help. Don't bottle it up but work through it. You're going to be ok just like the rest of us. 4
Stsm5934 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Thanks for the support. I am at the same spot where all I want to do is write a letter and say the things I think they need to hear. It gives me some hope to know you felt this way and you moved past it.
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 As someone who has taken psychology before, it's rather interesting how we all sort of fall into the same mentality about breakups and what have you. We all tend to think we are unique and special, when the same situation has occurred time and again. Although I will state that everyone who gets dumped probably should go into the mindset that they won't be coming back, as it will limit your ability to move on from them. Relationships don't just end without there being reasons, and by moving on and letting go we see those reasons much clearer than before.
Author Shockwave Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Stsm5934 you're one of the reasons I wrote my post. If I can help one person on here and let them know that it does get better then I'm happy. You'll see in time you gain a different perspective and from that you can ask yourself new questions that you hadn't been able to before. That's when I turned the corner and you will too! Take it one day at a time. Don't try to shut what you're feeling down. Don't run from it. What you're feeling is temporary, trust me. Open yourself up to doing things and having some fun. Work on yourself, hit the gym, pick up that hobby you've been neglecting for a while. When you think you're ready start dating again, do it as soon as possible. Even if it feels like only a distraction at first you'll soon learn that there are tons of cool, great people out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Have hope; not that the person who inflicted so much pain on you will come back but that you're about to meet someone even better!
dumbass2 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Great post! I am trying real hard right now to focus in on mistakes I made, not her. I can't try to change or control what she does anymore, only myself. I do have times where I wish I would have done this or that and things might have been different, but different mostly in that it may have ended things sooner because I recognize that I put up certain crap. I now kick myself for not handling issues better, but they are issues I hadn't dealt with before and I know I can learn from them because I look back and recognize them and now I can make my myself better prepared for my next relationship.
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