HD93 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Hi so as I may have mentioned before, I met this girl on a dating app and we texted for a good 4 hours on the first night. She sounded really keen and we both seemed to have a good time talking to each other. I asked her out a couple of days later or so, and she agreed. The date was supposed to happen on Tuesday. But today, she sent me this message: "Okay I currently have the most horrendous task in the world which is saying that Although I would absolutely love to and have been looking forward to going canoeing on Tuesday i cant. Without going into too much detail someone that was from my past came up a few days ago (after we had organised canoeing, obviously) and I don't think it's fair on you or I for me to being going on a date... If I didn't really think you were a great guy or didn't have enough respect for myself I could go ahead with it but I'm just not willing for you to think I am a terrible person and I really don't want to mess around with people's feelings. I hope this doesn't make you think I'm awful but I would hope if you were in my position you'd do the same? I feel nervous even sending this message because I'm just trying to do the right thing and hope you understand x you can hate me and write nasty Facebook statuses about me if you wish". I replied back with: "Ah crap ok. Nah I understand. Don't worry about it. Don't beat yourself up about it! Maaaaaybe canoeing can be on another time IF the situation/timing is more favorable I can tell that you're a really really good egg so yeah I understand what you're doing x" Her reply: "that would be absolutely amazing- thank you soooo much! xx" So, naturally I was quite disappointed when I read her first message. It's unfortunate, because she's absolutely stunning and her personality is amazing. I don't think I've met anyone so kind going by what she does for charity and stuff. This isn't a thread asking "What should I do?", because I know there's nothing I can do really. I just posted this thread because I was quite surprised at how encouraging that last reply was. Going by what she said, am I right in saying that someone has returned into her life that she may have feelings over? In which case, I'm surprised as I said, that the last post was so encouarging. She could have said "yeah that would be nice". Do you think it was the case of her not being totally interested in me? Or do you guys genuinely think it was just the timing of it all? Thanks.
Gaeta Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Do you think it was the case of her not being totally interested in me? Or do you guys genuinely think it was just the timing of it all? Thanks. We can't know, you can't either, but it does not really matter doesn't it? She is gone no matter the reason. You go on with your life without thinking about her. Do as if she is gone forever. If life brings her back THEN you'll see how that goes. Chances are you will have moved on to something better and won't even be interested in her anymore.
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Expect to run into this A LOT online especially if this app is Tinder. Take her off the pedestal you only texted, you could of been talking to a man for all you know.
54JA Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Yeah, I think you are right in that someone from her past for whom she still has some feelings returned. I think you are also right about the timing, too. She probably was on the verge of moving on, then your ex (or whatever) came back, and realized that she has more issues she has to deal with. I disagree with you about her not being interested in you. She probably was interested in meeting you. I don't think her canceling has anything to do with your attractiveness/personal qualities. It sounds like she just wasn't ready.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 "Okay I currently have the most horrendous task in the world which is saying that Although I would absolutely love to and have been looking forward to going canoeing on Tuesday i cant. Without going into too much detail someone that was from my past came up a few days ago (after we had organised canoeing, obviously) and I don't think it's fair on you or I for me to being going on a date... If I didn't really think you were a great guy or didn't have enough respect for myself I could go ahead with it but I'm just not willing for you to think I am a terrible person and I really don't want to mess around with people's feelings. I hope this doesn't make you think I'm awful but I would hope if you were in my position you'd do the same? I feel nervous even sending this message because I'm just trying to do the right thing and hope you understand x you can hate me and write nasty Facebook statuses about me if you wish". That's long-winded woman-speak for "an ex came back into my life and I'm more into him than you." And her agreeing to maybe go canoeing some time in the future is just her way of keeping you around in case this new-old guy doesn't work out.
Assasda Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Well it kinda sounded like you asked her "Please can you go on a date with me?" I may have got that wrong, but from her response thats what it sounded like. I think the pressure got to her. You'd be more liking to lock it down, if you said something like "wanna go canoeing with me, such & such' Anyway, dont be talking about just how great she is when you dont know her man. I mean she might seem great on the surface, but you know nothing about that woman. Keep that in mind. By the way, good humble message back to her, Move on OP, Good luck
Supernatural Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 I always think some women just want attention. I wouldn't believe a single word she ever told me. OLD is nuts. It literally is whack-ass crazy. The amount of bull people go through, when you could just approach a person and skip all that.. If I were you, I would forget you ever talked to her. You have NO idea about her. You have NO idea about a person even on a 5th date. She could.... -be a guy -always have had a boyfriend -never wanted to actually meet -needed a ego boost -was bored that night and just wanted to talk because she was lonely -like to entice men then break their hope, because it gives her power NONE of anything that happened has to do with you. Don't even think for a second it does. Because what you two had was just a bunch of words and pictures. Nothing was real. You should have move on right this second. And next time someone wastes your time... Don't be so sweet and offer up a second chance when they ruined their first. Know your worth, brother.
Diezel Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Let's break this down: "Okay I currently have the most horrendous task in the world which is saying that Although I would absolutely love to and have been looking forward to going canoeing on Tuesday i cant. Translation: I really, honestly was only going to go canoeing if nothing else popped up. I am going to tell you that I would have REALLY loved to go, just to make you feel better... but regardless, I probably wasn't going to anyway. Without going into too much detail someone that was from my past came up a few days ago (after we had organised canoeing, obviously) and I don't think it's fair on you or I for me to being going on a date... Translation: I'm not going to go into detail, because I am just flaking. There are no details. Hell, there probably isn't anyone else. I just need what seems to be a legitimate reason for flaking and cancelling on you in order to get you off of my back. When I said I don't think it's fair on you or I, I really meant, it's not fair for me to go through with this date at all... because I'm selfish. If I didn't really think you were a great guy or didn't have enough respect for myself I could go ahead with it but I'm just not willing for you to think I am a terrible person and I really don't want to mess around with people's feelings. Translation: If I really thought you were a great guy, I'd actually go out with you, but sadly, I'm not THAT attracted to you. I probably have a better option or two... hell, I'm probably going out with one of them on Tuesday... you know, instead of canoeing. You probably should think I am a terrible person because I AM messing around with your feelings right now. I hope this doesn't make you think I'm awful Translation: I really don't want to accept any responsibility for flaking or not wanting to go out with you. As much as I don't want to go out with you, I don't want to be held accountable and if things don't pan out with the other options, I might come back around to you. but I would hope if you were in my position you'd do the same? Translation: We both know you wouldn't. It just helps me shift the blame off of me and project it onto you. I feel nervous even sending this message because I'm just trying to do the right thing and hope you understand x you can hate me and write nasty Facebook statuses about me if you wish". Translation: I am nervous writing this message because I hope you aren't like the other dozens of guys who get mad at me because I can't be held responsible or accountable for my actions as an adult. I've done it to a BUNCH of them and am already practiced at this lame excuse. Since I am trying to do the "right thing", it means you can't be mad at me. If you hate me, that's on you. If you write nasty Facebook statuses, it'll just prove my point as to why I am flaking on you in the first place. "that would be absolutely amazing- thank you soooo much! xx" Translation: Oh, I don't want to go canoeing. Honestly, but at least I know I can come back around to you if the next two weeks go sour and my datebook empties up. Thank you so much for allowing me to flake, not be held responsible AND I got called a good egg for not wanting to go out with you? Awesome. I was really just saying thank you because you basically said I have no fault in this and flaking on you was okay. I feel so much better now and absolutely 0 guilt. Thank you.
Author HD93 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) Well, thanks for the, honest, responses guys :laugh: I'm actually fine about it. It's just that's the first time anyone has ever cancelled a date on me, so I was just wondering and stuff. For those making assumptions that I didn't know her, or that she was a man, we added each other on Facebook the same day we started texting. We had like 15 mutual friends. Well it kinda sounded like you asked her "Please can you go on a date with me?" I may have got that wrong, but from her response thats what it sounded like. I think the pressure got to her. You'd be more liking to lock it down, if you said something like "wanna go canoeing with me, such & such' Anyway, dont be talking about just how great she is when you dont know her man. I mean she might seem great on the surface, but you know nothing about that woman. Keep that in mind. By the way, good humble message back to her, Move on OP, Good luck I didn't ask her like that at all. Rather so, I actually asked whether she wanted to do something next week, and I even said that I understood if she was too busy as she described what her plans for the time left she has for Summer (quite a busy with holiday, University work, marathon training etc). So I gave her the chance to say no, if she said "Ah I'm actually quite busy next week, and I'm going on holiday on Sunday so maybe another time". I have no qualms that she wanted to go on the date with me. She initiated contact with me when we met, and she did most of the talking and said that she found me endearing and was interested with what I was saying about myself etc. I asked on Friday, and she said yes. We made plans as she said "I'm not much of a movie or dinner kind of gal, so let's do something exciting like canoeing?". I was well up for it. We made plans about how to get there, and said that we'll decide on the time closer to the date when we know more about the weather. So to be honest, I'm not as sceptical as you guys. Maybe you guys were right. I'm not saying you were wrong. She did go out for a friend's 21st on the Friday after we talked about the date, so it would make sense that someone came up. I know it doesn't matter at all now But I just thought I'd clear that up. Chances are she did have some feelings for this guy from her past. Do I blame her? No not really. We only knew each other for 4 days or so, while I'm sure she knew this guy a whole lot longer. Ah well, I'm moving on. In a way, I don't think I was quite ready to go on a date with this type of person yet. My relationship broke down 2 months ago now, and even though I'm been on dates, I don't think I'm 100% over that yet. She seemed like a really really good match as we had so so so much in common. I'd prefer that if we do go on a date sometime, I'd be more ready for it. Thanks again for the honest words. Edited August 25, 2014 by HD93
Author HD93 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 One more thing, she popped up on Facebook today again for a chat. Interesting.
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