aprilisi Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 You may think that now you can handle it. But something always happens. The last one, I ended it last night. We've been meeting for six months. I can't stop crying, not because I loved him. I am just so pissed and frustrated. He stopped caring about pleasing me. I put up with that for over two months. For two months I would be upset, put on a smiling face, then go home and cry in frustration. And I would think I'll give him one more chance. Last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. I won't go into graphic detail but I have had a hard time voicing my desires. But I am getting better at it, the last few times I have voiced disappointment he has pretty much ignored it. Last night he got his twice then when I tried again he said he was tired. Selfish jerk. I called him out on it before I left, this isn't the first time this has happened, now the 3rd or 5th....telling him fwb was supposed to be beneficial to both, and he just lays there looking at the ceiling. After the first two texts today, he said he couldn't get it up. I told him he had no problem the first two times and this has happened many other times, I blocked him from my llife. Then he shows up at my house. Guess now he realizes he has ruined a good thing.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 You may think that now you can handle it. But something always happens. The last one, I ended it last night. We've been meeting for six months. I can't stop crying, not because I loved him. I am just so pissed and frustrated. He stopped caring about pleasing me. I put up with that for over two months. For two months I would be upset, put on a smiling face, then go home and cry in frustration. And I would think I'll give him one more chance. Last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. I won't go into graphic detail but I have had a hard time voicing my desires. But I am getting better at it, the last few times I have voiced disappointment he has pretty much ignored it. Last night he got his twice then when I tried again he said he was tired. Selfish jerk. I called him out on it before I left, this isn't the first time this has happened, now the 3rd or 5th....telling him fwb was supposed to be beneficial to both, and he just lays there looking at the ceiling. After the first two texts today, he said he couldn't get it up. I told him he had no problem the first two times and this has happened many other times, I blocked him from my llife. Then he shows up at my house. Guess now he realizes he has ruined a good thing. Sounds like you were having feels for him and he was using you without reciprocating. Sorry to hear. 1
Supernatural Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Always give the girl what she wants and always give me what I want. That's the key to a successful FWB. It's really simple to keep it going. Sounds like he was just a selfish dude. And that's not good in any area of life.
D.Mc. Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 FWB: results in no F (friendship wasn't real to begin with, just a screen to make the request for the sex acceptable) & no B (benefits of actually having someone as your official GF/BF: you go out like a normal couple, movies, dinner, meet families & the sex is special b/c it's not "D" list: I can't get anyone else so you wanna?). When FWB's end you are left with nothing but a bad feeling about yourself & the other person. So actually they do serve as a training ground for what breaking up w/a GF/BF will feel like, other than that... 2
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Just like any relationship, if they stop reciprocating, face it, it is over. If you want 100% satisfaction, and commitment, have a committed relationship. FWB seems to have fuzzy borders, when there are no clear and concise ground rules agreed on at the beginning. I never really understood FWB when all it is, is a relationship without a title. You can't tell me feelings do not develop over time. You hang out together like a couple, you have committed sex like a couple....so stupid. I didn't sleep with my friends, I had f buddies I met up with at my convenience. If it's just for sex, stop with the friends crap....it leads to mixed feelings and confusion.
OwMyEyeball Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Just like any relationship, if they stop reciprocating, face it, it is over. If you want 100% satisfaction, and commitment, have a committed relationship. FWB seems to have fuzzy borders, when there are no clear and concise ground rules agreed on at the beginning. I never really understood FWB when all it is, is a relationship without a title. You can't tell me feelings do not develop over time. You hang out together like a couple, you have committed sex like a couple....so stupid. I didn't sleep with my friends, I had f buddies I met up with at my convenience. If it's just for sex, stop with the friends crap....it leads to mixed feelings and confusion. F buddies seems to make a lot more sense. You skip the all pretense, possibilities and the eventuality of one side developing (and often repressing) feelings. Sex and only sex. Going anywhere beyond that is an open invitation to suffering. Or, y'know, a relationship. 1
marcjb Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 F buddies seems to make a lot more sense. You skip the all pretense, possibilities and the eventuality of one side developing (and often repressing) feelings. Sex and only sex. Going anywhere beyond that is an open invitation to suffering. Or, y'know, a relationship. People don't develope feelings when just sex is involved?
Woggle Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Just be honest from the start and don't get hurt when they stick to the original agreement. People need to accept these kinds of arrangements for what they are.
marcjb Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Just be honest from the start and don't get hurt when they stick to the original agreement. People need to accept these kinds of arrangements for what they are. How often does that happen? Most of the time people think that one of these arrangements are a good idea so that they won't get hurt again like in a previous relationship, then they get feelings and then they get hurt again. People need to learn how to face their feelings and emotions and stop putting up barriers. 1
ascendotum Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 He stopped caring about pleasing me. I put up with that for over two months. For two months I would be upset, put on a smiling face, then go home and cry in frustration. And I would think I'll give him one more chance. This is not a reason to say no to fwb. You just didn't play the way it should be played. Generally the women have the upper hand due to the supply demand imbalance, but when deep emotions creep into it, they often don't end up being the one calling the shots. Really though in ideal fwb there should be no power plays. The beauty of fwb for a woman is she does not have to put up with shyte or selfishness or piss weak attitude. Plenty of punters out there who will be happy to meet your limited expectations for a fwb. You didn't have to endure it for 2 mths, you just stop calling him and go out and do other stuff or other people and txt him back sorry but you are busy or sorry but this isn't working for me anymore. Its crazy to cry over a 'no strings attached' fwb unless.... you secretly wish it would become a relationship. 1
Woggle Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 How often does that happen? Most of the time people think that one of these arrangements are a good idea so that they won't get hurt again like in a previous relationship, then they get feelings and then they get hurt again. People need to learn how to face their feelings and emotions and stop putting up barriers. Then that is their fault. If you know the score from the start don't get mad when your feelings change. If you can't approach things from that angle then FWB might not be for you. You can't get mad at somebody for doing what they say they are going to do.
Mrin Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Aside from the crying thing, doesn't sound like the lady got the "feels" for him per se. But rather the dude didn't know how to please her and stopped trying. Best way to screw up a FWB IMHO. In a FWB you need to either be a rockstar or at least consistent. Because, if you're can't dole out the B, there won't be an F. After, all, it is all about the B isn't it? 3
Author aprilisi Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 To cllarify...I was crying in frustration and anger. I always have. Plus, yeah...I was hurt because he didn't care to try. I never asked him for anything. No committment. I just wanted to depart sexually satisfied and in a good mood. Which had been at least 2 months since that had happened.
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 You were mad at him because he had erectile difficulties? You think a guy with ED can just get it up by making an effort?
isisisweeping Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 That sounds like a crap arrangement and not typical of FWB at all. I'm not sure how you stayed in it for even a fraction of that.
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Amazes me how people seem to think that a fwb is only for the benefit of the man. My fwb is for MY benefit. We do it when I AM in the mood. I decide what act will be performed or not. He is happy to execute himself upon my wish. He never demanded anything, demeaned me, disrespected me or made me cry. Every time he sees me naked in front of him his eyes bright up and his jaw drops like it's the very first time and he's been my fwb for 3 years.
BikerAccnt Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Amazes me how people seem to think that a fwb is only for the benefit of the man. . Oh I don't think that. I think it can go both ways, but as LadyLuck said, rephrased for my perspective... Never have, never will. I just couldn't imagine being some gal's f*ck buddy. I'd rather watch paint dry (masturbate actually for me). I'm just not built that way, and I don't think most people are.I can't just have sex to have sex. I've had one night stands back in the day, and didn't find those satisfying. I can't imagine finding it satisfactory on a FWB basis. Sex means more than that "for me" 1
marcjb Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Then that is their fault. If you know the score from the start don't get mad when your feelings change. If you can't approach things from that angle then FWB might not be for you. You can't get mad at somebody for doing what they say they are going to do. I already know that it isn't for me as well as 90% the population. Th idea of FWB is just the same as opposite gender "friends". Someone always gets feelings. If that someone isn't you, it's most likely the other person.
marcjb Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) Amazes me how people seem to think that a fwb is only for the benefit of the man. My fwb is for MY benefit. We do it when I AM in the mood. I decide what act will be performed or not. He is happy to execute himself upon my wish. He never demanded anything, demeaned me, disrespected me or made me cry. Every time he sees me naked in front of him his eyes bright up and his jaw drops like it's the very first time and he's been my fwb for 3 years. Haven't you posted here many times about relationships that haven't worked out? I wonder if it's because you've kept a male "friend" (with benefits) floating around and your exes knew about it. Why not just have a committed relationship with that person then? Edited August 25, 2014 by marcjb
Author aprilisi Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 clariffication 2, I gave him oral twice. Twice. He had no problem getting it up then. And he can last a long time. And even if he had a dysfunction, which he does not. There are other ways to please a woman. He was just too tired
ASG Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 How often does that happen? Most of the time people think that one of these arrangements are a good idea so that they won't get hurt again like in a previous relationship, then they get feelings and then they get hurt again. People need to learn how to face their feelings and emotions and stop putting up barriers. I've had plenty of FWB where no feelings developed on either side, and that ended naturally. (as in, we just drifted apart, there was no conversation about "I don't want to do this anymore") 2
Gaeta Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Haven't you posted here many times about relationships that haven't worked out? I wonder if it's because you've kept a male "friend" (with benefits) floating around and your exes knew about it. Why not just have a committed relationship with that person then? When I meet someone I stop seeing my fwb and no I don't tell about having a fwb. My fwb is not relationship material. You don't become a fwb with someone you have hopes for. You do it with someone you know 100% it could never ever be something more.
letmoc Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Amazes me how people seem to think that a fwb is only for the benefit of the man. My fwb is for MY benefit. We do it when I AM in the mood. I decide what act will be performed or not. He is happy to execute himself upon my wish. He never demanded anything, demeaned me, disrespected me or made me cry. Every time he sees me naked in front of him his eyes bright up and his jaw drops like it's the very first time and he's been my fwb for 3 years. It sounds to me like he might be the one who has feelings for you then because your situation sounds as one-sided as the OP. 1
mightycpa Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 voicing my desires vs. voiced disappointment Two different things. I never asked him for anything. BINGO! And now you're disappointed.... What always amazes me is how women will let men do all sorts of things to their bodies, but they are afraid to talk about these things forthrightly. If you can't talk about it, you're either not ready, or with the wrong person. 2
Author aprilisi Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 I was getting better at voicing my desires. It's like, he would do this every couple weeks. Two weeks ago I left happy, two weeks before that, crying. It's great when he puts an effort in. I am not hard to please. I have faked many an orgasm because he did try to make him feel good. But it's still satisfying for me. But when he doesn't even try. The second time he actually told me what he was going to do for me, not to be graphic...it was exciting as hell. Then nothing except I'm too tired...coming down from those heights...horrible One night I stayed til 5am, he had had oral twice then as well. Then he told me he couldnt cause he had to go to work.
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