lizlovesss Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Hello everyone. I hope someone can help me out on this thoughts I've been having for the last two weeks. I am fine... I was on a relationship for 1 year, and he kind of broke up with me 4 months ago. When we started to get to know each other he was a very romantic person, very sweet and protective. As time passed by this started to fade away, but I thought it was the normal thing to happen. He was still sweet, but he wasn't very romantic, and sometimes he was even more self-focused than anything. No matter what, I felt loved, and I am sure he felt loved by me too. It was mutual... We broke up before, I was the one who did it that time (at the 9 months mark of our relationship). My reason for doing it was that he lied to me about his past. He cheated on his ex and never told me. This might sound as an unreasonable thing to do, because, as far as I know, he never cheated on me (I gotta say that a lot of people doubt about this, and me to), so his past wasn't of my concern, right?... So I regretted my decision, and after two months of being away, I asked him to talk, so I could see if he was still interested on being with me. He indeed was, and was also very ashamed for having lied to me. He also told me that during those two months he slept with two other girls, and one of them was one of his exes. I was a little freaked out, but also curious about his honesty. I think he told me because he knew that transparency was very important to me. I never lied to him on anything, so yes, honesty was definitely a big deal to me. However, I had this feeling of that he was hiding something else. I tried to make him talk to me about what happened with him and those girls, aside from the fact that they had sex. I questioned if it was only casual, and he said yes. After making some "arrangements" (I was only 19 years old at the time, and he was 24. I told him that we needed to discuss some things with my parents if he was serious about us. We postponed this, and the thing is, he always seemed like he was hiding something, and like he didn't wanted to discuss anything with them. I also asked him to cut ties with the ex he slept with, and to not drink too much alcohol... well, sorry... i asked him this because i thought he wasn't depending on it, but maybe he was). We decided to be a couple again, but we were seeing each other in secret. I was a little bit resented with him because he never tried to clear things before sleeping with those girls... But I knew that breaking up was my choice and not his, so I never said anything about it to him, knowing my own responsibility. He was very happy for the next month... Sometimes it was hard, but he always said that he really loved to be with me. One night (he called me on the phone) he suddenly told me he didn't loved me anymore. We talked and then again, he told me he did loved me and that we could try to change things. We saw each other the next morning and after saying to him how much I wanted to make things work and how I was being completely honest to him he (again) said that he didn't loved me anymore. I completely backed off from him from that point on. Told him to never search for me if he ever regretted what he did and stuff like that. I felt like an idiot for having believed on everything he said to me when we decided to be a couple again... He said I was the best person he ever met, and that he never loved anyone like he loved me. Three days before the break up he was jealous of one random guy, but then three days later there he was, saying that "no, I don't want to be with you anymore". I passed a lot of time in my house. I didn't hanged out or dated until two months passed. When I finally started dating I actually saw him on one of those dates. Three days after that happened he sent me and email saying that he wanted us to be friends (he said this in the day of the break up too). I just deleted it. I started more seriously dating one guy, and just one week ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. I agreed. The thing is... after three days of this, my best male friend went to my house because he wanted to tell me something that he said "he couldn't tell me before because I was depressed". He then said to me that he knew my ex cheated a lot of times, and hid many things from me (they know each other from high school, but I know my friend since we were kids)... He told me that my ex really did loved me, but that this was better for me. My friend doesn't has any personal reasons to lie to me about this, so I trust him. It could be that my ex really left me because he was lying about many more things that the ones I already know? Was he afraid of commitment? Of having to talk to my parents and be serious? Was I doormat for giving him another opportunity, even knowing that he was a liar? My actual boyfriend knows all of this, and knows I have been in NC and don't pretend to get back with that person at all. But more importantly, I know it. I just want to understand if I did something wrong. Thanks.
Author lizlovesss Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 no. he just follows his "heart" wherever it points.. Does this mean he is just impulsive?
TheyCallMeOx Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) During a relationship, there's five important things you have to keep in balance: 1. Being yourself. Be authentic. You express yourself the way you want to express yourself, you feel the way you want to feel, you do the things you want to do. 2. Allow your partner to be his/herself. 3. Don't lie. If a partner says "what's wrong," something is wrong and you say "nothing," that is lying. 4. Don't manipulate (that includes cheating). Don't be putting people on "backburners," don't be spending time trying to find loop holes in the system (ex: "I was drunk.") 5. Tell the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. If you're doing all those things, you've done nothing wrong. Even if you were the worst girlfriend in the history of mankind, that doesn't justify people cheating on you, or whatever the case may be. People make their own choices regardless of circumstances and there's never a circumstance where you can blame yourself for other people's actions. When you're the best girlfriend you can possibly be, you've done your best. Period. End of story. If the relationship doesn't work out, it's not because you've failed or anything like that; it's either you and him just weren't compatible, he decided to be a dumbas*, or whatever. When you're the best you can be, there is nothing you did that was wrong. Things happen in life exactly the way they are supposed to happen and if things don't work out even if you feel like you've tried your best, that's life. You will move on, and you'll get better. Edited August 24, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx 1
Author lizlovesss Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 During a relationship, there's five important things you have to keep in balance: 1. Being yourself. Be authentic. You express yourself the way you want to express yourself, you feel the way you want to feel, you do the things you want to do. 2. Allow your partner to be his/herself. 3. Don't lie. If a partner says "what's wrong," something is wrong and you say "nothing," that is lying. 4. Don't manipulate (that includes cheating). Don't be putting people on "backburners," don't be spending time trying to find loop holes in the system (ex: "I was drunk.") 5. Tell the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. If you're doing all those things, you've done nothing wrong. Even if you were the worst girlfriend in the history of mankind, that doesn't justify people cheating on you, or whatever the case may be. People make their own choices regardless of circumstances and there's never a circumstance where you can blame yourself for other people's actions. When you're the best girlfriend you can possibly be, you've done your best. Period. End of story. If the relationship doesn't work out, it's not because you've failed or anything like that; it's either you and him just weren't compatible, he decided to be a dumbas*, or whatever. When you're the best you can be, there is nothing you did that was wrong. Things happen in life exactly the way they are supposed to happen and if things don't work out even if you feel like you've tried your best, that's life. You will move on, and you'll get better. I think sometimes I failed the most in point number one. However, when we got back I had this on mind the whole time, and I expressed myself completely. ... maybe it was just not meant to be.
Author lizlovesss Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) Hey there. The day my ex dumped me he cried. However, his "crying" and saying how wonderful I was never stopped him of going on a date just three days after that happened. It never stopped him of searching for multiple girls. As I wrote on the link I posted, he contacted me saying he wanted to be friends some time ago. One week ago he contacted me again to dedicate me a song and tell me that "maybe in another life would be our time to be together... or that maybe this was the life we should be together". I was like: what the hell? You dumped me. It wasn't because of me that we couldn't be together anymore.... But I didn't said a thing to him. What the hell does that means? He knows I have a boyfriend, so I think he might only want me again because of it. Should I say something to him to make him go away, or should I just keep my silence? Edited September 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author lizlovesss Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 It sure is. However, I get the feeling of that he won't stop even if I ignore him.
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