FIONA7 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) Met a guy on a dating site a month ago. we were exchanging texts back and forth for a month before me met. (it was my fault it took so long to meet as i was super busy) Conversation was easy going and we would talk about anything and everything. Tone between us was always upbeat and fun. Anyway we finally met and we hit it off instantly. Firework chemistry and non stop flowing conversation. He kissed me halfway through the night and from that point on it just felt amazing - like we had known each other for ages and I could tell we both just felt so comfortable. He mentioned date number 2 during the date and i said yes id like to see him again. The date ended after 4 hours. We kissed goodnight and hugged and as we were parting he again he mentioned seeing me again. He text me before id even got home to ask if i was home safe yet. Sent a couple of texts back and forth before we said goodnight (He again said 'lets sort another date soon'). He text again on the saturday asking how i was. (date was on thursday) and we spoke a little about the date. He said how intense it felt but intense in a good way and that i felt really good.... that i was a great kisser and i replied saying he felt good too etc etc. After that he initiated text every day but text with no substance.... it was just hi how are you and not much else. i was expecting him to set up another date but he wasnt and his tone was just cold... nothing like any of our upbeat texting before the date. We got to wednesday now and i was so fed up with his 'hi how are you' that i just replied and said 'hey why dont you call me later if you are free and maybe we can talk then' he agreed he would call that night. But he didnt call.... He did text in the morning saying he was sorry he was shattered from work and fell asleep the night before and he promised he would call that night. I replied saying no probs, have a great day. I wasnt that bothered although he was online on whatsapp till late so he could have called if he wanted too but no big deal... He finally calls that night as promised and im thinking great! finally we can hear one anothers voices and actually arrange a date... he called while he was driving to a friends house. we spoke for about 20mins and then he said he had to go as he reached his friends place and that we had to get something in the diary soon. Why is he being so vague? i dont understand.... why call me why text me everyday but not set a second date? i totally feel like any momentum has died now esp as our little conversation through text has been very generic and without sentiment or tone. Am i wrong to be seeing red flags already? Seems like ive been put on a back burner here. There is such a massive difference in the way he's been texting me and i dont think ive ever been on a great date where 1 week later a 2nd date hasnt been confirmed when there has been contact by the guy everyday. why keep talking about the date but never plan it? what is he actually waiting for? At what point do you ladies not acept a 2nd date and lose interest? Cannot be that he is shy as he literally pursued the hell out of me to get me on this first date when i wasnt so engaged prior to meeting. Im very confused here. Shall i just forget him and move on? Im really not keen to mention the second date to him either as i really feel strongly that he should be showing me how keen he is. Im actually ready to blow him off after writing all this!!!! So annoyed. why cant men just be consistent? Edited August 24, 2014 by FIONA7
Author FIONA7 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 Thats what i thought.... Thank you for confirming im not psycho or mad! Dropping him faster than I picked him up! 1
sid3 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I'd say LadyL nailed it. The only other possibility is that he's playing by some kind of the equivalent to the Rules, but for guys. Which is equally as lame. Either way, Next! Oh and trusting one's gut is absolutely the best advice you'll ever get.
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Yep, exactly why I don't OLD. You'll run into this behavior A LOT.
Author FIONA7 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 im so annoyed... i just feel like hes taken me for an idiot - not because hes clearly dating others but because did he actually think he could get away with sending me a couple of generic BS messages to keep my interest? He must have thought i was dumb or desperate to accept this crap.... or do these men get away with this because other women let them get away with it....
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Well typically people who are OLDing are multi dating. You should be too! You're fooling yourself to think that whoever you may meet isn't winking and hooking up coffee dates left & right while dating you. 1
Author FIONA7 Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 you misunderstand me... multi-dating is one thing but dont act like ur so hung up over me then and just go suddenly cold. thats just fickle. Better to not message me at all than message me crap every day 'hi how are u' if you found someone better. There's no reason why you couldnt multi-date and still be respectful in your communication. he must have been aware how he was coming across... if he just doesnt care then why bother message in the first place. brings me back to the point i made before about he must consciously think he can get away with it.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 One of you needs to speak up and arrange something. Could it just be that you were each waiting for the other to set up the second date? Put the first foot forward: "hey, how about movies on Monday?" Then at least you'll know whether he's going to blow you off, or maybe he was just waiting for you to tell him your schedule and then you two could set something up.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 you misunderstand me... multi-dating is one thing but dont act like ur so hung up over me then and just go suddenly cold. thats just fickle. Better to not message me at all than message me crap every day 'hi how are u' if you found someone better. There's no reason why you couldnt multi-date and still be respectful in your communication. he must have been aware how he was coming across... if he just doesnt care then why bother message in the first place. brings me back to the point i made before about he must consciously think he can get away with it. You have no idea whether this is true. The only way you'll know is by talking to him and trying to set something up. Just because he's dating other women, doesn't mean he's not into you. He could have been totally honest on his first date, and really be looking forward to a second date yet just waiting for the details on when it's going to happen. That's why you need to suggest something and see if he's interested.
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 People have the worst manners with OLDing. They think they can get away with A LOT. Wait until you meet someone you REALLY like, date him for three months only to have them disappear after acting SOOOOOO interested. Exactly why I don't waste my time with OLDing anymore. You'll see. One thing I can credit it for is giving you a tough skin after all the crap you'll go through. This one actually isn't so bad compared to others he just hasn't stepped up for the second date. As Dr Phil suggested just ask him out see if he flakes. At least you won't be wasting your time anymore if he does.
Author FIONA7 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Considering i picked the last venue and the last place AND i offered to pay my share of the bill and he accepted... aLSO the fact that i pushed for the phonecall instead of the crappy texts - which i honestly thought would be when he stepped up to confirming the second date... I honestly think he is more than capable of asking me himself and NOT waiting for me to ask. Esp how he pursued me for the first date. I have a 14 month old baby (which he knows about) and i dont have time to waste on someone who thinks im only good enough as a back burner. If he really liked me he wouldnt talk about a second date 4 freakin times. he would have made it by now. 3
Author FIONA7 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Posted August 25, 2014 Thanks everyone for your input. Going to nip this one in the bud now and maybe take a little break from OLD. 1
Fondue Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 You sound really upset and I don't understand it. It was one date and a few days of texts. That's all. Move on. These things happen to both men and women equally. Happens to everyone. Never get too invested in one option this early. It only sets you up for failure.
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