Its been 2 months since we broke up, we spoke (Update)

[Lingo1]

Ok well since summer has begun i have messed up really bad my girlfriend dumped me in May because of a couple of reason such as anger,telling her i would like to see her in certain types of clothes, and not being there for her. Well she started talking her bestfriend ex( her bestfriend dated him when they were little 7th grade ) .So now says she wants me to change ( fix my temper,anger and etc) so i told myself i will fix these problems and come back to see how things go but how can if there is someone else she is talking to possible even dating and she just doesnt want to tell me ? Its been 2 months since we broke up we spoke here and a there i begged and stuff to get her back she didnt move seem like she cared but then when i started to change she started to say "i miss you "i mean the the other boy knows about me so its like is he a rebound? Is she just filling the hole that i messed up at ? She told my friends hes better then me, and when my friends ask can u give me a second chance she says yes i will but then she changes the decision to "idk" i am wondering is confused about it?. For example i am taking anger management classes so i told her i have to go upstate for a while i may not have my phone she told me " dont do this , i am going miss you " i told her "this is the only way for me to atleast try to get you back " she started crying and now idk what to do or think i mean i am doing no contact until she hits me up i just started the other day so i just wanna know these questions

 

 

(Her friends tell me to move on)

(She told me move on because she happy but then does this so its like huh? what to do ?)

 

And please easy with the harsh comments i was on another website earlier and people were just making me feel worst about myself

1. Is he a rebound?

2.Can i get her back?

3.Will NC atleast make her miss me?

[Pendragon]

She dumped you, told you to move on, basically left you to resume a chapter in her little black book which should have ended a long time ago, you begged, and she is stringing you along or doesn't seem to know what she wants. That alone should tell you what you should do.

 

If your anger issues are serious then they are in fact something you should address before entering into another relationship. The two of you should have started complete NC when the relationship died instead of talking "here and there" because contact will just keep bringing hurt to you.

 

It doesn't matter if he's a rebound or not, rebounds can last barely any amount of time or they can expand into the person they end up marrying. Don't wait around for her. NC might end up making her miss you in a sense, but missing someone =/= desire for reconciliation and using NC as a tool to manipulate someone's feelings into getting back together with you will ultimately lead to disaster.

 

What you should do right now is actually begin no-contact but for the right reasons. This means no talking here and there and no sitting around waiting for her to "miss you and fall back into your arms".

[josephrm]

Seems like a typical young relationship.

 

1. Is he a rebound?

Not necessarily, seems to me she doesn't want to settle down. She doesn't want to lose you but at the same time she feels trapped and wants to experience the world.

 

2. Can you get her back?

Take it as a loss, move on and do what's best for you. If she comes around and you truley believe you both have matured and think it's worth a shot why not?

 

3. Will NC make her miss you?

NC shouldn't be used to get someone back. The reason for NC is so you both can get through the healing phase. Honestly if she's young then most likely she will miss you. But it's only because she may fear rejection. Most young people seek attention whether it's negative or positive. If she loses the attention from someone she cared about she will seek it again. But using NC to your advantage is a bad idea. The healing process will be ruined and you won't have a good way to heal because you used your healing process for selfishness. Next time you need NC to heal, you will find yourself angry when she decides not to be the first to reach out.

[josephrm]

By the way, when I say young that doesn't just mean age. Just to clear it up young can also be the level of maturity. I know many people in their 30s that act like they are still in high school or college.

[Lingo1]

Seems like a typical young relationship.

 

1. Is he a rebound?

Not necessarily, seems to me she doesn't want to settle down. She doesn't want to lose you but at the same time she feels trapped and wants to experience the world.

 

2. Can you get her back?

Take it as a loss, move on and do what's best for you. If she comes around and you truley believe you both have matured and think it's worth a shot why not?

 

3. Will NC make her miss you?

NC shouldn't be used to get someone back. The reason for NC is so you both can get through the healing phase. Honestly if she's young then most likely she will miss you. But it's only because she may fear rejection. Most young people seek attention whether it's negative or positive. If she loses the attention from someone she cared about she will seek it again. But using NC to your advantage is a bad idea. The healing process will be ruined and you won't have a good way to heal because you used your healing process for selfishness. Next time you need NC to heal, you will find yourself angry when she decides not to be the first to reach out.

 

 

Well today i spoke to her bestfriend on fb( and my ex was on the account i made her think i didn't know)

 

 

1. she told me to move on

2.she said shes happy

3.its too late to fix things ( i dont get this because she never told me anything was really wrong )

4.I am doing NC to heal and better myself

5.We are in our 20s

[Chi townD]

Yeah, you need to focus on number 4. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. If you're doing anger management, you need to do that for you and no one else.

 

 

So, what other things have you've been doing to "better yourself"?

[Lingo1]

Yeah, you need to focus on number 4. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. If you're doing anger management, you need to do that for you and no one else.

 

 

So, what other things have you've been doing to "better yourself"?

 

I have been going to gym,talking/hanging out with my friends school starts in few weeks so i am good

 

( Thank you guys for being kindi was on the notalone forums and they made me feel like **** )

[Lingo1]

She dumped you, told you to move on, basically left you to resume a chapter in her little black book which should have ended a long time ago, you begged, and she is stringing you along or doesn't seem to know what she wants. That alone should tell you what you should do.

 

If your anger issues are serious then they are in fact something you should address before entering into another relationship. The two of you should have started complete NC when the relationship died instead of talking "here and there" because contact will just keep bringing hurt to you.

 

It doesn't matter if he's a rebound or not, rebounds can last barely any amount of time or they can expand into the person they end up marrying. Don't wait around for her. NC might end up making her miss you in a sense, but missing someone =/= desire for reconciliation and using NC as a tool to manipulate someone's feelings into getting back together with you will ultimately lead to disaster.

 

What you should do right now is actually begin no-contact but for the right reasons. This means no talking here and there and no sitting around waiting for her to "miss you and fall back into your arms".

 

its not a big issue its just i overthink things but i do have to work on it

[Chi townD]

I have been going to gym,talking/hanging out with my friends school starts in few weeks so i am good

 

( Thank you guys for being kindi was on the notalone forums and they made me feel like **** )

 

 

 

That's a good start, dude.

 

 

But you need to be doing more. Continue to go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you burn of the stress and frustrations you've been having. Eat right and get plenty of sleep. You'll be working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to notice. Then, get a new hairstyle that people are going to notice and like.

 

 

Then, get a new wardrobe. If you're a jeans, gym shoes and t-shirt kind of guy. Change to designer jeans, leather shoes, buttondown shirt with the sleeves rolled up and an open vest kind of guy. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!! LOOKING SHARP!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Study hard in school, but while you're there. JOIN SOME CLUBS!!! Put yourself out there! Meet new people! Get involved! (I don't know if you're in High School or College, but the concept still applies).

 

 

Then, get a new hobby. With that hobby, there's usually a club in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join them! Join a men's soccer league, or take diving classes, or join a running or cycling club. Or take a cooking class, or photography course. Just get out and do something!

 

 

Then, finally, travel. If you're still in High school and not old enough to do some extensive travel, then start saving for a trip. Think of a place you've always wanted to visit; do the research, save your money and GO!

 

 

You stated that your Ex is watching. Well, let her watch you take your life back and let her see the adventures you've been having and the new people you have in your life and the fun that you've been having. Let her think to herself, "Damn, I screwed up! How come he couldn't be this interesting when we dated?!?!" You know what? HER LOSS!!!!

[Lingo1]

That's a good start, dude.

 

 

But you need to be doing more. Continue to go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you burn of the stress and frustrations you've been having. Eat right and get plenty of sleep. You'll be working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to notice. Then, get a new hairstyle that people are going to notice and like.

 

 

Then, get a new wardrobe. If you're a jeans, gym shoes and t-shirt kind of guy. Change to designer jeans, leather shoes, buttondown shirt with the sleeves rolled up and an open vest kind of guy. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!! LOOKING SHARP!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Study hard in school, but while you're there. JOIN SOME CLUBS!!! Put yourself out there! Meet new people! Get involved! (I don't know if you're in High School or College, but the concept still applies).

 

 

Then, get a new hobby. With that hobby, there's usually a club in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join them! Join a men's soccer league, or take diving classes, or join a running or cycling club. Or take a cooking class, or photography course. Just get out and do something!

 

 

Then, finally, travel. If you're still in High school and not old enough to do some extensive travel, then start saving for a trip. Think of a place you've always wanted to visit; do the research, save your money and GO!

 

 

You stated that your Ex is watching. Well, let her watch you take your life back and let her see the adventures you've been having and the new people you have in your life and the fun that you've been having. Let her think to herself, "Damn, I screwed up! How come he couldn't be this interesting when we dated?!?!" You know what? HER LOSS!!!!

 

Lol i plan on going on a vacation in a few weeks and i am in college im am going bookmark this page so i can always remember this post whenever i want to break NC thanks man! Also thanks for helping me in my other post!

[Lingo1]

That's a good start, dude.

 

 

But you need to be doing more. Continue to go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. That will help you burn of the stress and frustrations you've been having. Eat right and get plenty of sleep. You'll be working towards that rock hard and ripped bod that girls are definitely going to notice. Then, get a new hairstyle that people are going to notice and like.

 

 

Then, get a new wardrobe. If you're a jeans, gym shoes and t-shirt kind of guy. Change to designer jeans, leather shoes, buttondown shirt with the sleeves rolled up and an open vest kind of guy. You want people to say, "DAMN DUDE!! LOOKING SHARP!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

 

Study hard in school, but while you're there. JOIN SOME CLUBS!!! Put yourself out there! Meet new people! Get involved! (I don't know if you're in High School or College, but the concept still applies).

 

 

Then, get a new hobby. With that hobby, there's usually a club in your area with people that have a shared interest. So, join them! Join a men's soccer league, or take diving classes, or join a running or cycling club. Or take a cooking class, or photography course. Just get out and do something!

 

 

Then, finally, travel. If you're still in High school and not old enough to do some extensive travel, then start saving for a trip. Think of a place you've always wanted to visit; do the research, save your money and GO!

 

 

You stated that your Ex is watching. Well, let her watch you take your life back and let her see the adventures you've been having and the new people you have in your life and the fun that you've been having. Let her think to herself, "Damn, I screwed up! How come he couldn't be this interesting when we dated?!?!" You know what? HER LOSS!!!!

 

Sorry for double post and what i found funny is that she dumped me because of issues because of the arguments and problems we had instead of standing by me and helping me through them which i found funny. She even dumped me last summer for no reason what so ever when i went on vacation for 2weeks she said " she fell out of love" i said how u fall out of love in 2 weeks lmaoooo by God's grace i can overcome this day by day

Edited August 12, 2014 by Lingo1

[Chi townD]

I want you to do me a favor and look up Michael93's thread and read his last post. He just got back from Venice and he came to a few conclusions while he was having the Vacation of a lifetime. Read it. It may help you.

[Lingo1]

I want you to do me a favor and look up Michael93's thread and read his last post. He just got back from Venice and he came to a few conclusions while he was having the Vacation of a lifetime. Read it. It may help you.

 

Wow! it has funny because i think the same thing when i go on vacation ..

[Michael 93]

I want you to do me a favor and look up Michael93's thread and read his last post. He just got back from Venice and he came to a few conclusions while he was having the Vacation of a lifetime. Read it. It may help you.

 

 

 

OP please listen to this man. I have become a much much better person due to this guy and the other wonderful people on this forum.

 

Chi this is what I wanted, for my story to motivate other people. Damn I love this place!

 

Lingo keep going. Post whatever you need to. there are many people here who want to help. You can do this.

[Lingo1]

OP please listen to this man. I have become a much much better person due to this guy and the other wonderful people on this forum.

 

Chi this is what I wanted, for my story to motivate other people. Damn I love this place!

 

Lingo keep going. Post whatever you need to. there are many people here who want to help. You can do this.

 

Like right now i am tempted to text because i am not lol . An old ex of mine came over today ( me and her are close because we agreed we couldnt because of college ) too see how i was and i had fun. Tell u truth i am really happy for some weird reason. I literally just got in from Gym i think i am going workout some more at home lol a friend of mine told me the boy she is talking too/dating goes back upstate for college today so i am still in NC even if she hits me up i will ignore because i know its because she lonely and have nobody to speak too ( because i was always free to speak too). I know she is rebounding him because she dated him right after we broke up but it doesnt bother me i am moving foward

 

 

What i even found funny was that i even asked my ex that came over do u think i had a anger or temper she said no she told me u only get upset when someone in the relationship does something u dont like or something foolish but irdc about my ex girlfriend that dumped me after today i really though she was going give me a second chance since i gave her one when she left me but o well

Edited August 12, 2014 by Lingo1

[Lingo1]

Today she was on her friend fb again lol i was laughing so much in my head i told my friends we were all just laughin:lmao:

[Chi townD]

Dude, you got to block her on facebook and you got to stop looking for her. That's not NC. You also need to tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything about her. You feel good now. But, trust me on this, it's going to get worse before it starts to get better.

[Lingo1]

Dude, you got to block her on facebook and you got to stop looking for her. That's not NC. You also need to tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything about her. You feel good now. But, trust me on this, it's going to get worse before it starts to get better.

 

 

My ex already blocked me her friend account on the other hand is just there my friends told me she has been doing so i really dont pay attention right now i am waiting on this other girl to come over for some ....:lmao:

[Lingo1]

well i have been going she contacted me 2 days straight i was just being nice she told me they arent dating still, but she had sex with him ( even when i asked her multiply times) that is the last straw so i guess shes mad at me for feeling some type of way lol because she told me to move on , and forget about her i know she doesnt mean it but idc still i know she will try to come back but by that time it will be too late because i will be over and long gone from maybe i may even finish my healing process BUT THANK U CHI !

[Chi townD]

Why you thanking me? I told you to go NC and stay there. Now, you're posting that you've been talking to her? Dude! What was the point of all of that? So, how did it make you feel to discover that she screwed this other dude? How does it feel knowing you were right about them?

 

 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the big picture! Do you know why she contacted you? Why she was contacting you for two days? It wasn't because she missed you and it wasn't because she loved you or even cares for you. She's passed that. She did it to pick a fight with you. And you gave her exactly what she wanted.

 

 

Now, you might ask yourself why she wanted to fight with you? Because, she was feeling guilty. She left you to screw this other dude and you kept on asking about it and she had to keep on lying to you so she didn't paint her in a bad light. So, the guilt was getting to her and she need to ease that guilt. She wanted to pick a fight with you to ease her mind that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. So, she decided to tell you what REALLY happened. She knew you were going to get angry and upset. Who wouldn't?!?! But, it was enough to start an argument with you and forgive herself for what she did. She told herself, " Wow! If Lingo is going to act this way, I'm glad I did what I did. I'm glad I got rid of his ass. I guess the break up was for the best after all!" By fighting with her, you just gave her permission to forgive herself. I mean, answer me this. She didn't apologize for her actions at all, did she? You just wrote that she told you to forget about her and move on. Her contacting you was selfishly motivated. It wasn't for your benefit at all.

 

 

Had you stayed in NC, you give her NOTHING! She doesn't know if your angry with her, she doesn't know if your sad or happy. She doesn't know if you hate her or if you're indifferent towards her. SHE KNOWS NOTHING! Your silence would have spoken volumes to her and driven her nuts. Because, then she has no choice but to hold on to her guilt. And we dumpee's want that to happen. Not to torture them, but for them to learn something from their guilt. That you can't go around treating people like she has an expect them to be okay with it.

 

 

So, go back to NC and make those changes I talked about. And rule of thumb! If she contacts you again (which I doubt because you gave her what she wanted) I want you to stop, take a deep breath and post about it here. DO NOT RESPOND TO HER! Post here about it first. People will be here to tell you what's REALLY going on with her.

Edited August 18, 2014 by Chi townD

[Lingo1]

Why you thanking me? I told you to go NC and stay there. Now, you're posting that you've been talking to her? Dude! What was the point of all of that? So, how did it make you feel to discover that she screwed this other dude? How does it feel knowing you were right about them?

 

 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the big picture! Do you know why she contacted you? Why she was contacting you for two days? It wasn't because she missed you and it wasn't because she loved you or even cares for you. She's passed that. She did it to pick a fight with you. And you gave her exactly what she wanted.

 

 

Now, you might ask yourself why she wanted to fight with you? Because, she was feeling guilty. She left you to screw this other dude and you kept on asking about it and she had to keep on lying to you so she didn't paint her in a bad light. So, the guilt was getting to her and she need to ease that guilt. She wanted to pick a fight with you to ease her mind that breaking up with you was the right thing to do. So, she decided to tell you what REALLY happened. She knew you were going to get angry and upset. Who wouldn't?!?! But, it was enough to start an argument with you and forgive herself for what she did. She told herself, " Wow! If Lingo is going to act this way, I'm glad I did what I did. I'm glad I got rid of his ass. I guess the break up was for the best after all!" By fighting with her, you just gave her permission to forgive herself. I mean, answer me this. She didn't apologize for her actions at all, did she? You just wrote that she told you to forget about her and move on. Her contacting you was selfishly motivated. It wasn't for your benefit at all.

 

 

Had you stayed in NC, you give her NOTHING! She doesn't know if your angry with her, she doesn't know if your sad or happy. She doesn't know if you hate her or if you're indifferent towards her. SHE KNOWS NOTHING! Your silence would have spoken volumes to her and driven her nuts. Because, then she has no choice but to hold on to her guilt. And we dumpee's want that to happen. Not to torture them, but for them to learn something from their guilt. That you can't go around treating people like she has an expect them to be okay with it.

 

 

So, go back to NC and make those changes I talked about. And rule of thumb! If she contacts you again (which I doubt because you gave her what she wanted) I want you to stop, take a deep breath and post about it here. DO NOT RESPOND TO HER! Post here about it first. People will be here to tell you what's REALLY going on with her.

 

Alright i will next time ,but i didnt even show i was upset or angry she said i guess we will speak another time and i am sorry i am so sorry she cried and crap but i didnt even bother to show my feelings and i acted as if everything was normal . I know i messed up with by responding to her NC next i will come here first and she will contact i know for fact they will break apart they both just got out of a relationship lol ( which i found funny) she told me the guy a football player and crap i even asked her i am like i dont care about him or his i am just happy for u i dont know the guy so keep it that way, then she contact me yesterday saying maybe we should just forget about each other and etc i said u sure this is what u want to she said yes . In my head i said " HoneyMoon Phase Got To Love It" I said ok and she said i hope faith brings out back together in the future and etc etc i said ok then i said i g2g jump but i am happy for dont feel like i hate u i am just happy and that was that

[Chi townD]

Alright i will next time ,but i didnt even show i was upset or angry she said i guess we will speak another time and i am sorry i am so sorry she cried and crap but i didnt even bother to show my feelings and i acted as if everything was normal . I know i messed up with by responding to her NC next i will come here first and she will contact i know for fact they will break apart they both just got out of a relationship lol ( which i found funny) she told me the guy a football player and crap i even asked her i am like i dont care about him or his i am just happy for u i dont know the guy so keep it that way, then she contact me yesterday saying maybe we should just forget about each other and etc i said u sure this is what u want to she said yes . In my head i said " HoneyMoon Phase Got To Love It" I said ok and she said i hope faith brings out back together in the future and etc etc i said ok then i said i g2g jump but i am happy for dont feel like i hate u i am just happy and that was that

 

 

Yeah, don't do that.

 

 

Hey, it's great that you can put her in the past without any hate or animosity. But, you don't need to ease her guilt for her. She can keep that.

[Lingo1]

Yeah, don't do that.

 

 

Hey, it's great that you can put her in the past without any hate or animosity. But, you don't need to ease her guilt for her. She can keep that.

 

Alright :)Thanks for everything and the help i will be post here if i feel the urge to text her (although i really am past that lol) but just incase i do i will post here i have a friend that i like we both are close ,and its funny because we both got dumped again same time, same situation both of our ex's did the same thing i was thinking about u know "Speaking to her" but taking it slow but she has already told me she doesnt like me (not in a mean way) ,but i told her that i liked her. me and her are really really really close like we would talk about our problems , be on the phone mostly every night until 2-3 am falling asleep on the phone and stuff ,but i dont want to pressure her into something when we both really need to heal from our current situation and feelings are still their for our ex's so i think i will just ask her one day... one day... lol as they say " Your future could be right infront your face and u never seen it " :lmao:

[Chi townD]

Alright :)Thanks for everything and the help i will be post here if i feel the urge to text her (although i really am past that lol) but just incase i do i will post here i have a friend that i like we both are close ,and its funny because we both got dumped again same time, same situation both of our ex's did the same thing i was thinking about u know "Speaking to her" but taking it slow but she has already told me she doesnt like me (not in a mean way) ,but i told her that i liked her. me and her are really really really close like we would talk about our problems , be on the phone mostly every night until 2-3 am falling asleep on the phone and stuff ,but i dont want to pressure her into something when we both really need to heal from our current situation and feelings are still their for our ex's so i think i will just ask her one day... one day... lol as they say " Your future could be right infront your face and u never seen it " :lmao:

 

 

I think it's very wise that the two of you both realize that you need to heal from your relationships. Very smart move. But there's nothing stopping you from going out on the town together just to have a good time if you both realize that it's only for a good time. No pressure and no expectations and you two go your separate ways at the end of the night.

 

 

Might be a fun way to blow off some stress and frustrations the two of you have been having in your lives.

[Lingo1]

I think it's very wise that the two of you both realize that you need to heal from your relationships. Very smart move. But there's nothing stopping you from going out on the town together just to have a good time if you both realize that it's only for a good time. No pressure and no expectations and you two go your separate ways at the end of the night.

 

 

Might be a fun way to blow off some stress and frustrations the two of you have been having in your lives.

 

Ya we go out sometimes just for fun we have fun just like what u said no expectations or anything i really have fun with her funniest part about this is that my friend goes to my ex school and their friends but my ex cut her off because she though me and her had something going on ( which we didnt because i knew her before my ex knew her since highschool days) so it would be funny if me and her ever hooked up and my ex found out lol