Jealousy and Insecurity ruined things. Now Im being "Needy"

[BronsonBarney]

This might be a long story story so bare with me...

 

I'm a 22/m from Canada living in Brisbane studying. In May I met the most amazing girl ever 22/f from Adelaide. We started dating and at first it was just meant to be a bit of fun but we ended up getting attached to each other. She made me so happy and being around her felt like walking on clouds. After 2 months she had to go back home for 2 weeks because she was going backpacking around Europe for 4 months with her two sex driven friends. After she left I was heartbroken. My friends told me to move on, she's gone. We kept in contact and we were constantly messaging each other. She finally left for Europe and I sent her a long message saying "You're amazing, most beautiful girl Ive ever met, we'll meet again one day etc." I thought communication would slow down there but it didn't.

 

Once she arrived in Europe we kept messaging saying things like "I miss you" and "Thinking about you" and whenever we were horny it'd get dirty ad when she got drunk she'd really open up. I was trying to move on and date other people when she told me a story about her being drunk and on speed at a festival and she was calling for me from her tent for an hour and when her friends told her I wasn't coming, she started crying. This story actually broke my heart and drew me right back to her. My brother and friends still kept telling me, move on, its over.

 

A few days later I get a message saying she's hungover and when I asked if you had fun, she responded,"I don't know how honest I should be with you". Turns out that no guys at the bar compared to me so she ended up going home with a girl. At first I was confused but I told her Im not mad but whatever happens in Europe is out of my control. She thought I'd find it funny, but truth is I wasn't ready to hear about her sexually with other people. If she told me this when we were together I probably wouldve laughed and asked for a threesome. I began to doubt her and my insecurities came out. I said more experimenting was gonna happen. She told me "I don't like one night stands or experimenting but that this was a bit of fun and I don't regret it. It was an exception don't doubt my feeling for you".

 

She obviously felt guilty so an hour later we skyped and I spilled my heart saying I still had feelings for her and I was having trouble enjoying myself. I wanted her. She kept changing the subject or said "I don't know what to say. I'll message you later". I got no sleep, was confused, hurt, and lonely. I caved and after my brother told me not to I sent her a message the next day saying "Im finally realizing we're not together anymore, I am hurt by you hooking up with someone, keep enjoying yourself in europe etc". She responded with "Im sorry, I don't know what to say, I suppose what we had was amazing, Im here your there, we can still keep in contact if you want I know its hard to move on". I should've ended it there but I responded with "Its not that I'm hurt I want to be the one pleasing you when you're lonely, we can still Skype and talk, dont be sorry". She ended up getting drunk and responding "I think your imagination is running a bit wild, yes I went home with her but I wouldn't call it sex" then she complimented me on my sex almost like patronizing me.

 

We conversed and I made a few sexual jokes but she definitely didn't find them funny and it ended on a sour note. I initiated conversation and I noticed she wasn't affectionate at all, didn't seem interested, and was very one sided. I decided to end it and stop communicating. Sure enough when she gets sad she messages me and then got drunk and says "Im upset your not awake right now". We talked last week and I noticed it was still one sided and I asked if she wanted to Skype and she assumed something was wrong. I felt awful all week thinking I could've handled everything better so I ended up apologizing and she said "don't worry. Please just don't worry". We conversed for a bit after but still bland.

 

I realize now that yes I should've handled everything better. It wasn't that big of a deal her hooking up with someone but I got impatient, confused, jealous, and possessive. My biggest mistake was talking to her after essentially breaking up with her and now I feel I look needy and unattractive and its pushing her away even farther. Im clearly having feelings still for someone who has moved on. I just wanted it all to end on a good note and I wanted her to remember me as the confident, charming, open, down to earth guy from Brisbane but now I feel I've ruined that. I'd still like to keep in contact with her and if Im ever in Adelaide or she is in Canada I'd like to see her. The past 2 weeks Ive been in absolute misery and feel regret constantly. There was this gorgeous girl still wanting me and I doubted her and ended things without thinking. And now I've essentially given her the green light to do whatever, which deep down, I want her to experience Europe and travel. My friends have been honest with me and said its like Im obsessing over this which doesn't make me feel to good.

 

I guess my question is, have I ****ed everything up? Is there anyway to recover from looking "Needy"?