stormer59 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 My ex and I broke up two days ago after 8 years and I have to say all I want is a breadcrumb. I told her not to contact me unless she has plans for making this work. I have been sticking to the no contact rule but seriously the only thing I can think about is her. I just want a text message, an email, a phone call...something. Hardest thing I've ever had to do is resist the urge to contact her in someway.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I totally understand however my approach would be different. I would not mind a breadcrumb either and for the same reasons as you but, I actually would respond to it. My reasoning is, not responding sends a message that you are still butt-hurt. Responding but with true indifference makes for a much better story - a complete reversal/turn of the tables. She sends the message to ease her guilt only to find you so over her it's laughable. My response would be something like this: Hi! Its been a long time and it is good to hear from you. We had some great times together and I will always cherish my past with you. Take care of yourself and thanks for thinking about me. I would not go into any detail about my life after she removed me from hers. I don't agree with this approach because all you are doing is projecting a front that isn't true because you overly concerned with how the other person perceives you. You're still putting their perception of your recovery ahead of your actual recovery. The fact that you care if you look "butthurt" or not shows that you probably shouldn't be playing with fire at this point. JMO. 2
elseaacych Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 My ex and I broke up two days ago after 8 years and I have to say all I want is a breadcrumb. I told her not to contact me unless she has plans for making this work. I have been sticking to the no contact rule but seriously the only thing I can think about is her. I just want a text message, an email, a phone call...something. Hardest thing I've ever had to do is resist the urge to contact her in someway. I am sorry for your loss. It will get better, just focus on other things. It's a lie you're telling yourself that you want to hear from her. 99.99999999999999 percent of breadcrumbs are bull-crap. Pointless. NO BREADCRUMBS FOR YOU.
OnTheRightPath Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 the thing is I 100% advocate full NC and I would never respond to a breadcrumb anyway.... and out of all the exes I have been with I dont want to hear from most of them, I would resent getting a breadcrumb from most of them.... but just this one girl.... we did everything together and I have not heard one single word from her since the day she dumped me almost two years ago! I WAS CERTAIN on the day she dumped me that I would get a breadcrumb, I was certain.... and then nothing. even though I would never respond to it just getting one would be validation that I meant something to her! I want that! and even if it was just meant to relieve her guilt I dont care COS AT LEAST GUILT IS A GENUINE HUMAN EMOTION.... cos right now the way she has not once contacted me in two years.... I just dont understand how I can go from meaning the world to her to her not speaking to me once in two years! even if I got a breadcrumb and it was clear she was just feeling guilty I would be happy... because guilt is better than this complete and utter total indifference it looks like she feels now. hell, I would rather she HATED me than be completely indifferent to me! You said yourself that you asked her to never contact you again. Did it every occur to you that she may be honoring your wishes? Maybe she respected you enough to do what you asked of her and not contact you. I guess I don't understand why you would expect her to contact you when you asked her not to. That would be selfish on her part. I broke up with a man that I did love with all my heart. There were things that happened in our relationship that broke my heart. I knew I would never get over it or trust him again so I ended it. He asked me to never contact him again and I complied. That was two years ago!! Have I wanted to reach out to him at times??? The answer is YES......but I did not because nothing has changed and he asked me not to. I had enough respect for what we shared at one time and the good memories and love we had. I still know I would never trust him again and the relationship is over. I wouldn't want to play games with him or confuse him or hurt him by reaching out to him. What would be the point? He is now part of the past and that is where he will stay. Sometimes people surprise you and do exactly what you asked of them. I don't necessarily think that means they don't think of you......especially if you had a meaningful relationship at one point. That's just my two cents for what it's worth.
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