Mysterio Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 For those of you that have been on both sides. What are the differences for you in your life? For me. Being single. I feel like I can do anything I want and I don't have to answer to anyone and I have ultimate freedom. When I was coupled for about 5 months. It could be just the girl. I had to see her all the time and when I did. After awhile. It felt like a chore. Mostly due to my ex's low affection to me. I am a person who always needs affection. I fee like that is the main drive for me to find love. Take it away from my natural desire. I would be fine with being single for life. Who ever I get involved with. More than anything. We have to be able to maintain a physical affection between us. No going days/weeks months/years without it.
D.Mc. Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Hi Mysterio, When you're single...everyone else is coupled. When you're coupled...everyone else is single. Really, there are benefits to both states at times, but being coupled, well: you wouldn't be on this forum if you were truly happy being single? Having a good R/S is way better than no R/S & wanting one all the time...(not to mention the sex) 4
somedude81 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 When I had a girlfriend, everything felt like a dream. Life was great. It was the happiest time in my entire life. Six months of pure joy. In the almost nine months it's been since she dumped me.... Well I'll just say that every night I go to bed I pray that I don't wake up the next morning. 1
Author Mysterio Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 hey DMC Thanks for the reply. Funny. I do spend time with women. Just not in a romantic context. I just don't think I can go on, just being buddies all the time. I am always thinking about women in a romantic context for the most part. Except when I am with certain women friends. I may have to bite the bullet and tell my friend JC that I am interested in her in a romantic way. I say to myself. If JC was my GF. Would I hang out with another women without all the romantic trappings. If I met a new woman that was into me romantically. Would nix a night with my GF to hang out with JC in a non romantic outing. By romantic. I mean no Physical Affection.
Supernatural Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 When you're single...everyone else is coupled. When you're coupled...everyone else is single. That statement is so true, you would think it's a Ghandi quote. This is a good question. Both have positive and negatives. Coupled Positive: You get to always have someone there for you. Talk about your day, share your dreams with, go for dinners, movies, walks, hikes. Enjoy time with in many ways. Build something together. Can be inspirational. Frequent sex. Experience more of life. Negative: Not enough space, takes energy, have to think of whats best for her too, have to spend much more money, more problems, a little drama here and there, may feel trapped, could feel they are not right for you or you can do better, girlfriend gets needy, not the deepest of sleeps. Single Positive:Can do ANYTHING you want. Career/work focused, save money - don't go out nearly as often, more me time to focus on self love and reflect on what I truly want in life, see which areas I need to improve on as a person, don't have to worry about anyone but me. Can have sex with different women, whenever, options of women to possibly date are endless. Get to sleep alone in my bed and get a great nights rest! Watch porn all the time. Negative:See other couples EVERYWHERE, can feel very lonely at times - especially on bad days, feels like I will never meet someone at times, hopeless at times, Feels like life may not fall together the way I want it to, lower confidence at times, depression can creep in much more often. The biggest thing I have realized being single: The only person who truly gives a **** about me... Is me. To everyone else I'm just a character in their story book. So looking for someone to date is fun - maybe - and exciting to think of meeting her. But by no means should a relationship define who you are. They are merely just a medium sized part of your life. Mine anyways. Note: I have been single for the brunt of my adult life. Since 18 years old... I haven't been in 1 serious relationship. I'm 25 now. My longest relationship was when I was 17 for a year and a quarter. I have been in 3 short term relationships. all 2-3 months. 1 who was too young and immature. And 2 with older women, which age was a factor for both of them (they got to attached and needed security, wanted kids, etc, and all that - sad - otherwise if one of them was my age or me hers, I would have married the heck out of her.) 3
TigerLilly78 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 When I had a girlfriend, everything felt like a dream. Life was great. It was the happiest time in my entire life. Six months of pure joy. In the almost nine months it's been since she dumped me.... Well I'll just say that every night I go to bed I pray that I don't wake up the next morning. Sorry this might be off topic but you really need to learn how to be happy with just yourself..I know its kinda sad to be single for some but this is a unhealthy way to think.. 3
54JA Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Good thing about being single was that, I was really forced to confront many of my issues and learn to be happy with myself because of the fewer instances of external validation. Now that I have been in a relationship for almost 10 years, I feel a lot of the thinking I have done when I was single really helped me be in a happy relationship. Even though I'm in a relationship, I do not feel like I lost my freedom. My boyfriend is very good at encouraging me to do the things I want and is very understanding when I need time to focus on school and work. He has been very supportive with my pursuit of my professional certificate and graduate work. It's great having someone to share in my struggle as well as my achievements. I love teasing him and being teased by him. We laugh a lot. I really enjoy his company. Having known him, I feel being with him is so much better than being without him. 3
morrowrd Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Life is a buffet, and you are the one in charge of putting things in it that make it a life worth living. Your job, relationships, hobbies, where you live, the list is endless. For myself, I love having female affection in my life...like you have mentioned. And for me it is "up there" on my priority list. That doesn't make it high on other's priority lists, but when I think about my life, and all the things I have in it, that particular piece I will admit has a very important role. My girlfriend isn't perfect, but neither am I. However, she is trustworthy, and gives me plenty of affection and because of that, I feel I have everything I could possibly want or need, right at home. Sure I liked being single and the benefits of that. However, if I was single, I wouldn't have the long list of benefits I enjoy by having this lovely lady in my life. My quality of life is where it is because she's in it. 3
Titania22 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 For me, I much prefer being single. I have much more freedom, to make decisions in my life, from the little things like what and when to eat, to the big things, like whether and where to go on a holiday, or what to do with my life. Personally I find relationships quite exhausting, and I am more prone to comfort eating and weight gain. I have tended to lose myself in relationships, so exercise and pursuing personal interests would take a back seat. I have been single ~6yrs now and I have never been happier. 6
WonderKid Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 It's days I love being single because honestly you get to do whatever the hell you want! Just two days ago I left downtown, talked with some folks--even some girls, didn't come home til like 5am. Plopped on my bed and slept spread out like a starfish. You save money. You don't worry about messing up. I would say for right now the benefits of having a GF outweighs the other. There's so many festivals and events going on downtown. I haven't went to one because like 90% of the folks there were coupled. It would be nice to do those things with someone. Have someone to talk and good around with. But I have been single a very long time now. I wake up to myself and come home to no one. Sometimes I wish I had that nonchalant mentality when I was a teen. In HS. I never cared about dating I just didn't give a damn. Now, I wish to have someone. 1
54JA Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Being with my current boyfriend: Awesome! Being with my ex boyfriend: ****ty as hell (in this case, I prefer being single) It all depends on the partner. 3
Woggle Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Being married to my wife is great but if I never met her I would probably pick single over most options. I want no part of many marriages and relationships I see. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I would say being single offers much more variety and opportunity in your life to experience something new, grow and learn rather than being in a relationship, because a relationship is just the same cycle or process repeated over and over, the same personal issues and problems, with shifts and changes every so many years slowing down into this mostly settled or unsettled existence, it become it's own living thing and world, and people tend to lose sight of the what the world is outside of that as time goes on...you lose that perspective, you forget what it's like to just be you. But to be happy single, you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone...because the truth is, a lot of people don't feel comfortable or complete without a partner and therefore don't do a lot of things because they don't want to do them "alone", or not even know how to go about it...you're forced to be independent and self-sufficient, as a whole person...which many people like to measure based on your ability to work and pay bills even though the two pretty much go hand in hand and everybody has to do it one way or another, and it's only one piece of the pie of being independent. And a lot of people are affected so much by "society" and what family wants/thinks, they almost feel obligated to do certain things just to fit the mold. When you're not in a relationship everything is determined by you, you have complete control over your life and an unchecked freedom, but many cannot handle that responsibility, and if you're someone who can't use that to your advantage but instead loathe over it, of course it'll feel more like a prison than freedom because all you allow yourself to think about is how much better your life will/would be in a relationship, when relationships are their own struggle...just because of the fact that's when you allow yourself to accept that you can/are happy. Because I can tell you that being in a relationship is not the only way to be happy and have your needs met. But that's your fault more than anything else, that's your own restriction being imposed upon yourself, the only vision you may have for being happy...and if you are single, that means when you fail yourself you've got no one else to blame, and because people fail themselves often, they want a partner which can help fulfill the needs they can't fulfill for themselves, someone to "share the load" or even the responsibility, to fulfill that specific need alone like they're a crutch and they eventually become this person they "can't do without" even though they're no good at providing it for them, even making it worse....nevertheless, thereby hold that person responsible for their own personal short-comings and unhappiness and hold that person responsible when they do not meet their expectation/hope...they want someone there to carry half of their issues and problems so they don't have to blame themselves. That's why some people are so depressed being alone, it gives them no other option but to take responsibility for themselves, they actually have to spend time thinking of their own issues (which they cannot do anything about or feel they cannot - alone)...and that's something most people do not want to do, and have the hardest time accepting and being accountable for. But these are all painted with a different color brush...it's painted as being "normal" to need someone like that, painted as "love" and comfort, that they need someone to talk to about their day with, that they need some form of companionship and someone who is there for them through thick and thin...in essence, it's a cover of all the things they have issues with within themselves, but it's this easy and convincing way of masking the reality of why they really truly desire a partner because all of those things uttered from millions of lips around the world of the benefits all seem so convincing, but who's really judging that?...it's like when you make all these excuses of why doing something is a "great" idea, even though all those things aren't more important as the one thing you truly want and are doing them for, your own personal reasons/needs...and nobody cares how irrational or unjustifiable those things are, they wouldn't want to ever admit that to anyone especially themselves. Think of why people really HATE being single...the truth is a lot of the time, they don't like being single because they're unhappy with themselves, and have no idea how to fill those "needs"; insert comes random relationship with a person you shouldn't even be with but you say makes you feel completely happy or happier because you only recognize the positives or things you want to see. It makes you wonder if relationships are really more about love or dependency...or better yet, a dependency to receive "love", whatever you interpret "love" to be of course. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) To me relationships have always felt like a prison. I felt like the energy was sucked away from me and I was always feeling tired and had health problems. I was forced to talk and see the same person and would ran out of things to talk about because I have already told him everything about me there is to tell. So I would often feel bored and everything would be repetative. I often felt like these men wanted more out of me than I could give, like wanted to take away the last shred of my privacy and identity. I often picked fights because I was so damn bored. The only thing I don't like about being single is lack of regular sex. Everything else is better. I went through a brief casual sex phase but casual sex now feels empty and gross so I don't do it. I have always had strong support system through family and friends so I don't have that desire to talk to someone about everything because I already do. My emotional needs are met when I am single. If I didn't have that support system in place I would probably be more motivated to get into a relationship. For the last few months I feel like I should push myself to meet someone because it's been a while. But my internal response is "ughhhh noooo I really don't want to ". I just wish others would accept that this is who I am. Edited August 24, 2014 by Eternal Sunshine 3
Shepp Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I'm much happier in a relationship... Single was fine but it was just about me, there wasn't as much purpose.. If I couldn't be bothered to cook I didn't, if I changed my mind about something I just changed it. I'm more of a team player than that - reason scholes was potentially one of the best midfielders in the world? He made all the players around him shine! I like looking at life from a team point of view, we make our plans together, we steer round obsticals together. I come home every day to a family, sometimes you don't always wanna do a lot to have company, I just like chilling on the sofa watching match of the day while she reads her book. Life's pretty sweet! To everyone else I'm just a character in their story book. True, but in a way how cools that - wherever a story goes the characters have left there mark.. You never know just how many stories you influence! 3
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 For those of you that have been on both sides. What are the differences for you in your life? For me. Being single. I feel like I can do anything I want and I don't have to answer to anyone and I have ultimate freedom. When I was coupled for about 5 months. It could be just the girl. I had to see her all the time and when I did. After awhile. It felt like a chore. Mostly due to my ex's low affection to me. I am a person who always needs affection. I fee like that is the main drive for me to find love. Take it away from my natural desire. I would be fine with being single for life. Who ever I get involved with. More than anything. We have to be able to maintain a physical affection between us. No going days/weeks months/years without it. Why. Do you. Not know. How to. Use. A period. Versus a. Comma.? 4
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 In a good relationship, I always felt like I had a built in playmate. For me at some point the relationship transitioned from we had to make plans for the weekend to we had to tell each other that we didn't have weekend plans with each other. That's when it became "real." That's also when the mundane stuff came in: Hey, you wanna go food shopping with me? or getting off the couch from snuggling to go throw in a load of laundry. 1
newmoon Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 i have come to the conclusion i would rather be single. for me, there is no upside to being in a couple, except the intimacy part, and i don't care about that as much as i care about my sanity. i look at couples fighting, cheating, yelling, etc. with each other and their kids... yeah... no benefit. 1
Author Mysterio Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 For me I am always on the run. It's not much that I stay home. I am always out. I go out without my close friends. I guess I wish that I had more access to that romantic affection. It's also not like I am going to die without a SO. I think balance is the key. My future SO is not getting a guy that wants to be 24/7 with her. If she wants us together all the time. She is going to have to be in romance mode for the most part, and we are more in giddy mode.
WonderKid Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 A lot of people fear dying alone. I do not. If I died without a SO or kids, it wouldn't make a difference honestly.
BluEyeL Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) I was in a couple for 20 years. I liked it because of the closeness and intimacy. It is something hard to explain in words, it was sort of like love was given and received and that energy I was feeling. If it is harmonious, being in a relationship is pretty blissful. Of course you have to deal with another person, but you do if you love. It's in a way the same as having kids. Of course it is hard and it's not just roses, but the feeing overall is awesome. I'm having a great time raising my son! Being single also has the advantages that were mentioned. More freedom. You don't have to care about anyone else. You can do more things and you don't have to compromise. In the end though, it becomes empty. Like being on vacation for too long. Being on vacation IS great, but I always in the end crave going back home and getting to work. I do like caring about someone else. I'm not afraid of dying alone, I much prefer not living alone though. I'm happy alone, and I think I will not be "happier" coupled, but I'd just prefer that. Not necessarily for what it gives me directly, but because of what I can give, and the feeling I receive in turn. Edited August 24, 2014 by BluEyeL
Lipitor11 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Single: Freedom, Don't have to worry about the needs and wants, Don't have to keep your partner happy 24/7.
Supernatural Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 The difference between single and coupled: "Some people pick partners so they don't have to figure out who they really are." I know women more than men, are always going relationship to relationship, never being single. I couldn't consider a girl who was coupled for the majority of her 20's. I feel like at a point something would snap in her. Twenties is a bad time to be coupled. Most people are always seeing someone. So they place a lot of energy on the other person, and not building their own truly desired life. And if they continue to do this and not really discover, it's like they bottle something up, and eventually that bottle breaks... Along with everything else. I think the word mid-life crisis is attributed to a person who is seemingly together, but internally they are desperate to find their true self again. Divorce is getting popular for this reason. You have all these people who THINK they should be in relationships... because that's what we're supposed to do. But these coupled people know so much about each other, yet quite little about themselves. I mean, one huge part of being in a relationship is to compromise for your partner. We all see SO many couples together on a daily basis that are NOT right for each other at all... Yet... They continue it. It's all Bullsh*t. It's all so they can hide and feel comfortable. Something to do. Just to say "oh my boyfriend and I did this... My girlfriend and I did that". Yet, mentally they have already put an expiration date on it or are not even fully invested. Relationships and friendships can be really really fake. And most of the time it's just someone to be with because when they are alone they feel like they are going to commit suicide. 3
Smilecharmer Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I didn't lose myself or my freedom when I married. Sounds dysfunctional. I just gained a partner in life who wants similar things and loves me to bits. I much prefer coupledom because I found the right man for me. I still go places and have friends and feel supported in my friendships and goals. I built a little family with my lover and best friend. I'm blessed and happily a part of a couple. He is an amazing man. 3
Weezy1973 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 To me relationships have always felt like a prison. I felt like the energy was sucked away from me and I was always feeling tired and had health problems. I was forced to talk and see the same person and would ran out of things to talk about because I have already told him everything about me there is to tell. So I would often feel bored and everything would be repetative. I often felt like these men wanted more out of me than I could give, like wanted to take away the last shred of my privacy and identity. I often picked fights because I was so damn bored. The only thing I don't like about being single is lack of regular sex. Everything else is better. I went through a brief casual sex phase but casual sex now feels empty and gross so I don't do it. I have always had strong support system through family and friends so I don't have that desire to talk to someone about everything because I already do. My emotional needs are met when I am single. If I didn't have that support system in place I would probably be more motivated to get into a relationship. For the last few months I feel like I should push myself to meet someone because it's been a while. But my internal response is "ughhhh noooo I really don't want to ". I just wish others would accept that this is who I am. It's always struck me as odd that people that profess to love being single post on a message board dedicated to love and relationships. Somewhere there's a disconnect... 1
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