voituregirl Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I am so sad and I hope that you can give me some advice what to do. Last summer I was visiting my cousin in a town three hours away by plane, and I met a wonderful guy same age there (24), a really good friend of my cousin that I just never met before. We talked with each other about all kinds of things that whole weekend, but nothing more happened. He was then in a relationship with another girl since four years back, but it seems it wasn’t going that well and he broke up with her a couple of weeks later. When I came home from my weekend trip this guy started writing emails to me, and after a couple of months we wrote to each other on an almost daily basis. He came to visit me one day with some friends and after that we started chatting on ICQ almost every day. He visited me twice before I visited him the first time, and after being together for two months we had sex (before that, I was a virgin). He said that he loved me and that he had never met someone before that he could talk about everything with. I visited him twice more, also over New Year’s Eve, and I met all of his close friends even though his parents never got to know about me. We had been together for six months when suddenly he told me on the phone that he was unsure of his feelings for me and about our relationship. Even though I had been worried about this for a couple of weeks since he hadn’t been so attentive as before, I was devastated and cried so much I couldn’t go to school for a couple of days. He seemed worried too and wanted to talk to me more often than before, and he said he wished he hadn’t said anything, so that I hadn’t been away from school because of that. Two weeks later he came to visit me for the weekend, and we had a great time. He hugged me a lot and kissed me, and we even had sex once. He said that he had a wonderful time and he cried because he had made me so sad. However, he couldn’t make up his mind so I broke up with him. I felt so humiliated! I didn’t talk to him that much for a few days, and then he told me that he had realized that he loves me but that long distance relationships never work (his friends told him so), that he got together with me too soon after his former break-up and that he really shouldn’t be in a relationship right now, that he needs to be alone. He has had a lot of things to do, having a full-time job and studying (same subject as me) at the same time. Until one year ago, he lived with his parents, so he has never really been living as a single. Strange as it may seem, he told me that he wanted to try again the day after telling me about his feelings. I said that we could but that he hadn’t really convinced me that he now knows what he wants. On Valentine’s Day, which was one day later, he sent me the sweetest message and kisses to my cell-phone. However, four days later he said that I don’t need to wait for him, because he doesn’t want this relationship. He said that he doesn’t love me enough to make this relationship work. Now I have had No Contact with him for a week. I thought that could make him realize what it means to lose me. I wonder – will he ever come back to me? I will be able to move to his town when I am done with school in August this year. Thank you so much for reading!
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by voituregirl I wonder – will he ever come back to me? You are the same person he fall in love with, and you are also the same person he fell out of love with. Unless you both completely change who you are for each other and start over with an entirely new and different relationship, there's very little chance he's going to go back to a relationship with someone he fell out of love with. No matter what he said or did in the past, you will need to realize that it is in the past and has no bearing whatsoever on what he is currently telling you: He said that he doesn’t love me enough to make this relationship work. Keep up the NC and try to think in terms of putting your heart back together instead of putting the relationship back together. Once you get yourself back together, you'll be better prepared for what lies ahead: whether he comes back or not.
Author voituregirl Posted April 29, 2005 Author Posted April 29, 2005 Hi! I want to tell all broken-hearted out there that NC really works. Even though I still love this guy that lives three hours away from me, I have got my heart and my life back together and am enjoying school. I have even been on dates with a nice guy who lives close-by, and he is much more into me than I think my ex was. I feel that this new guy is reality, where my ex was more like a dream. However, I have decided to move to my ex's hometown next fall. I have got a job there that seems really interesting. Maybe I hope that we will be together again, but I prefer forgetting him totally before that if I can. This new guy is awesome and wants to move with me, but nothing is decided yet. I feel worried about this, but I can't really explain why. Anyhow, I haven't been talking to my ex for almost two months now and am feeling more free and strong because of that!
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