StillHurtin Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I knew H had written the xOW many love poems b/c the OW's H gave me copies of them. I was going through my computer last night deleting things and I came across four poems to the OW. He wrote them a month b4 he said he wanted a D. I have never seen them b4, guess I didn't snoop hard enough. So, the A was going on a lot longer than I had thought. All this time I had no clue he had these feelings for her and acted like nothing was happening between them. It breaks my heart to read them even after all this time. I am going to delete them. Makes me sick to my stomach reading them.
sylviaguardian Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Ouch! That hurts. Even when we know what has gone on, the evidence is still pretty sickening. Have you spoken to your husband about this? I think you need to bring up the fact that the affair was going on longer than you thought it was. Why were you still snooping for stuff? Do you still feel like you don't know the full story? Sorry for your pain, Syl
kimizmat Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I know how painful it is finding things that remind you of their behavior. Just know this: you deserve to know how long it's been going on. If you still have that little knot in your stomach that something's not right or that you haven't been told the whole truth, go with it. I've recently discovered (unfortunately too late) that our instincts are almost always right on. Just thought I'd put in my two cents.
quankanne Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I'd print out copies of the poety, then take a red-ink pen and go to town (think Vindictive English Teacher). There's nothing worse than knowing someone who edited your "masterpiece" thought it was horrendous ... once done, you have the option of burning the damned things or handing them to him with a smile. My suggestion is go with the first: you'd be amazed at how much venom you can release by putting it to paper -- or in this case, "grading" his attempts at poetry -- then destroying it. For some reason, I've found it a lot easier to keep things in perspective when dealing with the situation at hand ... have you guys had a chance to seriously work on your communication? is this something you'd be able to bring up, finding the poetry and how it made you feel inside to discover it?
Author StillHurtin Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by sylviaguardian Ouch! That hurts. Even when we know what has gone on, the evidence is still pretty sickening. Have you spoken to your husband about this? I think you need to bring up the fact that the affair was going on longer than you thought it was. Why were you still snooping for stuff? Do you still feel like you don't know the full story? Sorry for your pain, Syl Thank you for the replies. Yes, I have spoke to H about this. He has told me that things weren't not going on between them much sooner than that. I asked him if he had something w/ her when we went on vacation to CA for Christmas the three months b4 he said he wanted out of the M. He said nothing was going on at the time. I am trying so hard to believe him. I just want the truth, whether it hurts or not. I would rather have the truth than being lied to and I have told him that. I know he has told me the OW was the first one to tell him she was attracted to him and she kissed him, that was shortly b4 he said he wanted out of the M. H and I were having a rough time. I made him quit drinking b/c it was causing problems, I made him see our physician for his anger problems. He did both (he has been sober over 2 years). Sometimes I think that he resented me for making him change and demanding those things and so when the OW showed interest he went for it. I guess he thought she wouldn't expect things out of him as I do. Such as being a good H, a father, helping around the house, being at home more, not being a drunk, ect. One of his letters to her said that he was getting out of a relationship where I wanted to change him to my liking, and not his and he didn't want to do that to her (she smokes and he hates that and wanted her to quit but she refused and they got into an arguement). I wasn't really snooping for anything, I was going through and deleting things in my Words program that I no longer needed and I came across the poems. Sometimes, I don't feel I have the whole story, but my counselor told me not to bring her up or the A anymore. Sometimes I may ask him things and he is willing to answer but at times he seems annoyed I wont let it go b/c it's been 2 years almost. I'd print out copies of the poety, then take a red-ink pen and go to town (think Vindictive English Teacher). There's nothing worse than knowing someone who edited your "masterpiece" thought it was horrendous ... LMBO! I have done this already! And when he seen it he laughed. I told him I had found them. He told me I was pretty good writing poems, lol. He didn't care I messed up his work.
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