KaliLove Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 haha! They actually say, "Blackhawks." But they should probably say, "too confused and undecided to deal with." Maybe "sometimes a bitch, sometimes a mouse. ya never know." What would yours say? Actually, part of your name, Kali, might apply to me on hot flash days! Mine would probably say I know I'm confusing but I promise I'm worth it. Or I'd get a pretty pink dress that says don't bother me when my NY Giants are playing. 1
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) Not all people view having lots of sex partners as something to be ashamed of, though. I'd far rather date a man who's had lots of sex than one who is mean or dishonest- and they just don't make t-shirts like that! But, if people wore t-shirts that said things like "I care more about money than my kids" (more common than I thought!) or "I hate liberals" I'd be grateful to know! Chances are the person that's had a bunch of sex partners is the dishonest one rather than the one who's had an average, or below amount, but even then I wouldn't say honesty is really linked to this. It's more about integrity. To put it simply, I would NEVER date a porn star, and dating someone that has been with a bunch of people is not much different. Edited August 24, 2014 by marcjb
BlueIris Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Chances are the person that's had a bunch of sex partners is the dishonest one rather than the one who's had an average, or below amount, but even then I wouldn't say honesty is really linked to this. It's more about integrity. To put it simply, I would NEVER date a porn star, and dating someone that has been with a bunch of people is not much different. Ah, but the t-shirt or "bragging" would help you choose. Thinking they should be ashamed (in re the OP) is another thing, though. Just because you find lots of sexual experience a negative doesn't mean everyone does. Heck, people used to be ashamed to be gay, and now it's no big deal- maybe because people started proclaiming it proudly.
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Ah, but the t-shirt or "bragging" would help you choose. Thinking they should be ashamed (in re the OP) is another thing, though. Just because you find lots of sexual experience a negative doesn't mean everyone does. Heck, people used to be ashamed to be gay, and now it's no big deal- maybe because people started proclaiming it proudly. Again there is a difference between being gay or a certain race. With both of these, people are born that way and don't have any control over these circumstances. Someone that has been around the block and back three times is more comparable to a drug addict or alcoholic. It's their own actions and choices that got them there. There are no excuses, so if someone wants to be this way they should let whoever it is know so that they can make the decision before getting involved instead of being devastated years later.
Grumpybutfun Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Shame is a very negative value as it implies that conformity is best for all individuals. We all know from history and cults how that turns out. As for social constructs built around the number of sexual partners, that is just preference and is not a universal truth. My wife has had sex with one man, me, and I have had sex with many and our characters including integrity, honor and honesty is the same. I have more character due to making good choices in life and being kind, honest and honorable. It has little to do with the fact that I enjoyed sex with consensual partners because I placed no negative, societal or religious value on it other than mutual respect and pleasure. Perhaps stop looking at what others are doing and judging them and start living your life. You do more analyzing the actual living. I would much rather have a high count partner for life who has lived her life and understands herself than a virgin who has lived her life analyzing and prosthelytizing on her personal morals and opinions. I would find that tedious and sanctimonious as heck. Good luck, Grumps 3
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Who said anything about expecting people to be virgins? People should have their experiences, but it's all about moderation.
Grumpybutfun Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Oh, as far as bragging about bad behavior...great, it lets you know exactly who they are so you can move on. G 1
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 It's not even about bragging though. Even if the person kept quiet about it I view that as deceit. This is especially wrong when it's someone that keeps their past around as "friends".
BlueIris Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Again there is a difference between being gay or a certain race. With both of these, people are born that way and don't have any control over these circumstances. Someone that has been around the block and back three times is more comparable to a drug addict or alcoholic. It's their own actions and choices that got them there. There are no excuses, so if someone wants to be this way they should let whoever it is know so that they can make the decision before getting involved instead of being devastated years later. I agree about the choice issue. But not the shame issue. People choose to work hard in school or not, for instance, but they needn't be ashamed for having chosen not to. Getting breast implants or buying a house you can barely afford are examples I can think of. Some of the choices people make are ridiculous in my opinion, but who am I to say there is an absolute (that I define) and they should be ashamed? 1
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) I agree about the choice issue. But not the shame issue. People choose to work hard in school or not, for instance, but they needn't be ashamed for having chosen not to. Getting breast implants or buying a house you can barely afford are examples I can think of. Some of the choices people make are ridiculous in my opinion, but who am I to say there is an absolute (that I define) and they should be ashamed? I am not specifically saying anyone should be ashamed, no one should be proud of it though. That's just how the OP worded the thread title. People can live however they want to live, but when it comes time to getting another person involved such as starting a new relationship, they should be be open and honest so that the other person can make an informed decision. I wouldn't want to date a drug addict, alcoholic or a porn star, so why would I want to date someone that has had a high number of sex partners? I wouldn't. Edited August 24, 2014 by marcjb
Grumpybutfun Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Transparency is honorable. I have always been very discreet about who but not about my own actions. I'm not ashamed of them and wouldn't be interested in someone who has preconceived notions about premarital sex. I have my own standards about certain things so I would respect theirs about wanting virgins or people who only have sex with people they think they love. Therefore transparency is best for compatibility. However, this is a thread about shaming people into conforming. I don't believe that is necessary unless a persons actions are destructive to society as a whole such as crimes or destroys families and marriages such as abuse or infidelity. Personal choices where a person can reject a person for them or walk away is not a cause for shaming others. Just my opinion, G 2
marcjb Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Well my responses in this thread were just pointing out that I've been seeing a lot of posts from people as if they are proud of their high numbers, yet they try to avoid the label of a **** and try to justify themselves as if it doesn't matter. Well it does matter, to many.
guest569 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I'm not proud to be a virgin, I wouldn't feel shame for people who sleep around. They're just facts. The only time that numbers would matter to me is in my future partner, or partners of those i love. and even then, it's just about sexual health matters rather than judgement of character. If he has had a lot of unprotected sex i need to know. Shame is unhealthy, as is too much pride. But shame would be more detrimental i would say. To label someone due to their actions that don't concern you, using a derogatory word that has to be censored on here, could be shaming them. 1
Smilecharmer Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I'm not proud to be a virgin, I wouldn't feel shame for people who sleep around. They're just facts. The only time that numbers would matter to me is in my future partner, or partners of those i love. and even then, it's just about sexual health matters rather than judgement of character. If he has had a lot of unprotected sex i need to know. Shame is unhealthy, as is too much pride. But shame would be more detrimental i would say. To label someone due to their actions that don't concern you, using a derogatory word that has to be censored on here, could be shaming them. Yes and until that word has the same meaning and connotations for both genders, I find it is just a shaming method used by men who can't get laid and not merely a label. Shame is just a way to get people to do what you want. 2
WesternWizard Posted August 25, 2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Then of course there are the "bad boys" who are proud of their prison record... I'm not making this up... in the parking lot of a well-known local hardware store, some builder's truck had a gag bumper sticker on it that said "my kid is INMATE OF THE MONTH at county jail". Dumb-tough culture is something a lot of guys are REAL proud of!
Recommended Posts