Author xxJuliexx Posted August 23, 2014 Author Posted August 23, 2014 Sorry I missed that part but the rest of my response stands. While his behavior was suggestive, you were never in physical danger. Besides if you go out with him & it turns out that he is a cad, it will be much easier to be rid of him at that point but you will be pissed & therefore clear. Or it could be the best date of your life & the start of something wonderful. Really, what have you got to lose? Yeah, I see what you mean. But I can't trust him, so I highly doubt I will go out with him. I don't like how he's a "man whore" haha. Thanks!
preraph Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 Because he's a player. Players have to conquer as many women as possible. The harder they resist, the more determined they get. Doesn't mean he won't drop you like a hot potato afterwards. Just try to stop talking to him.
RedRobin Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) The worst ones will continue to try and wear you down. I had one guy called Mr. Sexy Talk try off and on to get something going with me for months. I never returned his calls or emails. He'd insist on coming over to talk to me whenever he saw me at Starbucks. I was always dismissive, and told him I needed to get to work or whatever... I wasn't rude, but I wasn't inviting either. He and I have mutual friends. At some point, I did tell one of my mutual friends that his behavior was becoming stalkerish, and it was not invited. I enlisted the support of one or two trusted friends to not give the guy any encouragement about ME... and also to let them know that any stories they might have heard about me wanting this kind of attention was wrong. To this day... Everytime he sees me, he asks if I'm dating anyone. I always say I am, even if I'm not. Haven't gotten a call or email from him in over a year, but he has tried to connect with me on Facebook (denied) and on Linked in (also denied). You can enlist your friends and BROTHER to step in if he's bothering you... say "I know so-in-so is going to be there and I don't feel comfortable around him... if you see him come up to me, please don't hesitate to come rescue me!" or something like that. Heck, don't most brothers want to kick the *ss of any guy who messes with their sister? They have to know this guy is a tool. Tell your brother(s) to keep this a**-clown away from you. I never felt unsafe about Mr. Sexy Talk (although, he bordered on it a couple of times). Coming into your room and staying there after you asked him to leave would be grounds for a police call, in my book.... if your brothers aren't doing their job, that is... Edited August 23, 2014 by RedRobin
RedRobin Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) Sorry I missed that part but the rest of my response stands. While his behavior was suggestive, you were never in physical danger. Besides if you go out with him & it turns out that he is a cad, it will be much easier to be rid of him at that point but you will be pissed & therefore clear. Or it could be the best date of your life & the start of something wonderful. Really, what have you got to lose? ... her self respect? Um, time and energy she can be spending with someone who isn't a douch? It really chaps my butt to see women encourage other women to reward behavior like his with dates or anything else. Let him tread water with women who have more muddled thinking and lower self-esteem than the OP apparently does. Players don't give 'great date' at all. That's a myth. Driven by women who like drama... and men who like messing with women. Just because you enjoyed that BS... doesn't mean the OP should go on any dates with him. You are writing off some pretty disrespectful behavior. He's crossing lines by staying in her bedroom when she asked him to leave. oh, she's not in physical danger? Um, that's next. That's how that shyte starts. Or maybe you don't know anyone who has been date raped? In my situation, I never put myself in a position where something bad could happen with Mr. Sexy Talk. In the OP's case, her brothers bring this guy into HER home and HER bedroom. I'd have a chat with the brother and maybe even my parents... the least they can do is keep this guy out of her personal space. Edited August 23, 2014 by RedRobin 4
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 You all sound young. My guess is he just does not know when to stop and when he's crossing the line. You need to give him a full blown rejection for him to understand. He enjoys annoying you and making you uncomfortable. While he does that you give him attention, it's negative attention but still attention. So, my suggestion is this. Next time he is around doing something like this you tell him off, and use all the variety of F words you can find and end it with 'are we clear'??? I would even suggest you tell him if he EVER address you in this kind of matter you will tell every girl around he has a micro-d!ck. Other suggestion: Ask you brother to tell him it's enough to leave you alone. C'mon! Get mad a little. 2
FitChick Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 Think of him as being a bit mentally retarded. You won't take his advances so seriously. Do you tell your other friends what he says or does? They might shut him up and discourage him from being such a jerk. 2
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 23, 2014 Author Posted August 23, 2014 ... her self respect? Um, time and energy she can be spending with someone who isn't a douch? It really chaps my butt to see women encourage other women to reward behavior like his with dates or anything else. Let him tread water with women who have more muddled thinking and lower self-esteem than the OP apparently does. Players don't give 'great date' at all. That's a myth. Driven by women who like drama... and men who like messing with women. Just because you enjoyed that BS... doesn't mean the OP should go on any dates with him. You are writing off some pretty disrespectful behavior. He's crossing lines by staying in her bedroom when she asked him to leave. oh, she's not in physical danger? Um, that's next. That's how that shyte starts. Or maybe you don't know anyone who has been date raped? In my situation, I never put myself in a position where something bad could happen with Mr. Sexy Talk. In the OP's case, her brothers bring this guy into HER home and HER bedroom. I'd have a chat with the brother and maybe even my parents... the least they can do is keep this guy out of her personal space. I agree with you! But I also see what Donnivain means too! I am not disregarding both of you! Cause you both have good points. I am not going to go out with him or give him a chance, cause he would need to prove a lot of things to me for him to even have the slightest chance of going out with me. What happened was, I was visiting home cause I live on my own. I was in my room and my brothers were in my room and we were talking and catching up, then out of nowhere "player man" comes up to my bedroom and says "Hey guys!" My mom sent him up, cause she told him to just go upstairs cause my brothers are upstairs, but my brothers just so happened to be in my bedroom with me. My brothers and him are talking and he lays on my bed, my brothers are still talking to him but then my brother leaves the room, and I left with him and then my other brother leaves too! But "player man" is still upstairs in my room and my brother went outside. So a couple of minutes have passed and he still hasn't left my room, so that is when I go upstairs and he is still laying on my bed and he smiles at me and I said "Umm..can you get out of my room? You are making me uncomfortable" Then that's when he said "Julie. I am being suggestive hop on the bed!" I said "Get up" and then he laughed. But it's not a thing where my brothers let him in my room, it just so happened we all were in my room, and he showed up! Thanks!
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 23, 2014 Author Posted August 23, 2014 Think of him as being a bit mentally retarded. You won't take his advances so seriously. Do you tell your other friends what he says or does? They might shut him up and discourage him from being such a jerk. Lmfao! That is quite hilarious! Well no, I don't tell them cause I don't want to turn them against him for something is my situation I guess. I feel like it would create unnecessary drama, and I wouldn't want that. I mean it could go both ways with my friends they could shut him up or discourage him or create controversy. Thanks! Lol,
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 23, 2014 Author Posted August 23, 2014 You all sound young. My guess is he just does not know when to stop and when he's crossing the line. You need to give him a full blown rejection for him to understand. He enjoys annoying you and making you uncomfortable. While he does that you give him attention, it's negative attention but still attention. So, my suggestion is this. Next time he is around doing something like this you tell him off, and use all the variety of F words you can find and end it with 'are we clear'??? I would even suggest you tell him if he EVER address you in this kind of matter you will tell every girl around he has a micro-d!ck. Other suggestion: Ask you brother to tell him it's enough to leave you alone. C'mon! Get mad a little. LMAO! Yeah I know! I probably should get mad, but I am trying my hardest to do it in a nice way where he gets the point. I thought by me saying "I am the relationship type" "I am not into players" "I don't date players" etc. Would make him realize I am not that kind of girl, that screws around and is into friend with benefits type of relationships. I thought he would get that hint. But maybe I do need to be more aggressive somehow. By the way I am 21 years old and he is 25 or 26? Lol, not sure. Thanks!
stillafool Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 LMAO! Yeah I know! I probably should get mad, but I am trying my hardest to do it in a nice way where he gets the point. I thought by me saying "I am the relationship type" "I am not into players" "I don't date players" etc. Would make him realize I am not that kind of girl, that screws around and is into friend with benefits type of relationships. I thought he would get that hint. But maybe I do need to be more aggressive somehow. By the way I am 21 years old and he is 25 or 26? Lol, not sure. Thanks! If you want to get rid of him don't even mention players. Just say, "Please stop flirting with me because I am NOT interested in YOU!" 1
WonderKid Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 Many of the women who say they aren't looking for hook-ups or players have fallen for players looking for hook-ups. In many ways, saying you don't want those things makes you a target for them. Why does he keep trying? Because it doesn't take a lot of effort, and he probably thinks you'll give in. You're still talking to him, so that tells him that he has a shot. When a girl really wants nothing to do with you, she ignores you. ^^ That sums it up right there
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 That is very very poor and immature behavior for a 25-26 year old MAN. When you're 25 you're a fully grown man, he behaves like he's 15. Your title says he is trying to 'date' you, no he's not. He's just trying to get in your pants. If he wanted to 'date' you he would approach you like a gentleman. 3
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 ... her self respect? Um, time and energy she can be spending with someone who isn't a douch? It really chaps my butt to see women encourage other women to reward behavior like his with dates or anything else. Let him tread water with women who have more muddled thinking and lower self-esteem than the OP apparently does. Players don't give 'great date' at all. That's a myth. Driven by women who like drama... and men who like messing with women. Just because you enjoyed that BS... doesn't mean the OP should go on any dates with him. You are writing off some pretty disrespectful behavior. He's crossing lines by staying in her bedroom when she asked him to leave. oh, she's not in physical danger? Um, that's next. That's how that shyte starts. Or maybe you don't know anyone who has been date raped? In my situation, I never put myself in a position where something bad could happen with Mr. Sexy Talk. In the OP's case, her brothers bring this guy into HER home and HER bedroom. I'd have a chat with the brother and maybe even my parents... the least they can do is keep this guy out of her personal space. This was in her family's home with her brothers there & her parents downstairs. There was no way the OP was getting date reped in that situation. If this was her apartment & she was the only one there & the guy wouldn't leave you would have a point about personal safety. But in that setting she was never in any danger & as she pointed out to me she did walk out. I really don't see this guy as a predator. I see him as a guy trying to be suave & screwing it up. Players only cause drama when the women in their lives don't recognize them as being players then fall for them & get their hearts broken. They do give great date because it's a romantic fairy tale. As long as you realize it's an illusion -- that all the sweet words aren't true -- you can get lost in the fantasy, kind of like watching a movie or reading a romance novel only you get to be the girl in the pretty dress, being whirled around by the handsome man. THere is no loss of self respect; there is only a fun date. I've had players take me dancing, on grand picnics, for carriage rides, to see panoramic views, for fablous walks on beaches . . . whatever cliche lent itself to the situation. I engaged them as wedding dates because I knew they can mingle & would still be attentive to me as beign my escort required. I never lost my self respect because in essense I was playing the players; I had no intention of sleeping with them & I didn't. If the OP didn't somehow fancy this guy she wouldn't have given him a second thought.
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 No I agree, you can date whoever, but if you are labeling a girl and saying "She's a keeper" and "I am not going to let this one slide" then you are basically saying "She's the one" cause you are not going to say that about someone you are just casually dating. Obviously they are in a relationship, and he had another date planned....to me that indicates "PLAYER" lol. Cause if he was just casually dating these girls, fine! But don't make it seem like the one is your girlfriend and say those things about her, and then go date another chick, to me that is wrong! No, he's not saying "she's the one," he's saying a woman is a keeper. Big difference. Men also label some women as "wife material" and guess what, they don't all get married. 1
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 No, he's not saying "she's the one," he's saying a woman is a keeper. Big difference. Men also label some women as "wife material" and guess what, they don't all get married. So some guys say that and not mean it? Well...he already has kinda sweet talked me before. He says he "loves me" all the time, but I never say it back cause I highly doubt he actually feels that with me. I don't know....I think if a guy is saying "She's a keeper" and basically saying she is his girlfriend, then he should be more respectful. Thanks!
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 So some guys say that and not mean it? Well...he already has kinda sweet talked me before. He says he "loves me" all the time, but I never say it back cause I highly doubt he actually feels that with me. I don't know....I think if a guy is saying "She's a keeper" and basically saying she is his girlfriend, then he should be more respectful. Thanks! No! Lots of women are keepers. They are not ALL my girlfriends...
FitChick Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Julie, don't your brothers know anyone decent they could fix you up with?
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 No! Lots of women are keepers. They are not ALL my girlfriends... Lol, so what do you think I should do then? Do you think I am over-analyzing this whole situation?
FitChick Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 If he were fat and smelled like a goat and said and did the same things as this guy, would you have given it a second thought? Would you have posted on an internet forum asking advice on how to handle him? 2
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 Julie, don't your brothers know anyone decent they could fix you up with? Lol, no. They hang around losers.
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 If he were fat and smelled like a goat and said and did the same things as this guy, would you have given it a second thought? Would you have posted on an internet forum asking advice on how to handle him? Yes! I would! Cause I am curious and don't know why a guy keeps pursuing when the feelings aren't mutual. When I want something different than what he wants. I made that pretty clear it seems, and he still is pursuing and thinking I will fall for it. It's weird to me. I just wanted to see what people thought about it. Thanks.
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 People do it because sometimes we have nothing better to do that evening. Maybe he thinks it's fun to hit on you. Maybe he is also texting 3 or 4 other women the same time he is you, and telling all of you the same crap. One guy I know has a really messed up system for getting laid. If he finds a girl attractive, he will take her out and buy her things all the time to make her feel like she is special to him. Meanwhile, on the nights those girls aren't around, he's "borrowing" money from fat, homely girls to help "pay his bills." The guy does nothing but talk to women and try to get laid. No other hobbies or aspirations. Wow! That is messed up! Could be what "player" man is doing. Thanks!
truth_seeker Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Many of the women who say they aren't looking for hook-ups or players have fallen for players looking for hook-ups. In many ways, saying you don't want those things makes you a target for them. Why does he keep trying? Because it doesn't take a lot of effort, and he probably thinks you'll give in. You're still talking to him, so that tells him that he has a shot. When a girl really wants nothing to do with you, she ignores you. Right on. This is the player test. The player is persistent until either the girl gives in or she goes completely cold on him. If OP truly wants him gone she does one of the following: A) Tell him she is seeing someone else B) Block him on social media and her phone C) Call the police and ask them if they can call him to let him know to leave her alone. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 C) Call the police and ask them if they can call him to let him know to leave her alone. It's the police's job to solve crime. Even if you think he's an ill-mannered player, nothing this man has done is remotely a crime. Suggesting gov't involvement is a waste of resources. It also diminishes the claims of legitimate victims. xxJuliexx -- Do NOT call the police! 1
Author xxJuliexx Posted August 24, 2014 Author Posted August 24, 2014 It's the police's job to solve crime. Even if you think he's an ill-mannered player, nothing this man has done is remotely a crime. Suggesting gov't involvement is a waste of resources. It also diminishes the claims of legitimate victims. xxJuliexx -- Do NOT call the police! You're right d0nnivain! No, I am definitely not! He hasn't done anything that warrants me to call the cops. I think that is a little extreme. Thank you. 1
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