Trish0019 Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 My husband had an affair 8 months ago. I am driving myself crazy trying to trust him again. It would help to have to opinion of a cheater and how they deal with the guilt. I know that it is over bu I second guess everything that he says or does. I have anxiety when he is on his phone. He says he is doing nothing wrong and my heart believes hi But my head is spinning wih questions. If you were the cheater and have realized your wrong doing and working things out. How would you like to be approached?
Artie Lang Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) how did you handle it- did you expose; did you set boundaries; was NC made clear to both parties? your anxiety may stem from an unresolved issue(s) you have with the outcome. Edited August 23, 2014 by Artie Lang 1
gettingstronger Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 For me, it wasn't so much a lack of trust but dday was such a punch to the stomach I was skittish and full of anxiety that "something bad" was always hanging over my head- from day 1 I knew that if he ever cheated or made contact again, I was done and gone so I did not fear it, but I did have flash backs of that sense of loss and utter sadness I felt the minute I found out-
lovinDKT3 Posted August 23, 2014 Posted August 23, 2014 For me as a wayward (cheater) its important that I make him feel safe in our relationship and that he never regrets giving me the gift of a second chance. When I'm texting for example I make it a point to either mention who I'm texting or try to involve him in the conversation. I text or call him when I leave work or running late. Oddly enough he kinda gets annoyed, safe but annoyed Its not a matter of him giving me his trust, but me earning it back. I'm a working on it and its getting better. 2
idkwsstf Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 I agree, I also make it a point to tell my H details of what I'm doing our who I'm talking to. He knows if he ever needs to he can go through my phone or emails or anything he needs to. (He never has, but the option is always there) I realize that I need to gain his trust back, so even when he has bad days about the A, I am understanding and let him ask our talk about anything he needs to.
Sugar Magnolia Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Sugar Magnolia Posted August 24, 2014 Posted August 24, 2014 My H affair has been over for a year, I still have anxiety about it, freak out if he is late or I don't know where he is,,, I know he is not doing anything, he is trying hard to earn back the trust,,, I guess it just takes time ,,
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