Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I'm pretty sure that most people are interested in men or woman with goals. Short term, long term or whatever. I keep myself pretty organised and I am always writing goals and slapping that " to do list" in the face. I met a guy and dated him for a little while. For reasons un known, I guess I kept dating him because, he had a good life style, he had a good job, he treated me better than I have ever had experienced before and he was nice. A good, good guy. But one thing I was alarmed at is that he didn't have any goals. He thought there was going to be an end to this world any way in the next decade. He had no real desire to travel ( even though I did) and he and i had different desires. I want to finish my study and then go off and work in an orphanage in central or south america. He wanted to stay in his quiet little suburb. He did have one goal. To get married again. And I found that even though I told him that he and I weren't quite a match, he would try and try again. His goal was to have me, even though we weren't right for one another. He had been single for five years. I had been single for 11. And I found that he was more desperate than I was! Anyway -back to the point- why would a guy, who is a bit passive be attracted to a go-getter? and am I right ladies, men with goals? total turn on! I just felt that he didn't want to grow and develop as a person, that he wanted to remain a bit passive and stuck in his ways. Am I being too harsh? or am I right? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 You want what you want. It doesn't sound that unrealistic but what if the goals aren't easy to measure, like you find somebody who wants to be happy rather then somebody who wants to make $1M or get a job doing xy&z? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJDC Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 There's a guy called Luis Saurez. He has loads of goals. Go get him girl. Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Reality bites. Sometimes life is boring and sometimes boring is good. If your concerned that your partner doesn't want to travel the world or spend a year working at an orphanage in south America, you have some seriously first world problems. 80% of the world is concerned with how to get enough food to eat or how to secure a clean source of drinking water. You are concerned that your guy with a good job who treats you well doesn't want to blow 80% of the world's annual wage on a plane ticket. Sorry for coming across as harsh, but women like you make me sick. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elseaacych Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 You want someone with goals compatible to yours. My ex wanted to roam the world doing God-knows-what. He wasn't happy here, so he thinks he'll be happier in another country. I on the other hand, want to proceed with my career, find someone I love, and establish roots where we can grow (preferably in a vibrant city, but I will go where I can work), with the occasional wandering out to see the world. These goals were incompatible. In your case, it's much the same, it's not that you're more driven than him, you're just driven in different directions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I would not date someone planning to leave the country as a life goal. You think he is not interesting because he lacks goals, maybe he sees you as weird for wanting to go help people in south america when you are already surrounded by homeless people, poverty, lonely old people, sick people left on their own to die, and the list goes on. Also, depending on your age, I think at some point you've got to be realistic with your life goals. I have achieved most my life goals at 48. A lot of people ask me why I don't go in business for myself with the knowledge and experience I have. I tell them I am done setting myself these kind of goals, now I want to enjoy the fruit of my life long efforts. No more living like a comet with no time to smell the roses. It does not make me boring one bit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Reality bites. Sometimes life is boring and sometimes boring is good. If your concerned that your partner doesn't want to travel the world or spend a year working at an orphanage in south America, you have some seriously first world problems. 80% of the world is concerned with how to get enough food to eat or how to secure a clean source of drinking water. You are concerned that your guy with a good job who treats you well doesn't want to blow 80% of the world's annual wage on a plane ticket. Sorry for coming across as harsh, but. Ok, I agree ^^ Life isn't always jet-setting from one thing to another. Now, there are some high-energy people who thrive on constantly looking for new things/challenges to do....But to what end? Sometimes a person's goal is just 'how they are gonna put food on the table' - it's not thrilling or exciting, but it is what it is. Dating is to figure out if you're a match - this guy is not a match for what you want. You are free to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 TBH the guy is lucky to have you gone. He can save for retirement, buy a house, build his nest, comfortably without having the OP needle him to drop another five to ten grand once or twice a year so they can take selfies for Facebook with poor people in a remote country. Pretty expensive selfies if you ask me. Go to the inner city thirty minutes away, get your selfies and save your money. Better yet volunteer at the local homeless shelter and donate the tens of thousands you hope to spend on airfare under the guise of "having goals". Buy some stock in airlines and profit off of people like yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 I wanted advice not abuse Kyta. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I wouldn't like his "why bother - the world is going to end anyway" attitude at all. And I'll tell you why I don't buy it and think it's a cover for general laziness. I was once a hippie, and we were all very concerned with the world ending in our lifetimes, but it didn't make us want to hole up and do nothing. Instead it made us want to live life to the fullest. So I think it's a load of hooey he made up to excuse his nonproductivity. So I'm on your side here, but you must get realistic about thinking you'll find someone to go do all this care work in third-world countries. That is simply unrealistic. The way to find that person is to go do the work and see if you meet someone while there who's already doing it. And by all means, go live that dream! It will be more valuable to you than pretty much any relationship you could have that kept you in one place. There's plenty of time for that later. Go do your dreams while you're young and carefree. Doing what you love will draw the right people to you. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyJake Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Anyway -back to the point- why would a guy, who is a bit passive be attracted to a go-getter? and am I right ladies, men with goals? total turn on! I just felt that he didn't want to grow and develop as a person, that he wanted to remain a bit passive and stuck in his ways. Am I being too harsh? or am I right? Often lazy and/or passive people are attracted to "go-getters". They like someone else to make decisions and take care of things and make things happen. That said I think you are being too harsh. You both just want different things in life, and that's ok. He is not the guy for you. No need to bash on him because he is different and has different goals. Just go find someone more like yourself next time, since you know what you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I just felt that he didn't want to grow and develop as a person, that he wanted to remain a bit passive and stuck in his ways. Am I being too harsh? or am I right? Perhaps he is content in his ways and does not wish to rock the boat. You are projecting yourself onto him. You feel he is "stuck". Perhaps he believes he is free. However anyone wishes to interpret his situation - as very briefly described - says much more about the observer than the observed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 i dated a guy once for several years, he had a masters in science, and was working less than p/t at a job that paid about $11 an hour. i *hoped* my career might influence some action on his part, but it didn't. he was nice, but lazy as heck. you are either goal-oriented or not, and many men are not. some want to be lazy and sit at home dreaming instead of doing. just don't date those ones, because they won't change, and you'll suffer frustration trying. that being said, many women want to take care of a project and several of my friends support their stay-at-home husbands, so... whatever. but you won't change anyone and you can't force a guy to get going if that isn't what he wants. if you are goal-oriented and successful then you should be dating men who are as well. it is definitely a turn-on, but ask that guy who wasn't goal-oriented if he thinks he is and he'll likely say 'yes.' everyone thinks they are, lol Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 BTW This guy doesn't lack goals, his goals already have been achieved and now he is enjoying his life with satisfaction. He is a lot further ahead than you by the sounds of it, so I can't see how you can criticize. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 To answer your question, sometimes lazy, passive people want to hitch onto a "go-getter" that will pay their bills and "entertain" them with an active and fun life. I have seen posts on here about fat girls wanting fit guys. It's a variation on the concept. People are attracted to attractive traits whether or not they themselves possess those traits. No big mystery. IMO it's immature and silly to pursue someone with a completely incompatible lifestyle but people do it all the time for superficial reasons. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Marrying and having a family are goals too. In fact, if you're the type that wants to travel the world you should expect to remain single for a good long while. Not everyone can/wants to afford it, and there's too much room for cheating when your new BF spends more nights in hotels than with you. And families can also fight poverty in their ways. I'm sure cooking for hungry people can be done at home. It gets even easier when you fight for animals; during my volunteering at an animal shelter whole families would come by on the weekends and asked if there was anything they could help with (usually we let them take a few dogs for walks or let children play with the smaller dogs, or parents would help cleaning the rabbit area etc). Not to mention the food donations we received every few days. Besides, now with ebola running wild in Central/North Africa, I doubt they'll let you go there anymore (those organizations prefer to send experienced people over to extreme zones). And South Africa has become a vacation resort in the past few years, little poverty to fight there anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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