daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I dated a guy for a couple weeks before he left for a two month trip to Arizona where his parents are from. Haven't seen him in almost two months, but we've written a few e-mails to keep in touch. When we last spoke in person, we decided since we had only just met eachother and he was going to be gone two months, we wouldn't be "boyfriend-girlfriend." At the time, I was wondering if he really meant that or if he just didn't think of me as girlfriend material. I got this e-mail from him and I wonder if you guys could give your opinions. Does he like me as more than friends? Is this a "I think you're cool, but only as a friend." I've gone back and forth. Thanks so much. Here's the e-mail: see? that paragraph was amazing. i dont know anyone who is as cool as you are. you fascinate me. its even more amazing because you havent seen one of the movies- you just felt drawn to it i suppose. how did you even hear about that anyway? i know what you mean about the stir crazy thing. i was actually kind of freaking out tonight- i was hoping to be back by now, but i am stuck here, waiting for a few things to settle. i wanna go home! hehe. i guess i dont really care, but i want to do something else for a while. i think that i am going to watch spies like us tonight. i havent seen that for a while- seems like a winner. keep being you- and please keep me posted.
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Friends. Otherwise he would have written a bit about you.
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Friends. Otherwise he would have written a bit about you. what do you mean? he did write about me.
HotCaliGirl Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 In my opinion, he is writing only as friends, not that it can't turn into something more, but I didn't read it as anything other than just friends... He doesn't say he misses you or that the short time you spent together has caused him to think of you etc. anything along the lines of more than friends is omitted... Then again, he DID write "I don't know anyone who is as cool as you are. You fascinate me"...hmmm, but then the rest of the email is contrasted with strictly friendship style writing... It's a toughie!!!
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 "You fascinate me", is telling of his perception of you. True. But the whole line seems to refer to a thing you had done for him / sent to him. He gives no word, to how you should feel, because you wrote that. There is no special paragraph to write about you, and how he wants you to think about him. keep being you- and please keep me posted. the request is worded in a way, which clearly is indicative of personal like (keep being you). But with a weak wording of his request. But I could be mistaken, as I know most men have troubles communicating interest in a romantic sense / friendship sense. Also, because you have only dated for a couple of weeks, the possibility cannot be excluded that it might develop in something more.
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 well... what about this one: i was just thinking about you! usually its while im driving or something and then when i get home i forget to get online. i guess there is that whole phone invention. how are you? i hope that everything is going well. i should be back in a couple weeks. hows work? talk to you soon. i don't know. he was really shy in person. he's only had one girlfriend in his life and that only lasted a month. i keep reading more into those emails because i know how quiet he is in person, but maybe i'm just stupid and want something to come from nothing. right before he left, he told me he had resisted kissing me the night before because he wanted to show me he wasn't using me just.. that he really liked me. i don't know what to think. he could be full of crap??
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl [color=blue]In my opinion, he is writing only as friends, not that it can't turn into something more, but I didn't read it as anything other than just friends... He doesn't say he misses you or that the short time you spent together has caused him to think of you etc. anything along the lines of more than friends is omitted... Then again, he DID write "I don't know anyone who is as cool as you are. You fascinate me"...hmmm, but then the rest of the email is contrasted with strictly friendship style writing... It's a toughie!!! [/color] yeah, totally. that's why i keep going back and forth. i'm pretty shy too, so even though i miss him like crazy, i restrain myself from admitting it. i have to wonder if he feels the same and just doesn't want to admit it. i don't know. i know nothing.
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I am reasonably shy myself, so I can imagine how a shy guy would write. The comment he made before he left was quite telling, indicative of more than friendship. 1) he is a shy person, so he already has a bit restrained behavior towards people 2) the words of his statement (not using you). Concerning the other mail, he takes an healthy interest in the functioning of your life, but sadly does not mention anything specific (which can be hard, if you don't tell him too much about it!). If you are shy yourself, chances are that he simply does not get the required information from your personal life to write a clear email message for you. Don't forget that because he left for Arizona he will be a lot less exposed to you, than when near you. It makes it harder for him (and you) to think about each other. Bottom line: when he gets back, date him some more.
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez I am reasonably shy myself, so I can imagine how a shy guy would write. The comment he made before he left was quite telling, indicative of more than friendship. 1) he is a shy person, so he already has a bit restrained behavior towards people 2) the words of his statement (not using you). Concerning the other mail, he takes an healthy interest in the functioning of your life, but sadly does not mention anything specific (which can be hard, if you don't tell him too much about it!). If you are shy yourself, chances are that he simply does not get the required information from your personal life to write a clear email message for you. Don't forget that because he left for Arizona he will be a lot less exposed to you, than when near you. It makes it harder for him (and you) to think about each other. Bottom line: when he gets back, date him some more. thank you so much for the wonderful reply. can't tell you how much it means to me to get helpful advice/intelligent opinion.
HotCaliGirl Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 daterhater wrote: well... what about this one: i was just thinking about you! usually its while im driving or something and then when i get home i forget to get online. i guess there is that whole phone invention. how are you? i hope that everything is going well. i should be back in a couple weeks. hows work? talk to you soon. I think he's very much into you...just shy and so polite not to kiss etc. I can't wait for him to get back for you! Maybe he analyzes your emails too - write that you think of him and the kind of stuff you want him to write to you, to see if he reciprocates and opens up.
_Saffy_ Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 i was just thinking about you! usually its while im driving or something and then when i get home i forget to get online. i guess there is that whole phone invention he forgets to go online? and he doesnt call??.......................i dont think this guy is interested in anything except being friends.
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ he forgets to go online? and he doesnt call??.......................i dont think this guy is interested in anything except being friends. Saffy is right - this is the only telling signal we've heard so far. In his shoes, I could be interested, but not really keen yet. Or just view you as a friend. Either is possible. Try not to fret too much, carry on with your life, date him when he gets back (if you're still free and interested, of course).
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 well, what i don't get is why he'd still maintain a friendship with me when we don't have a history. if he wants to date me, he should keep in contact with me. if he doesn't like me like that, he should just ignore me.
Author daterhater Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 dating is so depressing. the first night we met, he seemed crazy about me. he took a picture of me with his cellphone, programed my number in his phone (calling me right after to make sure he got it right). he didn't leave my side the entire night, talking to me about everything from family to what he wants to name his kids. at the end of the night, he kissed me. i guess if he suddenly decided he didn't like me as a girlfriend-type, he shouldn't try to be my friend because from the start, we were more lovers than friends. it's not like we have a history of friendship so if we don't want to "date" we can fall back to friendship. dating or nothing i say.
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 Dating is a depressing experience for a lot of people. In the future, please tell these things first, before you post emails that were sent and produced later. This posting gives the emails, and the moment you said your goodbyes completely different meanings. But don't you think he came on a bit strong, especially considering he is a shy in person?
Author daterhater Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 yeah, sorry. i definitely should have told the full story before posting the e-mails. i think he did come on strong when we first met, but (yikes) our inhibitions were lowered due to a little alcohol. i'm also a very shy person and did things i'd never do that night we first met. the difference for me when i do drink (which is rarely) is i say the things i want to say while sober but am too afraid to say when i first meet someone. i think i'll just leave the ball in his court and give him space for a while. when he comes back, if he does want to get together, i don't know if i should be so willing. in a way, it's like i should be pissed he didn't email me/call me more while he was away. should i even say yes to hanging out with him when he's back?
_Saffy_ Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 some guys just like to have people hanging around, make them feel good, someone to contact when they havent got much going on......or something, who knows what goes on in their heads. i dont doubt that he likes you, you are right, he wouldnt contact you if he didnt, but he isnt contacting you enough to be really into you. i would give him space, be cool, be polite and respond when he initiates contact. if he wants to hang out when he gets back, and theres no indication that he will at the moment, then think about it then, not now. anything could happen in the time between now and then. just chill a bit, thats all.
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