on a break and it was my birthday yesterday

[sharp357]

Hey guys, I'll try and keep this short but I guess I'm just looking for advice.

 

I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 20, we've been going out over a year and everything was going fine. She's back home right now from uni so lives about 2 hours away. The last few months we had been arguing a bit more, but we always got past. She always said she loved me and couldn't see herself with anyone else, that I was the perfect guy for her...

 

Well randomly two weeks ago, she decided that she wanted a break. She wouldn't tell me the reasons why, but insisted on no contact. I lasted around 5 days, but I have 5 exams starting today so I called and forced her into a decision because I couldn't live with the indecisiveness and not knowing. We broke up and it ended with her telling me she loved me, but she just couldn't be in a relationship right now. She hoped she would get past this and we could be together, but I said I couldn't wait.

 

Fast forward 2 days of NC, she calls me crying saying she made a huge mistake and she was sorry and that she was a horrible person. She asked me to take her back, so I said I would. I said we would talk after my exams, and she said she still didn't want any contact.

 

Unfortunately I had a bit of a weak moment and text again asking if we were together or not. She got annoyed and turned off her phone. I found out she has been back here (where I live) all weekend with her best friend. Originally she wanted to talk today but when I asked if we could after my exam she replied 'I don't have an open return sorry' and she went back home. I haven't had a good luck or anything for my exams and my birthday is on Thursday... Not a good time.

 

Should I end this? Am I being strung along? I don't think I've ever been treated worse by anyone in my life, I never thought she would do this to me, but I can't stop loving her...

 

This ended up longer than I thought... Any advice would be great, I'm getting nothing from her anymore

[Ordinaryday]

Some people are notorious for stringing others along and playing games and once they know you want them they figure this is an open pass to do so.

 

you need to be firm with people like this.

 

if you feel she is playing games text her once, and no more than once, with something like "If you want to be with me I am all for that and I hope we can do that, but I am not open to playing games. If you are undecided or dont want to be with me please leave me alone, because I am not up for playing games"

 

then just ignore everything she sends you unless she is firm that she wants to be with you, dont let her string you along.

[sharp357]

I feel like I've already tried to contact her too much over this time. Maybe I should just stick with NC, and if she contacts me then I can say that. Tell her straight. I think I've finally been pushed to my limit

[Ordinaryday]

I feel like I've already tried to contact her too much over this time. Maybe I should just stick with NC, and if she contacts me then I can say that. Tell her straight. I think I've finally been pushed to my limit

 

sorry that is exactly what I was suggesting, dont initiate contact with her but if she contacts you with more mindgames then respond with "I have no time for games and I am not prepared to be just friends with you. if you want to be with me then great but otherwise please leave me alone"

[Zeurich]

Just focus on your exams that is worth than a woman who does not know what she want, and seems you better let her go. At this point it is easy than got married and going for a divorce after many years. you your head little brother not your feelings. But you need to let her know that you are not interested in games or taking breaks in between it does not make any sens.

[Missredhead]

I feel exactly the same as you at the moment, so I'm on day 1 of NC but I'm dealing with someone being really indecisive too, I think it's horrible when you have no idea on way or another what he hell is going on, but you stick around out of hope. Which is horrible

[sharp357]

It's really hard having no idea why all of this has happened. I won't be contacting again, and I won't be surprised if I don't hear from her after my exams either. I just don't understand why she would ring to ask for me back and then instantly swap to being mean to me again. Looking at all the facts it seems so obvious that I need to get out of this because she obviously doesn't care about me anymore. I just can't convince myself that it's the end...

[Missredhead]

Same here. My relationship was 5 and a half years. Lived together for 2. It seems like he's happy enough back at his mothers house. I guess no responsibilities. I have asked if we will be ok I get ' I don't know stop asking!!' Or are you coming back at any point because I need to sort out the bills I get 'do what you need to do' or 'I don't know I still feel as angry as I did last week' just really vague answers.

But if I get annoyed or upset it makes it worse. I can't really win.

[sharp357]

I'm in the exact same situation. She doesn't seem to understand how hard I'm finding this. When she feels down it's fine to ring me, but when I am she gets annoyed. As mentioned, if I hear from her I will be telling her straight. Either you want to be with me, or stop talking to me. Make a decision!

[Missredhead]

Mine says he has a made choice he wil see where it goes. Lol. I think the trick is to stop caring but unlike them we can't just flip a switch and the feelings are gone.

[sharp357]

I think you're completely right. While they think we still care they know they can get away with anything. The second I went no contact after our break up she rang and got me back on the hook. Not this time, think we need to start trying to treat this like it is the end.

[Missredhead]

Definitely. It's horrible but maybe accepting it is a way forward in a way because maybe then they can see what they lost. Make it hard for her. If she contacts you take forever to get back to her. I hate playing games but honestly? If they can treat you so badly with no remorse. Game on!

I'm on NC and I know I'll hear something by the end of the week when he's bored and not busy, if he contacts me I'll just take ages to reply. Don't be the weaker sex. People like them run from it.

[sharp357]

Yeah you're right. I've been there at the drop of a hat for her. Not any more. Like you said, its time for them to realise exactly what they have lost. And I'm sure they will! Now we just have to be strong and stick to this. Least we both know others are going through the same thing

[Missredhead]

Exactly

 

I feel absolutely awful today, it's really crap. I actually feel like I'm falling apart and he's off snowboarding later lol.

I do think he will decide he doesn't want to be with me in the end, though he does say he loves me.

I guess I'm waiting for him to confirm he doesn't want me at all.

[sharp357]

I've been doing the exact same. Nothing I can say right now will make you feel better, but you need to take the power back. As hard as it is (I know, because its hard as hell for me to take my own advice here!) there has to be no contact at all. You sound like a very loving and caring person, he will regret this. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months etc. but you will be better off by then. We might not be in the exact same boat, as your relationship was longer but nothing we do now will help convince them. One thing we can take out of this is some very important lessons learned. I'm back on day 1 of NC now after a slip up before posting this thread so I know how you're feeling, but stay strong. As hard as it is, messaging them again will only push them further away. You can do this!

[Missredhead]

This really does suck in the worst possible way to be honest.

I'm hoping he just wants the break and he will be back. But I'll give him the space

[sharp357]

All you can do now is try to focus on yourself. If it was meant to be, it will happen. Feel free to message or anything if you find yourself struggling. I know I am!

[Missredhead]

Thnk you my nice that someone understands. You'll have too take of message anytime as us broken hearted don't get much sleep much

 

I'm gonna rea that and think wat th hell in the morning as

My zopiclone kicks in lol

[sharp357]

haha I think I got the general gist of it! But yeah, helps to stick together in times like this!

[Missredhead]

How you doing? Because I'm doing completely rubbish at this. I've sent a few texts broke NC. Now I'm just being completely and utterly ignored. Nothing I say is being answered though I can see he's read it.

Preparing myself as I have a feeling he's completely done now (if he wasn't before) to gearing up to get the rest of his things this weekend.

I feel awful. Not stopped crying. Went out yesterday felt so sick I cried on the bus ride home.

 

Sucks to be me

[Requiem4Dreams]

I'll let you in on a little secret. I read somewhere in a thread, that holding onto someone was like holding onto a bird that yearned to be free, and the tighter you held, the more it tried to escape.

 

Let it go, and fly free and do what it needs to do. The statement of if you love it set it free, and if it comes back it was meant to be. I'm not too familiar with it. I do know however, that by letting go of something that inst leading you anywhere opens you up to new possibilities and avenues you may have never known existed before.

 

For an example, what if by letting go, you find someone who excels beyond what you had. Instills within you a parting knowledge of something you had missing. I think of life in terms of moments that define us, or break us, or set us free.

 

Every experience we have is a process to be learned for something we have missed out on, something that will lead us further into the life we hold dear. Our growth is measured by the limits we place in ourselves and on others, what we will accept, and what we can't accept. We draw a line in the sand with our morals and beliefs, interests, and hopes.

 

I'm a bit drunk right now, so commenting probably isn't in my best interest, but I tend to be far more prophetic and philosophical in these moments.

 

I'm 35 though, and I can guarantee that I've pretty much experienced every notion of love, or relationships that people are currently engaged in.

 

Anyway, I'm always willing to dispense advice from the things I've learned. I may have to re-read this thread, but I'm sure I got the gist of it.

[sharp357]

Hey guys, I'll try and keep this short...

 

Basically a few weeks ago my girlfriend decided that she wanted a break a week before I had 5 exams and my birthday, but wouldn't tell me why. Me being an idiot kept calling and texting to try and get her to change her mind which ended up with us breaking up. 2 days later she rang me crying, apologising, saying she was a horrible person and would I take her back. I said yes...

 

She said she didn't want it to go back to normal yet. I made another mistake of ringing her a day later and she ended up turning her phone off and we haven't spoke in a week.

 

It was my birthday yesterday and she sent me a private fb message saying 'happy birthday hope your exams went well x' I didn't reply because it sounded pretty half-arsed and her friends and some family members sent me nicer ones on fb. I ignored it all day and today I received a proper card from her (time-stamped so I know it was sent yesterday, obviously because I didn't reply and she knew it wasn't enough)

 

Should I send her a short message like 'Thanks for the card, I appreciate it x' and leave it there? Or should I carry on ignoring her? I'm not a petty person so I feel its the right thing to do, but she has messed me about quite a lot over the past few weeks.

 

Any help would be great!

[Chi townD]

So, I'm confused! Are you broken up or back together? Or did she up to status to breaking up to back on a break or what? What are you to her at the moment?

[sharp357]

You are as confused as me then! She asked me if I would take her back so we weren't 'broken up' but she didn't want to be back to our old relationship, so I guess still on a break. When I rang her again I was asking for a yes or no on whether we were together or not. She said we would talk after my exams and wouldn't answer the question... That's when I decided to stop chasing.

[PegNosePete]

There is no such thing as "on a break". You're either together or you're not.

 

Sounds to me like there was another guy, she dumped you for him but he turned her down so she came crying back to you. Then he showed interest again so off to the back burner you went again.

 

Just ignore her until/unless she decides to communicate in a mature manner. She's the one who asked for a break. She can tell you when she's ready.