Darren2013 Posted August 22, 2014 Posted August 22, 2014 I'm not an expert on how to effectively hide my crush on someone but here are the top 5 things I think are a good start to implement. I am still improvising. This list applies to those of you who work the same place or go to the same school or church as your crush. 1. Do not look at them at all unless they are talking to you. If you happen to see them coming your direction look away. 2. Act busy and act engrossed in looking at a newspaper or looking at things on your phone like if they are coming into the employee lunch room. 3. Do not initiate any contact unless it is about work related necessary stuff to get the job done. 4. If your job is fairly flexible try to leave work about 30 minutes before they do sometimes. This way they won't have any suspicions that you are hung up on checking them out. If they suspect you have a crush on them then they might wonder why you are not sticking around as much as you can to check them out. The same goes for church or some kind of social event. Make it a point to leave before they do. 5. If you know of certain places they hang out at them avoid those places when you know they will be there. If anyone asks why you don't go to this place or that place come up with a good cover story such as I got sick of the food at that restaurant. Most people make the mistake of looking for excuses to show up where they know their crush will be. Do the exact opposite and avoid those places. 6. Do not tell a single soul about your crush not even your best friend and not even the priest. You can't take the chance that the word is going to get out. 7. If your crush talks to you and asks you questions about your dating life such as are you seeing anyone you say yes but things are not that serious yet. Tell them it is still early and that so far the person you are seeing seems to be an okay guy/gal so far. 8. It is okay if your crush asks you about your love life but don't ask them any questions about theirs. There's other ways you can find out if they are single or taken. If they are seriously involved with someone then it is only a matter of time before their significant other comes up as subject in their conversation.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 I still plan to wait a few weeks before sending the gift to her. That will give me plenty of time to think about it more and make up my mind on how to break the ice or even to break it at all. There is another option I was thinking about last night. In about 1 year from now I plan to be moving to a new home 45 minutes away and I plan to be working a new job by then in this new area. My point is that a year from now the workplace external factor between me and my crush will no longer be an issue. That factor will be taken out of the equation. I could wait another year to ask her out and it would be 1 week after the last day at my current job. All it will take is patience on my part to hunker down and keep my feelings concealed for another year. Besides I prefer a long distance relationship anyway as it will give me a good excuse not to see her that often assuming that she has interest in me and a relationship does get off the ground in the first place. I don't want to see my girlfriend everyday. So I am giving it more thought to wait another year before asking her out.
sillyanswer Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 So I am giving it more thought to wait another year before asking her out. If you're interested in her you should ask her out soon, before someone else does. Strike while the iron is hot. The early bird gets the worm. Carpe diem. etc 2
I am Bud Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) Dear Darren2013 I think that your 'Top 8 ways to hide your crush on someone' will literally crush your chances with her if you decide to go down that path. Now that you have listed 8 ways to avoid her, take a moment to put yourself in her shoes and see how you would feel if a girl did all those 8 things to you. If after she had done the 8 steps that you have suggested which would make her basically disappear from your life for about a year and then came back to ask you out what reason would you have to say yes? She has not endeared herself towards you because she hasn't been around to be nice; all that you have noticed from her is that she has avoided looking at you, avoided talking to you and avoided all the places that you go to....however you will receive a box of chocolates from out of nowhere from a secret admirer so this should be enough to show that you are loved?! I think that you are going to have to rethink your strategy on this because a year from now is far away and just like sillyanswer said what would happen to your plans if another guy came into the picture?! Can you predict for certain that no one else will find her attractive and ask her out? Try to deal with whatever fear and anxiety that you have because you are doing the exact opposite in what you should be doing in this situation. When you like someone you take steps to go towards them and not away. All the best - Bud. Edited September 6, 2014 by I am Bud 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Ultimately alot of things can happen in a year. She could date someone else. That's risky. There's also the chance that relationship won't last. I'm not worried so much about that as much as I worry that she may not feel the same way about me. Her interest level in me is a higher priority than the possibility that she will be taken in a year. If she is taken by then I can always wait it out and get updates on her relationship to see if it is progressing towards marriage or falling out.
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Darren123 Best way to have a happy relationship: Stop doing the 8 things you listed. Man up & tell your friend of 12 years you like her. This won't get better until you tell her. We regret more in life the things we don't do. 3
hotpotato Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Hate to tell you, but she probably already knows you have a crush on her! 2
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Hate to tell you, but she probably already knows you have a crush on her! If that's the case and it is obvious to her then she will probably be glad that I am making an effort to stay out of her way. She may hope I never work up enough nerve to ask her out.
sillyanswer Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Ultimately alot of things can happen in a year. She could date someone else. That's risky. There's also the chance that relationship won't last. I'm not worried so much about that as much as I worry that she may not feel the same way about me. Her interest level in me is a higher priority than the possibility that she will be taken in a year. If she is taken by then I can always wait it out and get updates on her relationship to see if it is progressing towards marriage or falling out. I knew we'd get on to interest level sooner or later.
preraph Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 If she felt the same way about you, you'd have known it years ago. She doesn't. All these strange tactics your using are 100% self-defeating and never going to serve you well.
Maleficent Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I don't get it. If you have a crush on someone...why would you try to hide it?
bubbaganoosh Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 When I was a senior in high school, I had a crush on a girl and rather then taking my chances and asking her out, I pussy footed around and some other guy waltzes up to her, asks her out and I just watched this unfold and came to realize that either ***** or get off the pot. Your only hurting you chances and if you keep watching from the sidelines, then some dude is going to step in front of the line and you lose. Now if she's a married woman or a woman in a relationship, then keep your distance and your mouth shut. If not go ask her out and if she says yes, then your good and if she refuses, don't feel like the Lone Ranger because it happens to the best of us. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 If she felt the same way about you, you'd have known it years ago. She doesn't. All these strange tactics your using are 100% self-defeating and never going to serve you well. Actually no because years ago I didn't have the interest in her that I do now. Obviously you haven't been following my story quite well. Although I have known her for 12 years I didn't have interest beyond friendliness until recently. Which means even at this time last year I only saw her as a friend. So no I wouldn't have known it years ago. The point is that if it is possible for my feelings to progress over time then it is possible on her end too. I never said it is a definite but just a possibility.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) When I was a senior in high school, I had a crush on a girl and rather then taking my chances and asking her out, I pussy footed around and some other guy waltzes up to her, asks her out and I just watched this unfold and came to realize that either ***** or get off the pot. Your only hurting you chances and if you keep watching from the sidelines, then some dude is going to step in front of the line and you lose. Now if she's a married woman or a woman in a relationship, then keep your distance and your mouth shut. If not go ask her out and if she says yes, then your good and if she refuses, don't feel like the Lone Ranger because it happens to the best of us. I'm willing to take that risk that some other guy will get her before I do. There's always that chance that some other guy will get her anyway whether I ask her out or not. Besides that I've only had feelings for a month. I can't expect to just act on it right away. I should at least give it time to see if the feelings will just go away. That's another reason I think waiting a year might be a feasible option. Back in July of this same year if you had asked me if I liked this lady I would have said no. So everything that has been going on has been recent. Back in July and all those years before that I saw her as a friend only. Edited September 6, 2014 by Darren2013
I am Bud Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Dear Darren2013 It is obvious that you care about this woman being that you want to make her happy by giving her chocolates. But how will she be able to cultivate an interest in you when you won't be around to talk with her and try to connect with her? You have worked with her for 12 years already and the only way that you will get noticed is if you engage her in conversation. To talk with her about the supernatural if that is what she likes to talk about. To change her perception of you as just another colleague you have to talk with her and show her what you are about. You will gain much more in a conversation with her in a social setting then you will ever have from admiring and observing her from afar. It will be also much quicker for you to decide whether she is compatible with you or not. Remember the times that you had an interest in anything, what did you do then?! what steps did you do to satisfy that interest?!........and let's say for a second that she has an interest in you, how can she cultivate that if your not around and she is not able to talk with you?! Regards - Bud. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 I've made up my mind. I won't be sending her any gifts. I'm just going to wait another year before asking her out. In the meantime I'll try not to think about her and try to date other women or find a new hobby to help me not think about her as much. It is going to be hard seeing her at work but I'm only going to be there 1 more year. The benefits outweigh the risks. As I said earlier I prefer a long distance relationship anyway so that I have a convenient excuse not to see my girlfriend that often. Once a relationship gets off the ground with any woman whether her or anyone else I don't want to see her more than once a week. As a result I have made it a point to not date women locally. So even if the interest was mutual between her and I and even if I asked her out now and even if everything goes well and does not lead to problems at work I don't want this to become an issue later on if the relationship grows and she starts complaining that I don't spend enough time with her. Once I move 45 minutes away then that solves the problem. When I think about long term potential problems then all this other stuff about mutual interest and asking her out becomes a moot point. Even if I succeed in my mission and she goes out with me I always have to think about what's next.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I'm willing to take that risk that some other guy will get her before I do. There's always that chance that some other guy will get her anyway whether I ask her out or not. Besides that I've only had feelings for a month. I can't expect to just act on it right away. I should at least give it time to see if the feelings will just go away. That's another reason I think waiting a year might be a feasible option. Back in July of this same year if you had asked me if I liked this lady I would have said no. So everything that has been going on has been recent. Back in July and all those years before that I saw her as a friend only. If you wait a year she going to be married with three kids! Ask and you shall receive friend
Author Darren2013 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) Actually she has already been married before and already has 3 grown kids. I remember her saying she didn't want to marry again. She got out of a bad marriage 7 years ago. I've known her for 12 years. She was married when I first worked at this job. Then 5 years later she filed for divorce. If she really was the type to be serious about marrying again she would have done so by now. For the last 7 years she has been content to be without a husband. There's no reason to assume that is likely to change by tomorrow. It could happen but based on the amount of time she has remained single (by her choice) it isn't likely. So everything in life is a risk. It is only a question of how small or how big and observing things like past patterns is one way to weigh the degree of risk. I'm not going to worry about risks that are not likely to happen based on the information I have available to me. 12 years is a long time for change to take place in one's thinking. I've seen changes in her over the years and I have gone through changes of my own as well. Certain things I used to want out of life back then I don't want now. 12 years ago I might have wanted to get married and I was under the illusion that marriage was the only way for me to be happy. That has changed and now I am happier without it and just having a steady girlfriend that I don't see very often. The problem is that even some women who don't want to ever get married again still want to spend more time with me than I want when they become my girlfriend. So even if she were to agree to be my girlfriend there's a chance she is going to want that. If we end up breaking up over that then all this stuff in the short term is moot. It isn't going to make any difference whether we never date or only date for a short time only to figure out we are not compatible. If the latter end is a failure then the former is moot. How the relationship finishes is just as important as the ability to get it started. Edited September 7, 2014 by Darren2013
Author Darren2013 Posted September 25, 2014 Author Posted September 25, 2014 The top 9th way to conceal interest is to never talk about your crush to anyone. Don't mention their name and don't ask about them to anyone. If coworkers or mutual friends being their name up in conversation pretend that you were not paying much attention to what they are saying about your crush or change the subject. I have implemented this one. I have been reading online about some of the obvious signs that a guy has a crush on a woman in order to learn that I need to do the exact opposite of those signs. One of the signs is asking about his crush to other people when she does not show up to work. I do the opposite of that and pretend like I don't care and that I am not keeping tabs on what she is doing or why she didn't work that day.
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