I don't know what to make of this

[infamousma]

So I have known my ex for about 3 years and this was a long distance relationship. We originally started out as friends and we talked A LOT and she always came to me for advice on guys and other problems. Eventually she started getting feelings for me, I can say I did develop some feelings towards her, and I could feel this and also feel that we could have started dating earlier but I was hesitant on the distance part since it would be my first long distance relationship. Anyways we soon started dating and dated for a good 9 months or so, we had our ups and downs like most typical relationships. Now I am her first ever real relationship and is the first guy she ever had sex with. There was one point int he relationship that we "kinda" broke up because of a trust issue between us, but we had decided to look past it and keep moving forward. At points of the relationship, I felt that I wasnt really into it or her as much as she was and kind of almost wanted to find a way out that wouldnt hurt her. But I kept on with the relationship and I enjoyed it and her company and the love I was getting. What ended our relationship was that after I had visited her for two weeks and I had met her closest cousins and aunt, we broke up a week later because she told me that she had kissed a friend at a house party. She told me she was sober and that her friend was kind of egging it on slowly and it just happened. She told me she made nothing of it and she felt nothing for the guy. So we had talked about it and I felt bummed but I wasnt really hurt about it because a part of me still wanted to keep dating her but I made the decision to end the relationship. I know leading up to this, I could tell something was different as our texts with each other weren't all lovey dovey and such.

 

But we kept talking like normal after the break up and it felt like in time we could have gotten back together because we talked about it and talked about what we didnt do, which mainly was what I didnt do. For example I guess the reason she kissed the guy was because she didn't get that security from me that I still loved her and such. She was telling me that she supposedly asked questions to me about what I thought of the relationship and that she hinted to things. But i told her that everythign was fine and she need not worry and that she can't hint things to guys because we will not get them. That she needs to communicate her feelings and say whats on her mind. I had stressed to her communication, but her reasoning was that she didn't want to be that nagging girlfriend to ask and tell things, that apparently I should already know and do these things. At one point I kinda fully ended things because I didn't just want to be just friends as we were talking like normal and I guess I was just impatient. So I kind of gave the ultimatum to be together or no friendship and she took the no talking friendship route. I would later go against my word and was bothered in my sleep about it so I texted her when i woke up and I guess I pushed things to much as I let my emotional state just take over and I turned into that needy pushy whiny wanting bish trying and wanting to get back with her. To add upon that, I had also posted a status on my facebook about women expecting to much from men and that communication is key and that hinting things to us isnt a game of pictionary. She took that as a direct comment against her which I was not thinking at the time and we got into another arguement because of it. She said that it somehow annoyed her and it was just bad timing. I started talking to a lot of friends for advice and venting and decided that I would do the no contact. I did that for a couple of days before I broke my own NC rule and sent one final apology. She had replied and we had talked via text for about an hour or so just about how we were doing and how she would not try to work on this friendship, it didn't feel right to talk to me, and that she feels like she kinda moved on to figure out what she wants. "but yes it did really push me away. And yes it made me decide not to go back in that relationship any time soon."

 

We have kept somewhat talking since my supposed final apology text, but its very infrequent. As from our talks she has shifted her focus to a friend of a friend who she has hung out with before and talked to while she was talking with me and then ultimately dated me for the last 9 months. I just don't know what to make of this because parts of me says I should go back to NC and see what happens, no Im not doing this in hopes of getting her back, but it felt good to talk again and try to clear my last images of me being the needy wanting pushy whiny guy. She says she enjoys her talks with the new friend as they are just fun and not stressful nor does she talk about me. But I've also heard through mutual friends that shes been going out a lot drinking and in one instance told them "**** guys." Also at the same time she has limited my viewing of her facebook. Also she has talked to some of my close friends about me and the situation and they all told her to pretty much she needs to talk it out but I know her and she's pretty stubborn and has yet to do that. But out talks of right now are nothing special and just a couple replies here and there as I know that my time has gone to another person. I right now feel that I am more emotionally stable and back to normal and bettering myself with the new knowledge of what I didn't do. But from talks with our mutual friends and what they have told me about her, it seems that maybe shes not fully recovered like I and is just hiding her true emotional state by going out a lot with friends and replacing me with another boy that she supposedly enjoys the fun convos.

 

What do I make of these talks and should I just go back to the NC rule? I feel that I have again accepted everything and could move on but at the same time I do enjoy talkign to her and retaining my image of the guy she first started talking to and going to for advice and problems

Edited August 22, 2014 by infamousma
Full story and more detailed

[54JA]

My suggestion to you is that, if you truly care about her, don't contact her. You mentioned that you suspect she is not recovering as quickly as you did. By going out and talking with friends, she is doing the best she can to move on. Going out (including a rebound guy) with people is one of the many stages of healing people engage in, whether it's healthy or not. She probably figured that it's better than sitting at home and sulking by herself. Talking to you will make moving on that much more difficult and painful for her.