RainRain Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) I know all three -- Dear Husband, Dear Wife and The Wife's Cousin. We live and hang out in an island in the Southern Philippines. The Wife's Cousin (TWC) is separated and has been spending a lot of time at the home of her cousin, Dear Wife (DW). The Dear Husband (DH) regularly throws drinking get-togethers at home for his buddies where he can show off his good Scotch. Because she's the DW's cousin, TWC gets invited to join these get-togethers and on occasion, TWC has even cooked fancy meals like Singaporean Hainanese Chicken and Spanish Paella for the DH and his friends. After some time, people began to notice that TWC was spending more time with the DH and his friends, even if his DW was not around or had left the get-together. This week, TWC went with the DH and his guy friends to go diving at a resort. The DW was not with them. After spending one night at the resort, everyone prepared to go home. This was when the DH said that he and TWC would stay behind and spend a second night at the resort. Everyone knew what that meant. We live in a small city, a provincial one, and affairs get talked about all the time. I've gossiped as well. But now, the affair involves my friends and a good person like the DW. I don't know if it's my place to tell her because while we're friendly, we're not best friends. She will eventually find out and probably realize that I knew what was happening and didn't tell her. As a woman, what I know has me torn up inside. It's not fair to the DW. And I hate the indiscretion of TWC and the DH because we have a lot of common friends in a small city and I cannot avoid seeing what they're doing behind his DW's back. I'm sorry if I'm using this forum to vent. But maybe one of you can give me advise. Obviously, the DW trusts her cousin, and if the DW has noticed something, she has probably brushed it aside because it's about her husband and her cousin. Edited August 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and move to Friendship forum Link to post Share on other sites
Hardgrind Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Based on the details included in your post, I suspect your post is not really asking for advice, but will be used to alert the DW to what is going on. I apologize if I am misreading this. Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Rain -------------------- Shhh - quiet -- zip it -- stay clear hope you take the advice you don't need to approve of it - but it's not for you to say you will get ZERO out of saying anything Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Do you have any ambitions for either reconciling, or leaving this situation entirely? Link to post Share on other sites
painfullyobvious Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 In these situations the messenger almost always gets shot. If you want to get involved talk with the people who are cheating and tell them to knock it off. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverTainted Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I would tell. Or just express concern. Your not literally going to get shot so what is a little being put out? If you had your So cheating on you and u found out how would you feel to know a bunch of people knew and yet no one told you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I would find a way to slip the fact that her husband and cousin stayed an extra night into conversation. Like if you came back on Thursday night and they came back on Friday night, say "It's a good thing your husband didn't try to drive home when we did, because traffic was horrible." ...or something else to that effect. That way, if she doesn't know and wants more info, she can ask about it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Is it possible to tell one of the cheaters that their behavior makes you uncomfortable and address it that way? I would hang with people doing what they are doing. I'd rather be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 What I would do is decline all invitations until TWC packs her bags and leaves. Chances are the wife will figure it out on her own. Just stay clear of them so no one can blame you for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Why isn't the cousin with the wife- her relative? Why was she even at these guys get togethers anyway? I'm surprised none of the husbands friends said nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
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