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Sleeping together... just sleeping

Kid_Charlemange

By Kid_Charlemange
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Priv Established Member

Priv

Posted
Posted

This

 

 

If I was attracted to a woman, I could no more not have sex in bed together the first time than a bear could resist gulping down a pot of honey.

 

Plus this

 

 

I don't see how a woman asking you to share their bed is clearly saying 'no'. A woman has every right to say 'no' but this does not exclude the expectation that she has an actual brain.

 

 

Is in my opinion a very dangerous way of thinking as in date rape waiting to happen. Woman says no, not yet ready to have sex with you, but you are welcome to sleep in my bed you ought to be content with that.

 

 

In contrast...it is unusual for a male to be so passive and content to just 'sleep' with a woman.

 

 

Which is actually far from unusual, but sane behaviour.

  • Like 2
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

I think "just sleeping" is ok when there's not one person wanting/expecting more...

 

Not sure if the OP was doing it cuz he was on the 'outs' and the women he wanted to be with were taking advantage of him...cuz, IMO, women to get their emotional needs met don't necessarily have to have the actual act of sex. We women can get satisfied from interactions with family, friends, guys giving us flowers, hugging us - etc.

 

So, when a woman gets a all night snuggle and a guy goes home with blue balls - IMO, is not cool...especially when the chick has no intention of dating the guy or things are over between them.

CrystalCastles Established Member

CrystalCastles

Posted
Posted

Like Crystal, it actually makes me value and respect a guy more if he's able to appreciate all aspects of a R, including emotional intimacy in and of itself. But different women will view this in different ways.

 

Yep! It also shows that the man can control his urges and not think with his penis only. That's manly to me.

 

It really depends on the stage a relationship is at. At some point, sex is appropriate, but to me, early on it isn't. My boyfriend was raised to be a man who treats women with respect. He is able to control his urges and think with his head. Its a very disrespectful and entitled way of thinking that just because your girlfriend is in your bed, that automatically means she's going to have sex with you...because that isn't true and that's only what horny little boys think, not men.

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

As others have stated...we are adults. Healthy men and women have sex. If I was attracted to a woman, I could no more not have sex in bed together the first time than a bear could resist gulping down a pot of honey. I'd have to get up and play with myself a few times during the night.

 

This is YOUR definition of healthy. To me, everyone is different, and all that really matters is compatibility.

 

To me, the bolded would be much more of a ringing alarm bell than the guy respectfully giving me the prerogative to choose when we have sex. Some of us value someone who not only has a healthy body, but also the mental capacity to control their urges and give consideration to their partner's timeline. Believe it or not, it's quite common in some cultures to share a bed before you have sex. People being different from you does not make them any 'less healthy'.

 

It's really just a case of different strokes for different folks. I don't judge you for doing what you do (as long as you don't cross the line into actually raping a woman). Some reciprocation would be nice. ;)

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

For me, sharing a bed overnight with a woman means that we are going to have sex, or things are progressing that way.

 

I will only share a bed with a woman if we are at least in the heavy make out stage. Even then for me, it's not a pleasant experience to make out with a girl and then try to fall asleep while her body is pressed against mine without some form of sexual activity.

 

If I haven't even kissed the woman, one of us is on the couch depending on where we are.

CrystalCastles Established Member

CrystalCastles

Posted
Posted
Why? It is healthy, natural for a man to want sex. It is not some aberration to want to ....a woman who invites you into her bed.

 

In contrast...it is unusual for a male to be so passive and content to just 'sleep' with a woman. Girlfriends might share a bed...or I might share one with my brother.

 

Yes, its healthy and natural for a man to want sex! Nothing wrong with that.

 

Its unhealthy to expect it though. Maybe the woman isn't ready for sex yet. Are you really saying that respecting her boundaries and NOT having sex with her is unhealthy?

 

And believe me, a man respecting his woman's boundaries does not make him passive. It means he is treating his woman as a human being, rather than a blow up doll put on this earth for his pleasure.

Supernatural Established Member

Supernatural

Posted
Posted (edited)
But in bed! I am a confident male with a healthy sexual need and expectation. It may not be intercourse but will certainly involve some type of physical intimacy. Then we can cuddle and sleep.

 

Just because you don't have sex while in a bed in the beginning stages, does not mean you're not a confident male without a healthy sex drive.

 

And to expect anything is silly. What if she doesn't want to progress, or doesn't trust you and you're laying in a bed? Are you the guy I hear about who pouted that he didn't get his root pulled; laying there with an awkward boner?

 

Guy: "Mmm C'monnn"

Girl: "mmmMm... Not yet"

Guy: "Why not?!"

Girl: "Let's wait.. Its... Better"

Guy: "How about a little rubbing"

Girl: "Soon"

----Girl places guys balls in mason jar---

Girl: "I'm gonna go get some water, do you want anything?"

Guy:*mumbles* a blowjob.... "No. I'm good."

---Girl places jar under sink----

---Guy rubs his jeans...---

 

 

 

I don't try and chase her for sex... Nibbling at the bit to unhinge her bra on the 3rd date. She's usually the one chasing me and dying for it; because it is a nice secret weapon to wait...

 

Girl: "OHMYGOD I WANT YOU! F*CK ME ALREADY!"

Me: "Hmph. okay."

---Has Sex----

Me: :cool:

Girl: WOW! AMAZING. I've wanted to do that since the first date.

Me: :cool:

Me: "I'm hungry."

Girl: "do you want me to make you a sandwich?"

Me: No crusts.

Girl: :love:

Edited by Supernatural
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
Yes, its healthy and natural for a man to want sex! Nothing wrong with that.

 

Its unhealthy to expect it though. Maybe the woman isn't ready for sex yet. Are you really saying that respecting her boundaries and NOT having sex with her is unhealthy?

 

And believe me, a man respecting his woman's boundaries does not make him passive. It means he is treating his woman as a human being, rather than a blow up doll put on this earth for his pleasure.

 

I hear ya ^^, but IMO, women sometimes want guys to play "mind reader" when women know that many men think that lying in bed with someone will result in sex - and that doesn't mean he's a pig...It just means that's the behavior learned in society. Now, if a guy gets into a bed with a woman and she is clear with her "No" and he forces himself on her, then yeah he's a jerk.

 

But seriously, women need to stop putting themselves in situations and then calling men pigs or getting hurt if they meet a guy who does something bad and actually rapes them.

 

Let's say I'm meeting a guy for the first time on a first date - especially if I met him online - I'm not inviting him up for a coffee or drink after our date. I'm especially not inviting him to pick me up at my home - it's just common sense ladies.

  • Like 1
Supernatural Established Member

Supernatural

Posted
Posted
But IMO, women sometimes want guys to play "mind reader".

 

I love that game. I always have so much fun.

 

 

Time:10:47pm

Location: Our Place

--Girlfriend is in kitchen making hot chocolate. Opens cupboard. Sees no marshmallows. :mad:-----

Girl: "Hey, Super... Where are the pretty little colored marshmallows I love, that I asked you to pick up? You know I love those - they remind me of my childhood."

--Me in living room playing game on iPad---

Me: "Uhhhh, you didn't tell me to pick up marshmallows this morning, Hun."

Girl: "Uh, duh, babe! Ya I did. I may have not told you. Bu I thought it. In my mind."

Me: "Oh. Ok. right... My bad."

Girl: "The pillow and blankets will be on the couch waiting for you tonight when you get home from the grocery store."

Me: "But the couch gets so cold in the middle of the nig--"

Girl: "Well, next time use your head!"

-- Girlfriend storms away---

Me: :(

-- I drive to grocery store in -40 weather for colored baby marshmallows.--

irc333 Established Member

irc333

Posted
Posted

I tend to agree. I've shared a bed with a woman for a while...cuddling...she at least let me feel her boobs a bit though initially, lol...but that's it...eventually it came to past on the third go around to take it to the next level.

 

Believe it or not, the very last woman I dated....got a bit more aggressive with me than I had expected ( we were fooling around)...I hesitated a bit as I was wanting to be careful upon "insertion" as I didn't have a condom and she had said prior that she's paranoid of getting pregnant, but she said she intended on not doing that anyway...but she saw the expression on my face because for just a moment, I thought she was going to 'stick it in" when I wasn't ready.

 

For, some reason that looked turned her off, and she got off me and laid away from me and didn't want me to get near her. I explained the situation and by the time I was ready to go again, she was not.

 

I think she got the female version of "blue balls", but I was just trying to be responsible. Her insecurities got in the way. She got over it eventually though.

 

This is YOUR definition of healthy. To me, everyone is different, and all that really matters is compatibility.

 

To me, the bolded would be much more of a ringing alarm bell than the guy respectfully giving me the prerogative to choose when we have sex. Some of us value someone who not only has a healthy body, but also the mental capacity to control their urges and give consideration to their partner's timeline. Believe it or not, it's quite common in some cultures to share a bed before you have sex. People being different from you does not make them any 'less healthy'.

 

It's really just a case of different strokes for different folks. I don't judge you for doing what you do (as long as you don't cross the line into actually raping a woman). Some reciprocation would be nice. ;)

TigerLilly78 Established Member

TigerLilly78

Posted
Posted
Has worked for me before.

 

Even a girl who initially didn't want to get laid has a right to change her mind once she's turned on.

 

A girl has a right to change her mind, no?

 

 

I girl also has a right to have her wishes respected the 1st time around if you cant do that then you should decline the offer to share the bed in the 1st place. Sorry in my opinion NO means just that NO..no further pressure should be applied.

 

Not to mention also its dangerous ground for a guy far as date rape is concerned I could see it easily leading to that even if you think she was into it..why even put yourself in the situation just to get laid?

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