mishka329 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) My ex boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years. He bought us a house about 8 months in or so, and we lived together for a few months even after breaking up. Only a couple months after moving in together, he unexpectedly lost his twin sister. Over the course of the next year, he slowly but surely shut down emotionally, until I initiated the "talk". We both agreed that he was emotionally unavailable and that I deserve better. Unfortunately, we never could get a clean break since I didn't have the funds to move out on my own until 3 months ago. While living together, we still talked and hung out and flirted. One night he opened up and sobbed to me about how he missed his sister, and the we snuggled all night. But he made it clear still that we were not together, so I finally moved out. He helped me move and everything. He continued to text me and call me randomly for a few weeks. Before moving out, he had invited me to a club that meets every week, so we would see each other and hang out there. There, he proceeded to flirt with me a lot- play with my hair, touch my hips, tickle me. This is all in front of his family, too. And he even admitted that I really mean a lot to him, I'm invaluable so to say. I tried CN for a couple weeks, because I was confused and wanted that space for self reflection. But the past couple weeks we have talked and hung out at club. He has called me when his brother was in a car wreck, when his dog got hurt- he told me I could visit her at his house if I want. I told him I was there for him, of course. Two weeks ago, he flirted with me at our club and hugged me real right at the end of the night. Then I went on vacation. He texted me while I was there, talking about the house, and called me when I got back asking about paint colors, because I have an "artistic eye". Now the other night, while he was showing me pics of the house, a girl texted him and clearly I noticed. He told me later that he wanted me know, and from him, that he's dating someone. And he cares for me, doesn't want to hurt me, wants me to be happy. He said a lot changed once I moved out. And he said he does have feelings for me, but not romantic ones. He wants me in his life- wants to call me, wants to hang out sometimes, wants to support me, drive me to the airport, babysit my dog...etc. he "wants a fresh start or a clean slate" with me where we can build a new relationship- a friend one. He said it'd be hard and may hurt us as we figure out our new boundaries but it's worth it to him to go through that in order to be in my life. And he said it's up to me if I want that or don't, and he'll respect me if I can't because it hurts too much. But he'll be "waiting and hoping". All this, yet he's dating someone else? Although he said he was too messed up to date anyone? I'm confused. Am I a friend? Am I like a sister? Am I an acquaintance? I've never had that clean break yet, so perhaps NC is a good idea? To help me move forward and decide if I can be a "friend" or not. Is it too late for NC? It's been about 8 months, 3 since I moved out. Edited August 21, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 It's possible to be friends at some point, but not right now. After a relationship the reason NC is enforced is to get you to heal. You may still have feelings, or he might. NC is designed to sever every emotional connection you have until you're at a place where you are indifferent to what happens in their life. Such as suddenly dating someone else.
Recommended Posts