NeverGiveUp23 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 I’ve posted on here a few times but wanted to get everyone’s advice on my most recent update… We’ve been dating for almost 2 years. I’m 27, she’s 24. It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen my ex and she abroad for school for most of that. She’s back and I’ve had a couple low moments where I begged to stay in her life. After learning about this website, I started using NC here and there. Basically I would try not to contact her and when she would contact me I would be brief and or wait till the next day to answer. This went from me begging her to stay in my life to her contacting me more. Finally, she got upset that I wasn’t contacting her and we set up a dinner date to get together. She expressed some jealously over the fact that I went out and “something must of happened”. I think it was this that finally made her want to go on the date. I was so excited for the date and thought that we were finally getting back together. We would tell each other our feelings and try again. I picked her up and drove to the high end restaurant where we’ve always had a good time. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking for the first hour of being with her but soon started to realize that it felt like she was thinking this was a causal date almost with a friend. Soon I couldn’t hide the fact that this evening was turning out so much worse than I envisioned. I couldn’t take it anymore and finally came out and said it… “Do you see us getting back together??” I switched sides of the booth so i sat next to her as we spoke. She said that she doesn’t know and mentioned that she was interested in other people, saw our lives going different places- and didn’t know our plans lined up together. She said she’s not emotionally in the same place as me. She brought up issues from our past relationship (where I had all the power, she was jealous, I broke her trust and definitely wasn’t on the same page as of feelings) again, I told her how I felt… Saying I wanted to start a life with her and that I loved her. I started to hold her hand as I spoke, which she accepted. She said that the relationship has always been about me and that even now I was giving her the ultimatum of “do you want to be with me or not?” She took this as me being selfish. She said she needs “baby steps” and that yes we are on a date but asked why I couldn’t just have a nice dinner and not bring up these discussions. Why??? Oh because I haven’t seen you in two months, am desperate to find out what the hell is going on and can’t fake being happy when so much is running through my mind. I told her I can’t be just friends with her. I ended up driving her home, she wouldn’t kiss me… I don’t know if it’s because she’s seeing other people or what exactly. I tried to plan another date with her but she said she needed some time to figure things out. It seems the only time I get any positive emotions from her is when I ignore her. I think she just doesn’t want me to move on. I told her I would give her back her teddy bear but she told me to hold on to it. Another way for her to force me to hold on. Everyone, It’s not healthy for me to be in this middle ground -free for all kind of gray area with her. I need to either move on or get back together. All in all, i just want answers. The things she told me hurt me to the core. Interested in other guys… That crushed me. I’m planning on leaving her alone again and just wait for her to come to me. My friends and family think she’s being a cold hearted, selfish person and that I shouldn’t even want to be with someone who feels that way. She’s very different from when the person I fell in love with. What are your thoughts?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Stop going on dates with exes for one. She sees you as a "friend", this date, or friendly get-together, shows where you are in her eyes, which is nowhere on the romantic plane. If you don't want to be her platonic friend, then don't be. And don't be hanging out with her and talking with her until you truly couldn't care less of having her as a romantic partner, until your feelings are reset. This is a pretty straightforward situation -- she's just not that into you.
ThorntonMelon Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 What are your thoughts? So this is a tale of two people. You: I begged to stay in her life. me begging her to stay in my life I was so excited for the date and thought that we were finally getting back together. I switched sides of the booth so i sat next to her as we spoke. Saying I wanted to start a life with her and that I loved her. I started to hold her hand as I spoke am desperate to find out I tried to plan another date with her HER: upset that I wasn’t contacting her causal date almost with a friend doesn’t know interested in other people not emotionally in the same place as me needs “baby steps” not bring up these discussions she wouldn’t kiss me she needed some time to figure things out OK. So this is a freaking train wreck. She couldn't be more obvious and you're just not picking up on this. in this middle ground -free for all kind of gray area with her Not even a little bit, you are in a very clear black and white area with her. I need to either move on or get back together She's picked door #1. All in all, i just want answers She couldn't be more clear. You are willfully ignoring the obvious. wait for her to come to me. Good god no, you'll be waiting for quite some time. You need to start grieving the loss of the relationship and not wait for never. I apologize for the tone of this post. I know you're a good man who's devastated to the core and right now mentally insane with panic and grief and pain. But I am being rough to maybe try and shock you into seeing this as it is, because I don't want you to spend the next 6 months trying to see things as they are. Until you see things clearly you won't move on. Anyways, I wish you the very best because it is quite unfair that she is giving you hope where there is none, and I am sure someone who appreciates you is around the corner. 1
Recommended Posts