What does "Not settling" mean to you

[TB Rhine]

And no feminists I know think this way. As has been said here many times already. Sigh.

 

That's the problem in a nutshell. No one "knows any feminists who think this way," yet all the feminists making noise out there in the pop cultural sphere (the fembots on Jezebel, Thought Catalog, etc.) are saying exactly that. Guess they're just not the ones everybody knows.

 

*makes thoughtful face while contemplating this conundrum*

[OwMyEyeball]

Some people see settling as "giving up".

 

Others view it as "growing up" when they realize that the ideals of youth don't align with the realities of life. I can see that working when both partners are honest about who they are, what they want and how they feel. They are willing to create and nurture something bigger than themselves.

 

But maybe all of that is just another ideal.

[mightycpa]

What specifically would you not settle on?

 

what does not settling mean to you specifically?

 

If you continue "not settling" wouldn't you narrow the pool so much you keep staying single? ...Forever Alone...

 

Doesn't not settling mean you won't compromise?

 

If that is the case is that the reason you are single?

 

aren't relationships/ marriage compromising on wants and needs of parties?

 

In my humble opinion

 

It is reasonable to wants someone who respects you, is honest with you and doesn't cheat on you, and there is chemistry and mutual attraction.

 

But if a person has a list of what they won't settle on, That list basically disqualifies potential mates.

 

if you won't settle and other people won't settle How do y'all expect people to settle down together?

 

You know what is funny about love? You fall in love for no reason. It is never because that person is the best looking, the nicest, the smartest, the most considerate or the ultimate whatever. No matter what quality you pick, you'll find people who are better. You'll find people who have better combinations. But for whatever reason, the spark lands where the spark lands.

 

Over time, you inevitably find the things you don't like. Sometimes, there is at least one dealbreaker. Other times, it is the death of a thousand little cuts. But other times, there is nothing particularly wrong or bad about the person. You just don't have the right level of spark, admiration, desire, like, etc.

 

But they are a good provider, they **** like a porn star, they seem to be decent, stable and drama free. There's not much WRONG with them, even though you don't feel particularly compelled by them.

 

If you marry someone like this, you get all those attributes you mentioned, but there is something missing, something quite pedestrian about the person. It might work for you, even though you're not enthusiastic.

 

That's settling. NOT SETTLING means that in spite of all these good qualities I know that I like and see in this person, I can tell that person is not for me.

[missfelinefury0076]

Settling is when I choose to get involved with a person who I know doesn't meet my needs or who I will eventually hurt in the long run.

 

 

[No Limit]

Originally I thought settling would mean finding someone I love and click really well with, to share life and wonderful experiences with each other, and to grow from it.

 

Well, sadly the odds for that to happen seem terribly slim these days. There's too many distractions, so respect to any couple out there that is true to each other.

[Priv]

Scarlett Johansson. Anyone else is settling.

[salparadise]

It means hanging onto the delusion that love is about finding the right person rather than being the right person... that perfect people exist, and you are entitled to one... that prince charming is going door to door and all you have to do is hold out until he knocks on your door, certain that the glass slipper will fit. You won't settle but prince charming will?

Edited September 10, 2014 by salparadise

[RonaldS]

When I think of settling, I think of that seemingly desperate move of grabbing ahold of whoever comes along in some last ditch attempt to avoid being alone.

 

My cousin is a perfect example. He's a good looking guy, educated, intelligent, good career, etc. But two things conspire against him: a) he lives in a very small town, and b) he lacks social fluidity. We always hung out a lot while I was growing up, and once we got older, even though he was maybe better looking, had the money and the nice cars and the boat, I was the one who would easily get girls.

 

Well, once he was in his late 20s, most of his friends had gotten married, out of nowhere he starts dating this chick and very quickly, they got married. More than 15 years later, I still can't, for the life of me, understand why he married her. She's not intelligent. She's nice enough, I guess. But she's hardly thought provoking. She says the dumbest crap ever, and he doesn't even attempt to hide his disappointment and disgust. She's really overweight, and wasn't really that attractive to begin with. They don't really interact in a meaningful sense. It's very weird, and his sister is always telling me how awkward it makes everybody feel. I think it's hilarious, because it's not me.

 

The point is, he didn't think it through. He just new he had to get married. And from there followed a lifetime of lack of fulfillment, unhappiness, wishing for something else (he's had some inappropriate online relationships), regret, and so on. That's settling.

[ktya]

That's the problem in a nutshell. No one "knows any feminists who think this way," yet all the feminists making noise out there in the pop cultural sphere (the fembots on Jezebel, Thought Catalog, etc.) are saying exactly that. Guess they're just not the ones everybody knows.

 

*makes thoughtful face while contemplating this conundrum*

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

Of course, all feminists are the ultimate image of femininty, wearing flower print dresses while wielding the amazing feminine power that gives credence to the statement that the world is run by "rich old men and pretty young women". They are all nice and enmeshed in the beauty of sisterhood, helping their female sisters all acheive the best they can in life.

 

NOT.

 

In reality, self-described "feminists" are not unlike the Nazi gestapo. They will step on other women's faces in a rush to get "ahead" in some mundane argument or to get one up in a conversation. They will screw their best friend's boyfriend just because they can, and then ditch him because he was a jerk anyway. They will absolutely shred their "sisters" for whatever purpose suits their desires.

 

I saw a stand up comic do an act once. He looked around the room and said, "Do you know who is really, really mean to women?", and paused. His answer to his own question: "Women." And he was bang on correct.