Dante311 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I'm so baffled... Her and I have a history that I've posted elsewhere. This relationship has taken a new turn... in the negative direction. A few weeks ago she went out with guys (and a girl) from her intramural team. She's hung out with them outside of playing, a lot. A few guys are single... and it did bother me at first, but she told me to get over it. I convinced myself, trust until trust is taken away. Well, she went out. Things were fine. fast forward>>>> ...she goes out of country. We talk every day, she misses me and loves me. She comes home - everything is amazing. The night she's back, I'm studying in her room and she's asleep from jetlag. I am studying medicine. I'm busy as it is, but ALWAYS make time for her and have shown her how much I love her. I did mess up by flirting with an ex when my relationship with my current was bad about 2 years ago (and obviously was caught when my current snooped on my facebook - and yes, times were so bad with the gf that I stooped that low. She made me feel pathetic, inadequate, etc, etc and It was around the boston marathon bombing and I was a first responder - so I was experiencing PTSD). We had broken up for 2 weeks, but worked through it... Again, present day... my gf is sleeping. I go into the kitchen to make coffee and meet her new roommate. We talk and we became friendly (and I also found out my gf went salsa dancing that night she went out before she left overseas - and when I asked her about it she said she didn't dance, just watched), so I gave her my email. My gf found out and called me a sleaze, a liar, a ****head and dumped me and told me to get out of her life. In the heat of the moment... that salsa dancing night.. she lied to me. she did dance with the guy I've always been suspicious about and told me she had a lot of fun. I got mad she lied. Not that she danced with another man. Things went south. FAST. Now she's asking me to be decent and help her move into a new apartment this weekend. I gave in last night, but she needs more help tonight and this weekend. I'm kind of annoyed. I need permission to make friends with her roommate/s... (I have no more female friends and I'm off facebook btw)... but it's ok for her to go out with a bunch of guys from her intramural team... dance with one of them (who is goodlooking and single) and then rub it in my face she had fun.. only after lying about it? WHAT. THE. F. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE TO ANYONE WHO REPLIES WITH HELP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) ... I think I might go NO CONTACT starting, now. and I wouldn't say cheated, but "cheated". I don't know after al lthis, but I can only imagine now. Trust is GONE. Edited August 21, 2014 by Dante311 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 This relationship has taken a new turn... in the negative direction. . There isn't a new turn. This woman/relationship has always been a negative source in your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 There isn't a new turn. This relationship has always been negative addition to your life. Now that she admitted to lying has really put the mirror in my face. Ive been wearing "the goggles" until now... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Now that she admitted to lying has really put the mirror in my face. Ive been wearing "the goggles" until now... Hun, the emotional and mental abuse she subjected you to should have torn off those "goggles" a long, long time ago. Hopefully you're true to your word and you're done with this woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 If she needs help moving, tell her to have salsa guy help her. SHE dumped YOU! Therefore, she made the choice to have you out of her life. You give her exactly what she's asking for. You are not her friend or moving company. And boyfriends usually help out with stuff like that. You're not her boyfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Now she's asking me to be decent and help her move into a new apartment this weekend. I gave in last night, but she needs more help tonight and this weekend.. Grrr...when is this going to stop. Even at this point she wipes her feet on you. Enough already for christ's sake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Learn to say NO. Don't do anything for her anymore. Heal and move forward in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Natsu21 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 So she lied to you and went salsa dancing with a guy that's clearly interested in her, and you're the jerk? Dude, woman is controlling and insecure. Do yourself a favor and leave...GET OUT! Like JoJo. Wait, are you helping her move? Yeah...no. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Prepare for a virtual slap in the face if you help her move to her new apartment. Tell her to f!ck off and get help herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Every relationship requires two things. Communication, and trust. You can't have one without the other. The fact that the trust is gone should dictate your response. Friendships require the same thing. Hell people in your life in general. Do you honestly want someone who lies to you to be a part of your world? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 ....oh here we go again!! After the last time.... 2 weeks ago? She.... Dumped me again. This time after we got back together so I could help her move... Had me over at her new place every night and things were looking up. Took her out for her birthday to Avery nice place.... And spent. 100$ on a meal. We get home, we watch a movie and she tells me she's not feeling it. We're done. Again. I asked her if she's been using me... She replied yes. Wtf?!!?! I snooped on her Facebook.... It's not evidence but I'm suspicious. This relationship is toast... Link to post Share on other sites
W101 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 No matter how many times we all go through this, even when we've been happy on our own and built up our self confidence sky high, there's no wall high enough to defend against somebody like that, funny thing is, girls like this get very defensive when they come under criticism, they fold under the pressure and switch themselves off, most likely, she's expecting an onslaught of crap coming her way from you, it'll be completely justified to call her all the names under the sun, but I wouldn't if I was you, the biggest thing you could do would be to accept her decision and block her out of your life, and hey, if she wants back in, she has to fight for it. I know what your saying though, girls in the past have used me for stuff, it's real horrible to think that people actually do that, I've had one or two that accepted birthday presents and finished me the very next day, but you did all that for her because you care and you have a kind heart, what she gave you in return for your expense was a valuable lesson, picture say, you buy her a horse, the next day she leaves you, picture that horse and ride it to safety. We all come across a flake here and there, the world has all kinds of different people in it, out of 6 billion, you got a bad deal, time to let go of your anger, upset and whatever your feeling and find somebody who can appreciate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) It's been evident all along that you're a filler when she needs it. The whole thing with the move, people told you not to do it, you still went ahead. You knew deep down inside that she's a user and manipulator. You're surprised? I'm not sure why. You won't stop trying to please her because pleasing her is an opportunity for you to get her to love you and accept you. Until you realize that you love yourself more than to try and keep seeking validation from someone else in order for you to feel worthy, you're going to keep getting used and abused. This is not hard to comprehend, Dante. You've sealed your own fate with her. No woman is going to respect a man that has no respect for himself. She devalues you because she knows YOU see no value in yourself to stand strong against her. Women like her don't love weak men. They use them. Edited August 31, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) Going nc.... Day 1. I suspect she's cheating on me too... Or was. Doesn't much matter anymore, does it? Thanks. Sahara, w101.. Thank you. I appreciate it. Sahara, most of all I value your input. You've been following my story... My therapist told me he's not diagnosing her from my words but I should look into some mental illnesses. He told me I'm not innocent but my actions are normal given my circumstances. And I do have things to work on.... For a guy who doesn't lack qualities that would make a person insecure... I am fairly insecure now. Ugh Edited August 31, 2014 by Dante311 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I took a look to the previous discussions. I am guessing your therapist is hinting that she perhaps is a narcissist. I can only say, stay away from her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 how is it she can act like she doesn't care and she's moved on so easily? ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 how is it she can act like she doesn't care and she's moved on so easily? ugh Dante, she doesn't have a healthy, loving attachment to you. And from everything that you posted on here about her, I don't think she had "love" for you in the right sense of the word. It's easy to confuse toxicity for passion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lingo1 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 how is it she can act like she doesn't care and she's moved on so easily? ugh Sometimes they believe that everything their doing is right and then ur the jerk when in reality their the ones doing the worst possible things my friend leave i just got out of a relationship like that my ex girlfriend is now trying to make me jealous with the other girl but i am in NC so idc wtf she does with him her problem her lost take it step by step Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thanks guys... it's just so hard. I don't know how to be single anymore. She's being so cold... after 3 years of me being amazing to her and we were so close... suddenly... i'm useless to her. She used me this past week to help her move into her place... go to ikea.. and make sure she wasn't alone until she felt comfortable in the new place and settled. and bam.. now i'm gone. ugh Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thanks guys... it's just so hard. I don't know how to be single anymore. She's being so cold... after 3 years of me being amazing to her and we were so close... suddenly... i'm useless to her. She used me this past week to help her move into her place... go to ikea.. and make sure she wasn't alone until she felt comfortable in the new place and settled. and bam.. now i'm gone. ugh So the real question is, whose at fault here. yeah she has her warts and faults but you keep going back for more. The philosopher George Santayana had a quote. "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it" I think he was talking about you so now you learned your lesson. Stop all contact with her. If she calls, tell her to stop, if she continues let her know that she's a liar a cheat and you want nothing to do with her because you can do a lot better than her. Maybe if she hears that she'll know that your serious about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 it's just so hard. I don't know how to be single anymore. Don't know how to be single? So you're telling me that you'd rather be abused and used so you can be with someone than to just be alone and at some point attain emotional freedom, peace and your self-worth? At this point while suffering the pain, it has to be much tolerable than the abuse you've been putting up with. And don't make it seem like she suddenly became this way. This has been going on. There is nothing amazing about a relationship if the outcome is a damaged sense of self. I believe you're romanticizing it all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dante311 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Don't know how to be single? So you're telling me that you'd rather be abused and used so you can be with someone than to just be alone and at some point attain emotional freedom, peace and your self-worth? At this point while suffering the pain, it has to be much tolerable than the abuse you've been putting up with. And don't make it seem like she suddenly became this way. This has been going on. There is nothing amazing about a relationship if the outcome is a damaged sense of self. I believe you're romanticizing it all. You're right. She told me she doesn't love me... she love parts about me. ha now what? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 now what? Cut off your BPDer ex and not speak to her ever again? Link to post Share on other sites
CDRdelta Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Now that she admitted to lying has really put the mirror in my face. Ive been wearing "the goggles" until now... I know exactly what you mean. It always hurts more when you're putting in more effort than they have and you're still perceived ad the bad guy. It's her loss. She's a hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
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