yessy21 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 Hey you guys.... im dealing with a lot of anxiety lately. I started dating my bf a couple of months ago. we hit it off instantly. we have been in a relationship for a couple of months... and im positive that im falling in love with him. But this is different. I'm scared. I was with someone for almost two years before him and I knew I wasn't in love with that person but I cared for them. (I broke it off because it wasn't going anywhere... and he changed and became this mean human being.) he already said he loves me but that's not what im worried about. I felt this way only one time in my life... and I was destroyed when that person hurt me. I don't want to feel that pain again. I suffered so much. I don't want to suffer like that again. Personally since I suffer from bursts of depression. I guess I didn't think I would really feel that way ever again. I was wrong. you CAN fall in love again. it will take years... (7yrs for me). but it will happen. I know I should just go with the flow... but my heart sings... literally... and when we are together... which is almost everyday... I feel home. I cant help it. Has anyone ever been through this... if you did... how did you cope? what happened with the relationship? I know he really likes me because of the way he stares at my eyes when we are sitting down or talking. he calls me his best friend. so im guessing I must be special to him. Im too old for this Shizzz.
Mr Scorpio Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 How do you cope with being in a relationship with someone you love and someone who loves you? Or rather, how do you protect yourself while in a relationship with someone you love and who loves you? I don't think you can. I don't think that is how love works. Love is all or nothing. Either you let go of your fear -- knowing that your new partner is highly likely to hurt you in some way sooner or later -- or you aren't giving your all to the relationship. When will you let go of the fear if not now? After seven more years? 1
Author yessy21 Posted August 21, 2014 Author Posted August 21, 2014 I feel so helpless not being able to control being in love. I guess your right. My all or nothing. He was kind of mad yesterday about us not communicating correctly... he thought that I was upset about something which I was but he said... you need to tell me when you are upset.... don't act like nothing is wrong... I need to trust you. I felt so bad. how do I tell him... im upset because im in love with you... and Im afraid your going to break my little freaking out heart. im going to just give in and hope for the best... while I expect the worst.
preraph Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 I think what you have now is anxiety. I get that there's some logic to it, fear of getting hurt. No one likes to get, but we all get hurt and most of us rebound from it. It takes us varying amounts of time. Trust is a big hurdle as well, but it's something you must have until there's reason not to, meanwhile trusting your instincts to give you an early warning. If you have anxiety, I really think maybe going to a regular family doctor and telling him how anxious you are might help and maybe get some medication for anxiety. Anxiety medication usually works really well and it's not high risk and can probably shorten this period of trepidation about dating. It's true you may be changed forever by your experiences, as many of us are, but you cannot let that stop you from getting back out there and living life. In the end, it's not the things we did that haunt us but the things we didn't do. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 I feel so helpless not being able to control being in love. I guess your right. My all or nothing. He was kind of mad yesterday about us not communicating correctly... he thought that I was upset about something which I was but he said... you need to tell me when you are upset.... don't act like nothing is wrong... I need to trust you. I felt so bad. how do I tell him... im upset because im in love with you... and Im afraid your going to break my little freaking out heart. im going to just give in and hope for the best... while I expect the worst. im going to just give in and hope for the best... while I expect the worst. dont expect anything.......to expect the worst doesnt prepare you for the worst......what really does prepare you for the worst times....are the good times and the good in people......whatever you go through you know its just a hurdle......that good times can and have happened and they will happen again........if you didnt have bad times you wouldnt truly appreciate the good...its all a balance...dont expect the worst..forgive the worst.......remember the best.. i have faced some really stuffed up things...physically mentally and emotionally......and every time i get hurt i think damn was not expecting that from them or him or her......because i see the best in people in life and in love.....so i get hurt......but then i recover......because i know the good.......and i forgive the worst........i concentrate on that in me and in others......and i bounce through...sometimes a little lopsidedly but i still bounce some times its a slow bounce.....depends on how deeply i was affected..... ......part of love is allowing yourself to be hurt but to not expect it(wait for it in other words).....just know everyone gets hurt at some time....some more than others.... .....and appreciating when its the opposite ...when you feel warm and safe and cosy...go back to that time of warmth adn smiles....and laughs.....good times........and remember the best,also be the best you can be for him and for you....thats all you have to do ...............deb
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