arlington Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 I am in a situation where I am interested in a guy who obviously has a little too much control in our relationship. I have exerted myself and tried the "don't return phone calls immediately" sort of thing, but I can never seem to gain the upper hand and sometimes he is a bit selfish. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions on how I can gain some control back. Its not that I am a control freak, but I would at least like to level the playing field. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated :-)
nicki Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 yup, i know what you mean. there has to be equal power on both sides. how to get there? honestly, playing the little games that say i'm busy don't work because your attitude will give you away. guys are smart! they know when we are doing this stuff! but when you are really busy, then you won't be so available...even if you are just painting your toe nails...darn, you're busy... it also helps to be a bit more vague when talking to him. don't ask him a million questions about stuff, and don't explain the heck out of everything yourself. when you talk, keep it real, share thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc...but don't talk for hours every night. get off the phone after 10-15 minutes. always show him you are interested, be positive, but you gotta go right now....get it? soon you really will feel like you've got a life, because you do...and let him pursue you bit. he can make plans to see you a couple of times. then you can offer something. restoring power really just means feeling your own power, in my opinion. good luck!
Author arlington Posted March 1, 2005 Author Posted March 1, 2005 I like the way you think! ;-) Thanks I will certaiinly begin putting that to work! Thanks for replying and giving me your advice! :-)
maomao Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 i just read your post and realised that, its the root of my issue (see post mao mao) its all about feeling in control. unfortunatly in my previous relationship i was the one in control. which at the same time isnt great as your not pushed in any way. s o my advice if i can give any is this: be assertive, be sexy, dont be needy, by that i mean when you see an obvious opportunity to gain control take it, dont feel that if you do he will instantly fall out of love with you. always be fair dont be overly cold in the wrong situation as this will lead to you having to back down and admit your insecurities. best of all you know when you catch yourself in the mirror looking sexy, well imitate those positions infront of your man, and he will be your puppy. thats when you gain sexual control. when you feel and act sexy he will fall over himself to be yours. x
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