Firecadman Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Hello, this is my first ever post in a relationship type forum, so please be patient with me... Personally, I have been single for nearly ten years. And for most of that time was spent tending to my parents health needs, etc.... But now things have cleared up for me. Now the girl I have been close to this family for nearly 20 years. I've always refered to them as my brothers & sisters. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I am close to all of them. But one of them, I'll call her Sandy, I've always had a little crush on for years. Of course, I've always valued my friendship with her, so I just pass off my thoughts and feelings as just someone who is lonely sometimes... We'll recently, Sandy has been really opening up to me. For the past couple of weekends, we have stood up all night, talking and being really really open and honest with each other. I've even atmitted to her of an attraction I had/have for her. She says that she experiences many guys who are atractted to her and that she believes its her personallity that brings that on. Right now, Sandy is single with no one on the horizon any time soon. To be honest, I have never been so open and honest with a girl. No topic was off limits. It was really refreshing. And it was enlightening because we discovered what we already had kinda of known and that is we share the same beliefs, thoughts and feelings about life...to the point where we agree that we may have been together in a previous lifetime...Soulmates so to speak... I asked where all this came from, and she said that right now she just needs to see me more as a friend that as a family member. We have never been physical. Actually she is very critical of her "personal space". and I have always respected that, say for the occasional hug or embrace. But I have told her that I love her, and that I will always love her, regardless... She loves me too and says that right now, I am one of the most important men in her life. The problem is that now I can't get her out of my mine. She says that my friendship with her is way too precious for her see me more than friends. But we connect on some many levels. My mind says that I just need to get out and meet more girls and that this will fall back into it's proper perpective, but right now, all I can do is think that there is more to what she is saying than meets the eye. Don't get me wrong, she has not done anything to "attract" me in any other way...But I have never experienced this level of open-ness with any other of my girl friends. and she is very beautiful... I just can't get her out of my mind. To me, we will continue to be "soulmates" but friends, but what if we are meant to be more.... Sorry for the rant. I appreciate any response or questions.
bluechocolate Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 I've even admitted to her of an attraction I had/have for her. She says that she experiences many guys who are attracted to her and that she believes its her personality that brings that on. .....she said that right now she just needs to see me more as a friend that as a family member. She says that my friendship with her is way too precious for her see me more than friends. This girl is making it very clear to you that she is not interested in anything more than a friendship with you. Clearly she knows how you feel about her, therefore I think she is playing a bit of a game (maybe she doesn't even know it) by continuing to be so "open" and "honest" with you. Your infatuation with her is probably feeding her ego & she likes that feeling. (don't we all??) If she really cared for you she would know that she needs to back off. She would know that she needs to lessen your personal time together. So what you need to do is really care for yourself and back off from her. Lessen your personal time together. My mind says that I just need to get out and meet more girls and that this will fall back into it's proper perspective, Listen to your head. but right now, all I can do is think that there is more to what she is saying than meets the eye. however, We have never been physical. Actually she is very critical of her "personal space". Sorry mate, but given what this girl has been telling you (read the first three lines again) and this business about her "personal space"....... but this is the real clincher for me: She says that she experiences many guys who are attracted to her and that she believes its her personality that brings that on. She's messing with you, but like I said earlier - I'll give her the benefit of the doubt & say that it may not be intentional. Regardless of her intentions the end result will be the same. For your sake and sanity - move on.
Author Firecadman Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 After some long thoughts, I finally opened up to her and told her EVERYTHING...The approached I felt most comfortable with was the honest one...I need to let go of this attraction to her...I told her that exactly... She was excited initially, cause by bringing it up, we were dealing with it...I told her how I had these feelings put away in a nice little place in my heart, but that these recent get togethers have indeed stirred up these emotions... After some discussion, I told her that sometimes the emotions become overwhelming, and that I feel the need to "chill" and NOT be soo close to her...She asked me if this is what I need... After some thought I told her that by "chilling" for a period of time, I'm not dealing with these emotions, but rather I was just putting them away for the time being... No, I needed to deal with them, on my own, and that our friendship ultimately was the thing most important to me...but I did tell her, that if I did need to, I wanted to have that option availiable, to "chill" so to speak, if I needed to... I expressed my sexual frustrations to her...I admitted to "checking her out" sometimes, and that there were times where she caught me, and that totally made me feel guilty, and perhaps, this lead to some ackwardness on my behalf... She admitted sensing something that she could not figure out...She admitted that sometimes, she did feel uneasy around me cause she could tell that something was going on inside me... She even admitted to feeling guilty about not recepricating at times I was looking for attention, affection or suffering thru a loss looking for comfort...(this caught my attention at first as...She did think about IT...) She always maintained her distance from me physically because of all that...As a result, her boundries toward me are pretty fat, for lack of a better description... She could not understand why I still felt this way after I have knocked down so many barriers to become "family" to her and her brothers and sisters...I just acknowleded that I've always had put her on a pedastol (sp?) and that I guess I was hoping, even if my chances were but 1% chance of happening...but that I was hoping for something... I expressed that this 1% percent of hope was based on my belief that Love should not any bounds, and that some of the best relationships began as great friendships...And many guys do have this belief... I needed to know as well what exactly did these get togethers meant to her...She said that sometimes, as friends or even extended family members, we could go thru life without really ever know a person, and that there is a slight fear that previous opinions of that persons may be somewhat dumbfounded... But that with me, all these things, especially this discussion, just reinforced what she already felt and that she too found it especially refreshing to be able to be soo open and honest with a man, and that she found it fascinating to see that I would process thoughts and feelings much like she did, and that it was the perfect situation to see if this friendship (no benefits) could evolve even further... Overall, she said she loves me, but more as a brother than anything else...She expressed her unease whenever I did talk about her in a romantic way, saying she felt like one of her brothers was telling her these things... It is now crystal clear how she feels about me...It is now up to me to LET GO of this attraction for her...I do not know if I will ever really see her as a sister to me, but at least I won't be bottling up all these feeling inside... I'm sure she will have to find some comfort in knowing that I will address there things rather than try anything...To me that would be and insult to her, and now, with her knowing, would be TOTALLY out of line... I do love her very much as a friend, she is that important to me, and I know soon, I will be okay... But for the time being, I do have some time to process all this...I hoping that, as a man, I could put my ego and desires aside, and realize that not many people can have such strong a friendship with a woman that can stir my pot so to speak... I post this, not as advice or as a lesson...Just to let people know, that honesty with your friend, FWB or other is important, but honesty with one's own self is the most important...If you do not check yourself, and realize what your real intentions are, then any conversations you plan on having with that "other" could lead to more problems... Thank You All and I hope I can continue to visit a maybe be able to offer my two cents from time to time...
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