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Suspicions am i going mad?

Hoiahoi

By Hoiahoi
in Infidelity

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

If I had to guess (and that's all this is)...

 

I'd say that she may have been having an affair that went south (either on its own or due to your confrontation) and your wife has ended it and decided to recommit to the marriage.

 

I do find it interesting that you're already talking forgiveness when she hasn't even admitted to an affair, made an apology, or asked for forgiveness. You have the cart before the horse, sir.

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DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

Posted
Posted
I certainly very much dislike that thought but because i love my wife i am willing to work things out.

 

A month has passed since i confronted my wife about the suspicions i was having.

I took the advice's mentioned and stopped pushing the issue, also i started acting very confident and slightly cocky but in a subtle way not to overdo it.

 

A couple things have changed since then, i certainly do not see any of the signs that i used to before so my gut says everything looks fine.

If there was something going on its not anymore.

 

The most noticeable change is in our sex life, it got better in quality and quantity. My wife actually started initiating numerous times last month, which was rather new in this quantity. I think she initiated more times than in the last 4 months. She also doesn't find excuses not to have sex anymore.

 

She did not complain or nag about anything and is not critical about me anymore.

Usually she used to be tired when coming home from work but thats not the case anymore and she seems more vital. We did some lifestyle changes as well so that could be contributed to that.

 

At some point i nonchalant told her that it seems to me that since our confrontation our relationship seems to have improved. To which she responded that it must be because my perception changed and to her our relationship always has been good.

 

But the truth is that it didnt really she doesnt know that i performed the semen test and that this was the main concern that actually pushed me to believe that she was unfaithful.

 

Not to long ago she asked me if i got suspicious again because i asked her about her work schedule once, but i said, ah that's ridiculous i trust you why would you have been unfaithful if you have me and all that.

 

So i am saving to do a dna test on the sample i have i dont want to mention anything again until i have the results if the test indicates that the dna found does not match mine i will see how to proceed.

 

 

*Sigh* Before in our marriage i never used to be insecure but after doing the semen test i did very much feel that way. That changed though, love is not black and white and i understand people do have affairs, if she did i am able to forgive and work towards a better future. I still hope nothing happened but i am prepared for worst case scenario.

 

I really dont understand the changes in our sex life since the only changes that happened where the confrontation we had and my regained self confidence. But i was self confident before and our sex life wasnt that great.

However i must say that i try to be a better lover, and it seems to work.

Soooo.... i dont know if our improved sex life is due to my efforts or because someone else left the playing field.

 

I guess the dna test will bring a final conlusion

 

Option 3, she is throwing you off the trail. Everything she is doing on the outside looking in yells that she cooled it with her OM and will likely go deeper and get smarter. Get the VAR asap.

  • Like 1
Btrade Member

Btrade

Posted
Posted

Many affairs go dormant immediately after a failed confrontation. It will start back up in 3 to 8 weeks.

 

Next time do the evidence thing as suggested above with VAR and GPS and confront with crushing evidence. Until then. STOP accusing her.

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Buckeye2 Established Member

Buckeye2

Posted
Posted
Many affairs go dormant immediately after a failed confrontation. It will start back up in 3 to 8 weeks.

 

Next time do the evidence thing as suggested above with VAR and GPS and confront with crushing evidence. Until then. STOP accusing her.

 

Yes, more than one method of proof is much better. She will find some way to dismiss or explain away one because she has to. Even the DNA. (Her mother folded her panties). Then hit her with another method.

goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted (edited)

Many BS's do this kind of thing. It's actually pretty standard. I wouldn't bother, I'd just walk as well, but this is their choice. And if the BS is interested in saving the marriage, this kind of thing is important.

 

First I've heard of a semen test though.

 

Edit: I apologize. I was referencing post #15

Edited by goodyblue
DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

Posted
Posted
Many BS's do this kind of thing. It's actually pretty standard. I wouldn't bother, I'd just walk as well, but this is their choice. And if the BS is interested in saving the marriage, this kind of thing is important.

 

First I've heard of a semen test though.

 

This isn't a shot at you, but you didn't just walk with the MM did you?

 

Its not that easy, thinking you know but not being sure. It was the worse time of my life. The search took all I had. That along with her crappy attitude made it easier to file without knowing. I then got a full confession. Honestly it would have always been with me had I never knew for sure.

 

At 13 or 14 I had a jr high relationship with the daughter of one of my moms good friends. My sister told me she kissed another guy at the swimming pool. Did she? I never knew. However, everytime I've seen her since it's the first thing that cross my mind, hell it was only a month maybe two that we dated and almost 30 freaking years ago. Just walking away is physically possible not mentally or emotionally.

BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

Not knowing the truth drove me mad. I had no interest in reconciling if she was still lying. Took me 8 months of hypervigilance to find out that was the case.

  • Like 1
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted
This isn't a shot at you, but you didn't just walk with the MM did you?

 

Its not that easy, thinking you know but not being sure. It was the worse time of my life. The search took all I had. That along with her crappy attitude made it easier to file without knowing. I then got a full confession. Honestly it would have always been with me had I never knew for sure.

 

At 13 or 14 I had a jr high relationship with the daughter of one of my moms good friends. My sister told me she kissed another guy at the swimming pool. Did she? I never knew. However, everytime I've seen her since it's the first thing that cross my mind, hell it was only a month maybe two that we dated and almost 30 freaking years ago. Just walking away is physically possible not mentally or emotionally.

 

I'm not offended at all. I understand your impulse, and the need to know, I was just saying I wouldn't do all of this. I feel if I have to babysit my guy, then I'm a babysitter not a partner and I don't want a relationship like that, which is why I would walk regardless.

 

Definitely not telling you that you did the wrong thing, you do what you need. I just wouldn't go that route, and I personally feel if someone has to go to these lengths to prove infidelity, the relationship is over, move on.

  • Like 1
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted
This isn't a shot at you, but you didn't just walk with the MM did you?

 

Its not that easy, thinking you know but not being sure. It was the worse time of my life. The search took all I had. That along with her crappy attitude made it easier to file without knowing. I then got a full confession. Honestly it would have always been with me had I never knew for sure.

 

At 13 or 14 I had a jr high relationship with the daughter of one of my moms good friends. My sister told me she kissed another guy at the swimming pool. Did she? I never knew. However, everytime I've seen her since it's the first thing that cross my mind, hell it was only a month maybe two that we dated and almost 30 freaking years ago. Just walking away is physically possible not mentally or emotionally.

 

And nope, we didn't just walk. Although, we did walk sometimes. As well as have dinner, go to shows, camp, visit museums, etc. et. al. We didn't just screw. We had a full relationship just like we do now and there were LOTS of times I would come home and would not have panties full of semen.

It just seems so excessive. But, I do understand the need to know. I just wouldn't go that route.

Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

Posted
Posted

You will be posting on here forever if you do not do the DNA test and get the VAR I and GPS on the car. It seems like you are looking for someone here to have a crystal ball and give you the answers.

Either you forget about it and move on or you do what you need to do to find out , whatever that is that needs to be done.

But do it now or you are going to drive yourself nuts.

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