Broke NC, mistake. !

[heartache25]

Damn, today is a bad day for me, a very bad day.

 

Even after reading all the advice for the last few weeks and other peoples advice. Last night i was drunk with friends and i went to her house. (2nd time ive just turned up at her house at 3am a little drunk)

 

I just miss her so much every day still, it hurts like crazy.

 

She let me in to her house, either way but wasnt happy to see me there again, (esp at that time).

 

I layed on her bed and just cuddled her for abit, she let me and it felt so good, my heart was pounding from out of my chest.

 

Now, she did say "It doesnt change anything" to which i said i know, tonight is a bad mistake from me, i am a weak person and my love, defeats me again.

 

Anyhow, we layed on her bed at 3am, just chatting, she was giggling about her new nephew while showing me on her phone, we talked about her work and how she is doing, we had a little giggle.

 

Then she said, "your going to have to go home" I said, yeah i know, ive did alot of research lately and i've come to terms with that i have to accept your feelings, i can not change them. And i telt her some quotes i read on here, (I lost some one who doesnt love me, you lost some one who loved you dearly"

 

Then burst into tears while cuddling into me, i had to stay strong at this point i felt. I said "Hey, hey, its ok now, you dont need to be upset anymore, look, i am not upset, why are you crying? it's ok stop crying. she said its very hard for her too, the breakup that has happend.

 

We cuddled until around 5am in bed, and just chatting about life.

 

We talked about how we thought went wrong in the relationship, from both sides.

 

But i made the mistake of telling her that i was on a forum, speaking with people to try help me through it (Mistake, cause i dont want her to read how hurt i am and how much i think of her.)

 

At around 5am i walked home, 15 min walk. she rang my mobile when i got home and said "Im just waking you up, like you woke me up (In a friendly voice) and she said, oh and im checking that site you said, which made me panic a little cause i dont want her to see it and how much i suck and im a loser.

 

I broke the NC rule and i'm back to day 1 of NC with her, im still blocked on my mob numbers and emails and social sites.

 

What is wrong with me?

 

and i had to lie to her about sending the first email, which hurt but i got scared when she replied to them emails but i just denied i sent her any emails. really sucks for me and i know it does for her too, i love her so much still and every day.

Edited August 22, 2014 by heartache25

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude.......

[heartache25]

All i have did is made myself look weak and desperate i know. i dunno what to do anymore. Back to day 1 of nc, damn.

[Simon Phoenix]

All i have did is made myself look weak and desperate i know. i dunno what to do anymore. Back to day 1 of nc, damn.

 

You need to do what you should have been doing from the jump -- nothing. No communication with her, no texting, no stopping by her house unannounced at 3 a.m. (you'll get the cops called on you eventually if you continue doing stuff like that), no checking up on social media, nothing. What you are doing isn't the romantic pangings of a star-crossed lover -- it's toeing the crazy/stalker line. You have to stop for your own good.

[heartache25]

You need to do what you should have been doing from the jump -- nothing. No communication with her, no texting, no stopping by her house unannounced at 3 a.m. (you'll get the cops called on you eventually if you continue doing stuff like that), no checking up on social media, nothing. What you are doing isn't the romantic pangings of a star-crossed lover -- it's toeing the crazy/stalker line. You have to stop for your own good.

 

You are right, it is proballly starting to look very weird and creepy of me now, for not leaving her be.

 

Damn, man it's just so hard. I'm going to try my best to push through with the NC rule, unless she calls me up but i know she wont.

 

I have to let her go, i know.

[Simon Phoenix]

You are right, it is proballly starting to look very weird and creepy of me now, for not leaving her be.

 

Damn, man it's just so hard. I'm going to try my best to push through with the NC rule, unless she calls me up but i know she wont.

 

I have to let her go, i know.

 

Even if she calls you up you need to ignore it. It's obvious that you can't handle it right now (which is perfectly normal). Unless she specifically states that she made a mistake and she wants to try again, IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. Honestly, right now you're your own worst enemy. That has to stop.

[lauri]

Ugh man...

 

Okay shake it off and learn from this. Move forward. No more excuses / weak moments

[heartache25]

Even if she calls you up you need to ignore it. It's obvious that you can't handle it right now (which is perfectly normal). Unless she specifically states that she made a mistake and she wants to try again, IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. Honestly, right now you're your own worst enemy. That has to stop.

 

 

I don't know if i am strong to turn her calls away, although i know i should! but i think to myself, if she phoned me, at any time, i would probally jump to the call, i guess this is just ANOTHER mistake i'll probally make, It's a month on sunday since we broke up, i hope this gets easier soon.

[heartache25]

Ugh man...

 

Okay shake it off and learn from this. Move forward. No more excuses / weak moments

 

I am going to try my very best

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't know if i am strong to turn her calls away, although i know i should! but i think to myself, if she phoned me, at any time, i would probally jump to the call, i guess this is just ANOTHER mistake i'll probally make, It's a month on sunday since we broke up, i hope this gets easier soon.

 

You're as strong as you want to be. But the fact that you are already planning to f--k up is setting yourself up for defeat. No excuses, play like a champion. What you are doing now sucks, so stop doing it. It ain't rocket science. It's not easy, but most things worth doing are hard.

[preraph]

You need to also stop drinking until all this is over and dealt with. You made some very bad choices from being drunk.

[Requiem4Dreams]

I don't know if i am strong to turn her calls away, although i know i should! but i think to myself, if she phoned me, at any time, i would probally jump to the call, i guess this is just ANOTHER mistake i'll probally make, It's a month on sunday since we broke up, i hope this gets easier soon.

 

Is it possible to turn off your phone for a while? Every small success you have by ignoring her will make you stronger. So she calls, you ignore it, and she calls again, you have the strength to ignore that one better.

 

Every time you break NC is right back to the beginning, and that pain will be there full force, anxiety will overwhelm you, and you will make another mistake.

 

It's extremely hard for me to not want to reach out because I miss the person I was with, but based on the fact that this person is not with you, should that not tell you how little this person now cares?

[Simon Phoenix]

Is it possible to turn off your phone for a while? Every small success you have by ignoring her will make you stronger. So she calls, you ignore it, and she calls again, you have the strength to ignore that one better.

 

Every time you break NC is right back to the beginning, and that pain will be there full force, anxiety will overwhelm you, and you will make another mistake.

 

It's extremely hard for me to not want to reach out because I miss the person I was with, but based on the fact that this person is not with you, should that not tell you how little this person now cares?

 

Or just block her if you don't have the self-control.

[heartache25]

Well, i could turn off my mobile for a while i wouldn't see it making a differnce. She hasnt reached out to me once, in the month we have been broke up, the 3 times that i have broke NC now, is all cause of me.

 

She has my mobile number blocked and my text messages go straight into "Spam"

 

I hate to break nc, i just thought we might work it out, but now i've set myself back to day one, 3 times in a row. This morning i woke up thinking of her so much, i tryed to stay asleep as long as i could, just so i didn't think of her.

 

I didn't realise i was such a weak minded person, she has told me many things that would make any other man walk away with no hesitation.

 

She doesn't love me, she didn't find me se-xually attractive, i annoyed her always, she got back with me cause she felt sorry for me, so many heart destroying things to hear, while you love another.

 

Maybe i am depressed and should visit my doctor:(

[HappyLove]

Yes, it's time for counseling and to work on yourself before you do something that gets you into a lot of trouble!

[heartache25]

So after my last visit to her house, i didnt go back to see her.

 

But we did speak on social website for 2 or so days, just chatting, i was trying to keep it short and sweet most the time.

 

She went to a friends BBQ last saturday and decided to call me at 2am, very drunk and she just started crying down the phone.

 

next morning when she was hungover, she rang me in the morning to tell me she was poorly etc.

 

We spoke some more on the social site and she was showing me pics of her hungover and eating my icecream i left for her 1 month ago.

 

i was thinking we were going to get back together, or work on it.

 

I was so dumb, i even offerd to go buy her a KFC for her hangover, to which she said "Doesnt matter, i know your plan"

 

I said, i have no plan, just trying to help you out.

 

The following day, the convo ran out very fast on the social site, and again she blocked me and said she hates having to do this.

 

I said, "You hate doing what"? she replied, "Saying bye all the time"

 

So now im truely going into my NC, this is it. I'm ready for a battle of the demons and champions, i know this is going to be very hard but i'm ready now i feel.

[Simon Phoenix]

You have to stop being your own worst enemy here. Please stop talking to her.

[heartache25]

You have to stop being your own worst enemy here. Please stop talking to her.

 

I am doing that as of monday gone, she has no regret from the way she speaks, she seems to hate me, dunno why she changed so much against me, did so much for her damn..

 

I am starting nc, i will keep my post updated with how i am getting along, to keep me strong!

[PerfectStorm]

Dude, as a woman...this is not attractive. Not to be harsh, just blunt. Move on and salvage your dignity. And I repeat do not drink until you've processed your emotions, it will lessen your resolve and is a depressant.

[heartache25]

Dude, as a woman...this is not attractive. Not to be harsh, just blunt. Move on and salvage your dignity. And I repeat do not drink until you've processed your emotions, it will lessen your resolve and is a depressant.

 

I am an idiot, i have done all the awfull desperate things that i should not of done, i think now she is just sick of telling me to do one, i feel like ****.

[heartache25]

I have done everything to try get her back.....i could hire a 20man mexican singing song and have them sing a bruno mars song to her maybe?! i kid, but i have done everything, and it's the biggest mistake