If you're single, would it be better to be friends with people that are also single?

[Lipitor11]

I'm in my 30's and as we know, almost everyone starts to settle down. I've had a few married friends and sometimes I would get invited to parties. Of course everyone there are all couples, I'm usually the only single one and to be honest it just feels awkward and crummy. And I'm a woman, so...I try not to let it bother me, but its just hard make friends with people that are married with kids. Its like we have nothing in common to talk about, we have different lifestyles, I'm usually living the single life, while they are talking about mommy blogs, diapers, weddings, etc, etc. I just feel envy that they have what I want. So, I just decided that I would rather not be friends with married people and should stick with being friends with single people-I feel the happiest.

[54JA]

I know what you are talking about. I'm also in my 30s, and many people around me are married and have kids. Since their babies are still little, they are so excited about their "first solid food," "first airplane ride," "first this and that." I hate to sound so bitter, but there is only so much "aww, how cute!" I can squeeze out of myself.

[D.Mc.]

Hi Lipitor11,

 

It's always better to be friends with the people you have something in common with and even more importantly, can actually have contact with regularly. I know lots of people will say "my best friend moved to another state & we still talk every day"...but they are not there to go out with are they?

 

As to married/parent friends: yes, you will see your relationships with them start to drift, since you each have different priorities and don't have "fun" the same way anymore. That being said, as a woman, we are not living the Sex & the City lifestyle: each friend who is single, probably wants to NOT be single, so eventually you will leave that group when you pair off, too.

 

Men don't seem to have this issue so much, but then it seems married couples are always happy to try to match make for their single male friends much more than for their single female friends, I've found. I hope single women are not viewed as a threat to the "stability" of these women's marriages/relationships. Personally, I've never found even one of my friends men attractive, but I never said anything negative about their choice.

 

Single women all want to be single & enjoying at the same time, dating at the same time & in LTR's or married at the same time. We just like being at the same level as our friends for some reason (why we always go to the restroom in pairs?). I'm the only single & I really don't socialize in person with my friends from my youth anymore, although we stay in touch.

[WesternWizard]

Erm, no.

 

I'm not friends with a lot of other single guys I know, largely because they all have only 2 hobbies: sex and beer.

 

IMHO both sex and beer have been oversold and overrated for WAY too long.

[irc333]

The reason I joined Meetup was for the reason because of all my friends "coupling up" with new girlfriends and marriage.

 

Some of my male friends, if I had asked them to hang out, he'd say something like "Well, I gotta see what the wife wants to do that day" of course something would always be going on with his wife that day.

 

So its par for the course, once your single friends get hitched...time to find new people to hang out with. lol

 

 

 

Hi Lipitor11,

 

It's always better to be friends with the people you have something in common with and even more importantly, can actually have contact with regularly. I know lots of people will say "my best friend moved to another state & we still talk every day"...but they are not there to go out with are they?

 

As to married/parent friends: yes, you will see your relationships with them start to drift, since you each have different priorities and don't have "fun" the same way anymore. That being said, as a woman, we are not living the Sex & the City lifestyle: each friend who is single, probably wants to NOT be single, so eventually you will leave that group when you pair off, too.

 

Men don't seem to have this issue so much, but then it seems married couples are always happy to try to match make for their single male friends much more than for their single female friends, I've found. I hope single women are not viewed as a threat to the "stability" of these women's marriages/relationships. Personally, I've never found even one of my friends men attractive, but I never said anything negative about their choice.

 

Single women all want to be single & enjoying at the same time, dating at the same time & in LTR's or married at the same time. We just like being at the same level as our friends for some reason (why we always go to the restroom in pairs?). I'm the only single & I really don't socialize in person with my friends from my youth anymore, although we stay in touch.

[irc333]

Hi Lipitor11, (why we always go to the restroom in pairs?).

 

Right, also the same reason they feel comfortable in gay night clubs.

[insert_name]

This isn't just a female only thing, my social circle has become non-existent with all my friends setting down so that my only opportunities to meet women are by the extreme of cold approaching during the day (really not a fan of this idea) or OLD. I had hoped that their couple status would mean I met girls through their girlfriends, but their girlfriends all seem to either not have any female friends or don't wish to introduce me to them. The most I qualify for is the occasional invite to a house party, which translates as being invited to mingle amongst a gathering of loved up couples with me the only single person there.

 

I'm not so bothered about my limited opportunities with women, it is what it is and I don't help myself with my reluctance to be more outgoing. I do feel very resentful at the fact that I am now forced to leave my comfort zone and join meetup groups in the hope of cultivating friendships just because my friends don't value my company enough to strike a balance between their partner and their friends. I have always placed a high value on good friendship so have always been there for my friends and their problems so to have them all phase me out is disappointing.

 

There was a recent piece by the telegraph where the author lamented how male friendships fall by the wayside due to the wife's dislike of their husband having single male friends who pose the threat of the all night drinking session at the drop of a hat. So the single male is phased out in favour of couples, the wife still cultivates her own friendships in the meantime though.

 

I have to say that jibes a lot with my experience, although maybe not for quite as cynical reasons. I see that my 30+ female colleagues all seem to have retained an active social life with their friends who are all either in relationships or single. With guys its a different story, its almost like they wait for the day when they don't have to bother being social as they have a wife. Either that or there is some truth that women like to select a mans friends.

[d0nnivain]

It's easier to be friends with people who are at the same stage of life. When I was single I still loved my married friends & hung out with them a lot but I was selective about when & where. As a married person I try to carve out time for my single friends & include them as much as possible.

[WesternWizard]

There are also divorced people we can hang out with, but we need to be careful because some of THEM can be real downers.

[preraph]

Women get so immersed in their kids that they usually become useless as friends. I have one that is really a nice person who does make the effort and tries to give some time without the kids, but she's an exception -- and that's the best-case scenario and if I get to see her once every couple of months, if I'm lucky.

 

It's true men don't invest themselves so much. These days I see women living through their children who really have no life of their own if you subtracted out the children. I think that's setting a really poor example for their kids to model after. You'd get more respect if you carved out time for other interests and didn't just become a taxi driver/cook/housekeeper.

 

My friend with kids told me she's had to make friends with other mothers just to have any freedom whatsoever and that none of them are real friends that she has anything except kids in common with. It's sad. You trade in your good old loyal friends for a bunch of basically babysitters. Not smart. Women have more resources than to do that and it wasn't always that way either. Even in that conventional all about family 50s generation, people got a sitter and went out and had dinner or played bridge with their friends. It's a modern mindset, not a necessity.

[Lipitor11]

Women get so immersed in their kids that they usually become useless as friends. I have one that is really a nice person who does make the effort and tries to give some time without the kids, but she's an exception -- and that's the best-case scenario and if I get to see her once every couple of months, if I'm lucky.

 

It's true men don't invest themselves so much. These days I see women living through their children who really have no life of their own if you subtracted out the children. I think that's setting a really poor example for their kids to model after. You'd get more respect if you carved out time for other interests and didn't just become a taxi driver/cook/housekeeper.

 

My friend with kids told me she's had to make friends with other mothers just to have any freedom whatsoever and that none of them are real friends that she has anything except kids in common with. It's sad. You trade in your good old loyal friends for a bunch of basically babysitters. Not smart. Women have more resources than to do that and it wasn't always that way either. Even in that conventional all about family 50s generation, people got a sitter and went out and had dinner or played bridge with their friends. It's a modern mindset, not a necessity.

 

Yeah, I've noticed that also...I see woman with kids automatically become friends with other mothers. Like awhile back, I was at a restaurant with family and my sister in law who has kids just was striking up a conversation with this other woman who has kids and it looked like they were exchanging stories of their kids, meanwhile I was just sitting there feeling out of place, and it was basically the two of them chit chatting...

 

I guess I need to hang out at the clubs/bars in order to make some friends with single people even if that means their all going to be younger than me.

[SadNLonley]

When i was in the child bearing years I have to say as a married woman, we and my friends all drifted apart because we were all about the same age and going through the same thing. Back then, we didnt have play dates. My basic social life consisted of getting together with family.

 

Now that we are older and I am single, I have found it easier to reach out to old friends. Most of which ARE married. We just make plans in advance so that we keep the calendar free. I have 1 single friend and I see her as much as I do my married ones. Im not one to go out though every weekend. I dont mind staying in and relaxing. At first being single I felt very uncomfortable going to an event alone because everyone else had a significant other. That gets easier though too.

 

Depending how active you want your social life to be, Im sure single friends have more time for the, but to still get together with your married friends is nice.

[No Limit]

It really depends on the couple. When an older friend of mine who has a bigger physique got a BF she invited me over all the time as usual, but in the end after looking at my thin-slim-body started clinging to her BF, kissing etc and I'd just awkwardly sit next to that - no thanks.

 

But the buddies I hang out with today act normally, thank God...

[irc333]

Where I live, prior to Meetup, my friends started trickling down as they were joining in wedlock. I would attempt to get together with my male married friends only for them to say, "Sorry, my wife has plans for us that night"

 

After hearing that countless times, it got old.

 

Where I live...married people here are pretty much joined at the hip. They aren't social, they are homebodies. Other than going to get groceries, shopping for the kids, or a family event at a local street fair, they mostly "stay in".

 

They become blobs pretty much after they get married.

[bastus]

"Imo":to me it is not really matter , one of my best friend (male) here in town is already married and have a kid,we share a a lot same interests, well off course we're not always together everyday like we used to be on past, but we can still talk on social medias all the time..

[Mysterio]

My take is this. Person connection trumps, ethnicity/age and status of any kind. I have one couple that are friends of mind that have kids. I have another one that is childless. I have live closer to the childless couple.

 

I am closer to the couple that has kids. I don't know what it is. From day one. They have been together for 16 yrs. No major falling outs or anything like that.

[newmoon]

be friends with whomever you want, but it is definitely easier to be friends with a single if you're a single. they just don't have the same level of commitments that couples do. and it goes beyond time as well, when you have a family you have money concerns, kid concerns, etc. i definitely noticed that when my female friends married and had kids we drifted apart because there is just far less in common. *they* often want to maintain friendships, but it's hard because they can't leave the children/don't want to leave the children, have to be home for the husband, etc. it's a bit too difficult. i prefer my single friends for hanging out, but my married friends for advice!

[tk8888]

There are three things to consider here in my opinion:

 

1) Hang out with whoever you find enjoyable.

2) Spend time with those who will get you where you want to go. I almost compare it to being poor and rich or educated and not educated. If you want to be educated but aren't, then spend time with smarter people. If you want to be richer and are poor, you're probably better off spending time with people who make more money.

3) Get rid of toxic relationships that will deter you from your goals whether that goal is attending business school or getting into a long term relationship.