Veruca Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Hi everyone. I have A LOT to post on my situation, so I'll start with one issue at a time. I've been broken up with my ex for a couple of months now, and still very much in pain but trying very hard to move on and do things that make me happy. Out of the blue some local guy sees my Facebook page, PMs me that I'm "very beautiful" and he'd love to get to know me. So we PMed a bit back and forth. I got bored with the daily "Hi" and "How are you" and "How was your weekend" because I'm assuming this guy just wants a pen pal? So I stop responding, he steps up and asks for my number. We have some things in common and he's fun to talk to. We have a mutual acquaintance and I casually asked her about him, and she said he's a nice guy, don't worry. He's telling me his whole life story over the phone, telling me he's looking for someone to have a relationship with and get married, etc. He even talked about his exes, and said very personal things about them, which I felt was inappropriate. So now he's been calling me every evening to chat. This has been going on for 2 weeks! He texts me goodnight. I haven't even met this guy! I casually let him know that I felt awkward having all of these nightly discussions with a total stranger whom I've never met, and I'd feel more comfortable meeting in a public place in person to see if there's any chemistry. He said something about how his new job is long hours, he works 7 days a week for the next few months, and his social life has dried up. Last night he said he really wanted to meet me, but he's so tired at the end of the day. At the end of each phone call he says, "I'll call you tomorrow, OK? Sweet dreams!" In my opinion, you get to know someone by spending time with them/dating them IN PERSON. I'm not interested in a pen pal or phone buddy and this behavior is turning me off. I don't know what the deal is with this guy? Any ideas?
Mrin Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 First I don't think you're off base in feeling this way. A week leading up to a date is appropriate but going on week after week is excessive. Either confront the guy about it - "look, I like talking with you but I am not looking for a phone pal" or just stop being available for his calls. Just tell him you have plans with a "friend" and leave it at that. Dude sounds passive, coupled up or married. 1
O'Malley Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 It sounds like he's using you as an emotional sponge. You're providing him attention, he gets to vent about his problems to you and maybe flirt a little, all without him having to invest any real effort into establishing a reciprocal friendship or relationship. All the texts and chats are white noise that lead to nothing. He's negated your suggestions to meet up, so is this worth any more of your time? Wish him well and block him from contacting you. 4
Elle1975 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I'd be careful that he doesn't ask for money next. Just tell him "meet for dinner, or don't call me back". I used to work 7 days a week too, but I would have managed a date with a guy if i had been motivated enough. 1
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 he's a nice guy too nice. "Sweet dreams!" I had a friend like him. He was so nice, he didn't ask girls out for fear of offending them or something. I don't know, I never really understood it except that he would not advocate or act for himself. He was just too ****ing nice. Maybe he didn't want to bore a girl to death. Sounds like you've landed one of them. Throw him back. He'll never understand why. 1
BluEyeL Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You should just stop answering the phone. He's using you as a therapist. The I want to get married thing is also a red flag. If you stopped answering the phone, he might ask you out. If he doesn't, he was wasting your time anyway. 1
Enjaycee Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Next time he contacts you, joke with him saying "So why haven't you asked me out yet? Are you scared?" Obviously you want to spend time with him, but he needs to man up and ask you on a date already. 2 weeks is long enough talking to start to actually meet and go on dates. Also, if he REALLY wanted to meet you, then he would make time no matter how tired he is after work. That's a lame excuse. 1
CaliGypsy Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Just politely tell him this phone pal thing is not working out for you. For whatever reason he's just making a ton of excuses. 1
Dork Vader Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Okay so no matter how busy people get.. If they are truly interested in you they will MAKE time to meet you. I've been in this position before in which I had a ton going on. I still made SOME time to meet them. This excuse is complete BS IMO and is a form of stalling. Even if he is that busy do you really want to be dating a guy that can't make SOME time for you? No.. 2
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