j12345 Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I was dating a girl from work for 2 months, then one day she broke up with me.. She said she had started to really like me and was worried about getting into another relationship so had to end it. The next day she was miserable, I reassured her I'd never hurt her and we got back together.. Then it was great but 5 days later she did the same thing. Said she couldn't fight the feeling that she needed to be on her own for a bit and it was hard because she liked me. Anyway, we agreed we could stay friends but it's been hard as we sit close to each other. After a few days I decided I needed to be a bit distant for me to deal with. I was friendly and haven't tried to get her back. The other night she sent me a long message saying she missed my company a lot and hoped we could hang out as friends soon. I didn't reply as didn't know what to say. Then the next night she was out with her friends and text me a REALLY long message pretty late saying how she'd reached out to me and I didn't reply, that she didn't think we could be friends as I was so distant and didn't seem that interested, that it was now awkward and maybe it's best we don't talk so we both know where we stand. I've tried to be myself round the office, hanging out with my friends and smiling and laughing, she wouldn't have known I was upset. I text her back saying I'm sorry she felt this way, that I'd been busy but hoped we could be friends soon. However she's blocked my number so never got the message.. What do I do? Why is she angry at me after she ended it?
oberkeat Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 (edited) She sounds flaky as hell. You don't want someone like her in your life. If you are forced to interact with each other at the office, I would be cordial and professional, but not chummy. Leave your previous relationship with her in the past and focus on your job like nothing ever happened. Edited August 17, 2014 by oberkeat
Ronni_W Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Sounds like she was looking for you to hang around like a lost puppy, pining after and begging for her attention and affection. You did not fall for her crap Now she is using a different tactic to manipulate you and/or take advantage of your kind nature. Hopefully you will still not fall for her crap. She wants you to come sniffing around and begging to know what you did "wrong" (nothing!) Just ignore her...and keep being yourself at work, at home and at play. 1
BlueIris Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 She can be angry or sad or whatever she wishes to be. But don't be her yo-yo. When someone breaks up with you, it's done. 1
travelbug1996 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 She's silly and playing games. Don't bite the bait though because she will break up with you again.
Always Pondering Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I was dating a girl from work for 2 months, then one day she broke up with me.. She said she had started to really like me and was worried about getting into another relationship so had to end it. If she's worried about getting into another relationship while with you, that's ridiculous. If she means she's not over her last ex, this is good then as this would've caused problems down the road. I assume you two were in a relationship because you can't break up with someone who you're just going out on dates with. The next day she was miserable, I reassured her I'd never hurt her and we got back together.. Then it was great but 5 days later she did the same thing. Said she couldn't fight the feeling that she needed to be on her own for a bit and it was hard because she liked me. She wasn't sure if her decision was a right decision and/or felt guilty about it. The thing that is known for sure however is that she doesn't currently want a relationship with you. Anyway, we agreed we could stay friends but it's been hard as we sit close to each other. After a few days I decided I needed to be a bit distant for me to deal with. I was friendly and haven't tried to get her back. If the dumpee still has feelings for the dumper, it's basically impossible to be friends as they watch them move onto someone else without you. The idea of friends is only possible if neither person has romantic feelings for the other. I text her back saying I'm sorry she felt this way, that I'd been busy but hoped we could be friends soon. However she's blocked my number so never got the message.. What do I do? What you do is to continue what you're doing right now, resuming your life and putting your focus on someone else. Since you two are co-workers, contact should only be limited to business and nothing else.
BlueIvy Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Forget about her. You don't deserve to he toyed with.
SensitiveTJ Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 The reason she is so mad is because she considers herself more desirable than you are. She expected you to grovel for her companionship after the breakup. By doing the opposite, you are throwing her assessment of the situation into doubt. Well played, sir. Start getting close with another woman and watch the sparks really start to fly, lol. 1
writergal Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Sounds to me like you may have been her rebound guy after her last relationship, and she flaked out on a real relationship with you b/c she's still not done with her previous relationship...possibly. Since she blocked your phone number, maybe you could catch her on a 15 minute break period at work, to tell her that you didn't respond to her texts b/c you weren't sure what to say and that her blocking your phone number didn't give you a chance to even respond when you were ready to. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. I hate the term "drama queen" b/c that's so passive aggressive. Who knows what's going on with this young lady emotionally from her last relationship. Maybe her intentions were genuine when she sent you those two texts. Maybe she is flaky and insecure. Doesn't mean she's a vindictive, manipulative person b/c she sent you 2 texts that gave you mixed signals. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of dating or relationship experience. Maybe she's very me-centered and self absorbed? Only you know that b/c you dated her and you work with her. Talk to her at work. If you try to re-establish clear boundaries as far as what kind of relationship - friendship - that you want with her, she may just follow your lead and be okay once she knows her role with you. Dating at work is always a risky endeavor b/c there's no guarantee the outcome will be a good one, and hopefully this won't cost either you or her a job (it's happened).
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 The reason she is so mad is because she considers herself more desirable than you are. She expected you to grovel for her companionship after the breakup. By doing the opposite, you are throwing her assessment of the situation into doubt. Well played, sir. Several years ago, I went out with a girl for a year, and she was a knockout. We were madly in love,and then one day, out of nowhere, she told me it was over. I was dumbfounded, and I was in shock. I didn't really say too much, but she could tell I was devastated, because I saw the pity in her eyes after she saw the sadness and pain in mine. She suggested we go out on one last date, and I was too shellshocked to say no. I don't really remember much after she suggested that. The next thing I remember is hours later, we were sitting in the car after the date, in front of her house. My car was parked in the parking lot, and we were in the back seat of a friend's car. A breakup song came on the radio, and I lay my head on her shoulder to listen. Neither of us said a word. I figured it was over and I knew I couldn't change her mind. So after the song was over, I looked at her and I said "Goodbye Matilda". I didn't want or expect much, I just wanted her to say goodbye to me. Instead, she got this angry look on her face and she crossed her arms and glared at me in stony silence. I shook my head and said "wow..." and I retreated in utter disbelief and disappointment. I got in my car and left as quickly as I could. I was a wreck, and I don't remember the next three weeks or so, having slipped back into shock. It was the last time I ever communicated with her. But until I read that comment just now, I never did understand why she did that. I thought about her desire for some grovelling, but I never believed it until now. You seem to have said it in a way I can both believe and understand. Thanks for that.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 She is emotionally messed up...she wants the same attention from you as if you are dating without being official. Don't be friends with her or you will have to keep putting up with her nonsense. Tip:don't date girls you work with. It keeps life so much simpler.
Zippy2000 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Er, guys! Can we deal with the facts! We dont know this girl and to say she`s emotionally messed up is not right. The fact is she had lavished perhaps on so much attention she is now aware why someone has now back off and become distant. I ve heard this story so many times before. People break up and do this no contact business but for someone who midley cards the "dumpee" will always come back to check how you are and why you have gone all quiet. It doesnt mean they have feelings for you it just means its confusing for them why you had been there and just disappeared. Fact of the matter is she doesnt want a relationship. Thats all!
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I have a little different perspective this AM. I think maybe after two months, she felt herself beginning to like you as more than a casual date, and she cut it off so that it would stop. She didn't like you as much as you liked her, and of course, we all assume that the people we are seeing are exactly where we are. She was perfectly willing to be pals, that was difficult for you, and she just assumed that you could switch off your feelings as easily as she did, but CHOSE not to do so. I think that's why she's angry. Giving her the most generous interpretation I can, the impression remains that she's not empathetic and is generally concerned with herself. In the long haul, that's not what you want. Move on.
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 The problem is there wasn't proper communication on her part and her behavior was confusing to the OP. Young girls get into an emotional tizzy when the attention they were so used to getting is shut off. My vote is on Sensitive TJ's comment.
EmbeddedCortex Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 I was dating a girl from work for 2 months, then one day she broke up with me.. She said she had started to really like me and was worried about getting into another relationship so had to end it. The next day she was miserable, I reassured her I'd never hurt her and we got back together.. Then it was great but 5 days later she did the same thing. Said she couldn't fight the feeling that she needed to be on her own for a bit and it was hard because she liked me. Anyway, we agreed we could stay friends but it's been hard as we sit close to each other. After a few days I decided I needed to be a bit distant for me to deal with. I was friendly and haven't tried to get her back. The other night she sent me a long message saying she missed my company a lot and hoped we could hang out as friends soon. I didn't reply as didn't know what to say. Then the next night she was out with her friends and text me a REALLY long message pretty late saying how she'd reached out to me and I didn't reply, that she didn't think we could be friends as I was so distant and didn't seem that interested, that it was now awkward and maybe it's best we don't talk so we both know where we stand. I've tried to be myself round the office, hanging out with my friends and smiling and laughing, she wouldn't have known I was upset. I text her back saying I'm sorry she felt this way, that I'd been busy but hoped we could be friends soon. However she's blocked my number so never got the message.. What do I do? Why is she angry at me after she ended it? Sounds like she is using you as a backup, second choice, emotional support, and playing with your feelings. You're wasting your time playing her games. You can't be "friends" with her, which means she gets to use you, when you have romantic feelings for her. Let her know this straight up and put an end to her games.
Zahara Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You received lots of advice in your two other threads. Creating new threads and hoping for different answers is what you won't get. Ignore her. You go to work to work. Focus on your daily tasks and avoid the drama that she creates. She's just a petulant little drama queen that is having a tantrum because you didn't kiss her feet and provide her the attention and ego boost she needs. 1
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You received lots of advice in your two other threads. Creating new threads and hoping for different answers is what you won't get. I know what you want to hear. You should go buy some flowers, and bring them to work and give them to her. Explain how you were wrong to react badly when she broke up with you, and that of course you want to be her friend. Tell her you'll ignore the feelings of longing that you feel when you're near her, because you'd do anything for her, including torturing yourself. Tell her you'll be close when she needs you, and distant when she doesn't. Tell her you'll be whatever she needs you to be, and that you're sorry for not being able to see how right that is for you right away. Let us know how that works out.
Blade96 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 she's a silly little bimbo. I got a Russian friend who got out of this same predicament. only this one lasted for about half a year maybe. Fell in love online with a girl from mexico. But from the start she was a flake, and he felt like he was also being used. I had bad feelings about the chick from the start, I told him, but then when he wanted to try and pursue the relationship and hope something works out (and living and working in latin america was always a dream of his) as his friend, I was there for him, always supported him, and he told me everything, felt he could come to me with any thing he ever wanted to say. They did have a bit of skype sex, and such, but nothing came of it. She wouldn't definitively say she liked him or say she didn't so he could be free. She'd say she liked him then she'd say she hated him. As he is Slavic they pour their heart into someone deeply when they like them and expose themselves (my Belorussian guy did the same thing when he told me he liked me, he puts his whole heart into it) End of the story: He finally woke up when the chick started saying she loves to hurt people and to see people being hurt and that it does not bother her. Now he met another lovely girl from the same place who is much nicer than her, and he has recently been promised an invitation soon from the government there (yay!) He's much happier now. Don't get involved with flakes. I also got a Ukrainian friend who fell in love with me, but he ever since I met him (in january, so he can't even use the war as an excuse) would disappear for months claiming work. I call bs on that, listen, no one's that busy they can't even say hi, a two letter word. I chose the Belarussian , for one thing he's real (can verify it and have) another important thing is that he's CONSISTENT.
aprilisi Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 she's just keeping you on the line for an ego boost and don't worry about her lies. The truth will eventually come out. Just do your job and let her dig her hole deeper. The more she talks about it the crazier she will seem
ktya Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I've dated a few girls like this. They are nutters. They live by a double standard. They can at the drop of a hat say that they need space and cant talk to you for a while, but if they text you and you dont instantly get back to them and give them your full attention, somehow you've wronged them and you've been a complete jerk. You can play this one of two ways: 1) Dont talk to her other than to be cordial around the office and forget it 2) Play her game and suck up to her and let her break it off and start it again like a washing machine cycle
Assasda Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 Think of the wrong things you did in the relationship. You were needy. You put her on the pedestal - She doesnt respect you. You put her so high on the pedestal before, you are a mere peon to her now. The one good thing that you did was not replying to her message. Keep that in your back pocket as a souce of pride. Move on. You should, lots of women out there. Move on
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