90s kid Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Should I accept a date from someone who I have zero physical chemistry/ attraction with in hopes that the attraction will develop? Recently, I was asked on a date by a really good guy. He is quite possibly one of the nicest and most polite guys I've ever met. He's also extremely successful. He confessed feelings for me and asked me on a date in a really adorable way (I have a feeling he had to work up a lot of nerve beforehand). He's such a sweetheart that I really wish I felt the same way he did. The problem is that I'm not attracted to him at all. My friends think that I should go out with him and see if the attraction grows. But I think he really likes me and I would feel so fake accepting a date with him knowing that I don't really like him. Also, he's a consultant at my office which makes me nervous to date him. Even though we don't really work together and he's not my supervisor or anything (it's not breaking any rules), I'm reluctant to accept a date knowing that I'll be seeing him at meetings frequently. If he was some random guy, I would consider going on a date just to see what happens. But knowing that I have to see him at work makes me realize that I don't want to start anything that may end awkwardly. What do you guys think?
OwMyEyeball Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You've answered your own question a) There's zero chemistry b) There could be an effect on another big area in your life - work All the sweetness, politeness and outward success in the world isn't going generate chemistry that isn't even there. 4
OwMyEyeball Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You've answered your own question a) There's zero chemistry b) There could be an effect on another big area in your life - work All the sweetness, politeness and outward success in the world isn't going to generate chemistry that isn't even there.
xilver Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I'm a guy and I have gone out with girls I'm not really attracted to. Well let's say 25% attraction. At some point the attraction grew to maybe 50% and I ended up really liking them and had a relationship. Yes I did it more than once. It never ended well. They always knew the attraction wasn't there. I have no idea how but they did and they were right. Even though the feelings for them were there it wasn't the same. I call it settling. It took me a few times but I learned my lesson. 2
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Should I accept a date from someone who I have zero physical chemistry/ attraction with in hopes that the attraction will develop? Absolutely not. There are many reasons to date someone you're not attracted to, but that isn't one of them. 1
iiiii Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 No reason why not to accept a date with someone you quite like but aren't attracted to. On the bright side, you might have a fun night, you might get less scared of dating (if you are!), it could make him feel better about the deal (at least you didn't "shoot him down" before trying him out), and once you've spent some time talking to him you might find you're more attracted than you thought. I wouldn't accept a second date unless you feel attracted, though. I don't think it would be fair to the guy. 2
Supernatural Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 You've answered your own question a) There's zero chemistry b) There could be an effect on another big area in your life - work All the sweetness, politeness and outward success in the world isn't going generate chemistry that isn't even there. Yep. This. I once dated a girl who I was not super attracted to. Maybe 40-50%. And some mornings I would just be like "why am I doing this?" - as she danced around in her underwear - she was a sweet girl but I just wasn't fully invested physically. And in the end, It didn't workout, because It always crept back. That, and she could never understand movies! AHHH! Nothing worse. "So why did Gatsby make a fake life?" "So why did Jason come out of the water and kill everyone?""So Edward Norton was the made up character in fight cub?" 1
d0nnivain Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Because of the work thing I am going to say no don't do it. Without that, I would have advised going on one date. Sometimes people surprise you. I need that chemistry / that initial zing but I have gone on dates with men who didn't initially do it for me. I kept trying to convince myself that feelings could develop because they do for other people. It never worked & we never got past one date but it can be a good thing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Here because of the work angle that possibility is not a great idea because of the overarching ramifications. Be incredibly diplomatic when you say no, however 1
martaldn Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 U can try and see how it goes. As long as you dont lead him on I think there is nothing wrong in go out with him even if there is not much attraction at moment. I am telling you this because it has happened to me only a couple of months ago. I knew this guy ( friend of a friend ) for a while and I didnt like him at all. psychically wasnt the kind of guy i could notice in a place or be attracted to and I also found him quite full of himself and loud when he spoke.. so for me he was just the friend of my friend. zero interest. BUT one night we went out all together and something happened... we were both tipsy and we ended up to make out and when he asked me to see me again I said to myself.. ok lets give him a chance and see how it goes but honestly the first date was a bit strange because I still didnt like him so much however we dated for over a month then things didn't work out ( for different reasons ) but I can tell you that the attraction for him changed from -zero to 100! and I still find him very sexy even if we are not together anymore! sometime attraction can grow once you meet someone and you discover part of his personality that make you see him in a different way. For me was even more strange to explain because I knew him a bit already so everything came like a bit surprise! I also had the opposite experience in being attracted very much to a guy and once i have started to know him better I lost all the physical interested in him because I didnt like the way he was! so for me its a yes! you should do it!
Zippy2000 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) The internet is FULL of stories where a woman has changed their minds on men. Here is what I found on THE RULES REVISITED SITE> I d say gime him a couple of months and if you STILL dont feel it then let it go but give it a shot. HERE IS THE LINK: The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do Good luck! Edited August 19, 2014 by Zippy2000 Update 1
Kid_Charlemange Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Should I accept a date from someone who I have zero physical chemistry/ attraction with in hopes that the attraction will develop? Well, I was just on the other end of this exact situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/489767-giving-someone-chance She had zero attraction, but felt that I was such a "good guy" that she gave it a shot for two months. I'm not sure how she feels, but as a result, I've given up on relationships entirely.
Author 90s kid Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 The internet is FULL of stories where a woman has changed their minds on men. Here is what I found on THE RULES REVISITED SITE> I d say gime him a couple of months and if you STILL dont feel it then let it go but give it a shot. HERE IS THE LINK: The Rules Revisited: Men Don't Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do Good luck! Thanks for the response! I love reading the Rules Revisited. I wound up declining a date with this guy. I told a few friends about my situation and almost all of them think I'm a fool for saying no since he's such a catch in every other way. They're convinced that a relationship can blossom without an initial spark. I just can't imagine dating someone I'm not physically attracted to. He doesn't have to be traditionally good looking, I've been attracted to all kinds of guys in the past (short, tall, younger, older, all ethnicities, etc...) But there's needs to be some kind of energy there. Otherwise, it feels like I'm forcing myself to go on the date. I was so unmoved and unexcited about the prospect of going out with him that I just decided it was a no-go. 1
Zippy2000 Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 Your welcome 90s Kid. Your decision is final. Although it may have been a hard one, it`ll no doubt be the right decision for you. Who knows maybe in a few years time you`ll look back and think he wasnt that bad after all. Good luck in your search.
irc333 Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 however we dated for over a month then things didn't work out ( for different reasons ) but I can tell you that the attraction for him changed from -zero to 100! That's only because you were "tipsy". Liquid courage gives ya beer goggles. ;-) 1
martaldn Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 That's only because you were "tipsy". Liquid courage gives ya beer goggles. ;-) haha yeah! first approach happened thanks to the alcohol but then we realized we did like each other...
irc333 Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 Well, I was just on the other end of this exact situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/489767-giving-someone-chance She had zero attraction, but felt that I was such a "good guy" that she gave it a shot for two months. I'm not sure how she feels, but as a result, I've given up on relationships entirely. I wish we could enlighten the lady online population on "giving a guy they don't initially find attractive" a chance, but....I don't see that happening with OLD...in person it's likely to work.
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