Jet8419 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 I’m confused about a guy I’ve known for a few years. I would say we are acquaintances as we occasionally work on projects together (same profession but different workplaces). Over 18 months, we have gone out to dinner a few times, with him giving the reason of having work matters to discuss, but our conversations usually end up with him asking about my personal life, hobbies etc and talking about himself. Our last dinner was 2 weeks ago, 1 year after we last met and this time, he asked about my dating life, if I’ve got a boyfriend /whether I want a boyfriend. He told me he broke up with an ex 7 months ago and he thinks a more intelligent girl could suit him better (he ever said I'm extremely intelligent to him). He then asked what kind of guy I’m looking for and which traits I can’t stand because he wants to know me better as “we are friends and friends should learn more about each other”. I'm confused, because he doesn't initiate texts and sometimes takes days to reply (while he's pretty quick when asking me out or planning where to go). I suggested joining him in a sport (something he's already doing) and he's agreed but haven't heard from him since he said he's got to miss some sessions. He sometimes calls me "mate" too. I don't know if I should text him again because he's a workaholic and I don't wish to be too pushy but I really do like him. So does he like me? Or just being a nosey person? Or I'm in the friendzone?
BluEyeL Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Mixed signals mean low to moderate level of interest. He's not that interested...yet. It doesn't mean he will not become more interested in time, but that depends on his circumstances and who he is. You don't have all the information to understand what he thinks, but if a man is interested in a woman, he makes it clear, takes her out on dates constantly and doesn't let her wonder. 2
Versacehottie Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 sounds like he is planting a seed. remains to be seen what will happen with it. this is neither a good or bad thing---yet. Time will tell. two courses of action for you. Flirt with him a bit more and keep your options open by flirting/dating others. it will put you in best frame of mind. good luck! 3
Supernatural Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 He's not interested, yet. He's simply just taking an interest. He's definitely curious though. Especially if he is going 1 on 1 dinners. I couldn't imagine doing this if I wasn't at least entertaining the idea. Sometime fireworks at the start aren't the relationship goldmines... It's the ones that take a couple of years to develop. The damn slow burners. 3
Author Jet8419 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks guys for your input! This guy is actually the kind of guy I'm looking for, but because of our professional working relationship, I've not told him I actually do like him. I'm also afraid of making things awkward if he doesn't feel the same about me, although his physical contact during our dinners are definitely beyond the professional boundaries ie sitting so close next to me my shoulder and arm were practically tucked under his, intense eye contact, asking me for a hug when I answered a work question correctly, pointing to his cheek and asking for a kiss when we parted. Yet he doesn't maintain communication in between dinners. I have not seen him with his female friends so I don't know if he does the same to them, but with other female colleagues he's definitely keeping everything professional. I guess my confusion / dilemma is how to proceed and find out what he's thinking without making things awkward now that he's disappeared again from our last text message about doing a sport together.
Ronni_W Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 This guy is actually the kind of guy I'm looking for, but because of our professional working relationship, I've not told him I actually do like him. ... I guess my confusion / dilemma is how to proceed and find out what he's thinking without making things awkward He might be feeling, experiencing exactly the same challenge! Next time he is into one of his "get to know each other better" moods, ask him how he feels about seeing co-workers outside of work, if he has ever had to deal with something like that, what he did about it, what would he do about it, etc. I agree with you to not put yourself out there right yet...NOT because it is "wrong" but only because it might go against how he wants to conduct himself professionally. Best of luck. 1
Tetley Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 (edited) He's definitely interested: 1: Intimate dinners - snuggling up means he wants you in his personal space. 2: "My ex should have been more like you" - that's a prefab line purely for your benefit, he wants you to be his girl. 3: Hugs - he wants to get physical. 4: "Gimme a kiss on the cheek" - a baby step, he wants to see if your willing to kiss him. Sounds to me like he's playing supersafe with you, hoping you pick up on one of those huge hints above and escalate. The lack of communication is so you don't become too friendly to prevent romance. Why isn't he more forthright with you? Maybe he has a fragile ego, maybe he's risk averse and it's not in his nature, maybe he thinks you that special gal and he doesn't want to screw up. Who knows? Your best placed to answer that. Bottom line is you'll have to make the first move. French kiss him next time he ask for a peck on the cheek and take it from there...goodluck! Edited August 19, 2014 by Tetley
Author Jet8419 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks Tetley! I am clouded by his signs of disinterest when I compared both sides because I guess I have a stereotype impression of how guys show interest (as how you listed) and thus he doesn't quite fit the picture of either interested or not interested. I tested him by texting: Me: We should hang out a bit more to know each other better and... I want to see you play golf! What do you think? Him: Well, that depends if you play golf... Me: I have played it before, plus heaps of other sports, can't be that difficult Him: Hmmm... So you want to play golf with me? Me: Well if my schedule fits, I can give it a try Him: So I play golf on Sat mornings if you are keen? But I have to miss the next 2 sessions... Me: I've got work on Saturdays till Sept so I probably can't make it until I finish up... Where do u play at? Radio silence for 2 weeks and counting... I would have thought a guy who's interested would pick up on the hint that we should go out more and ask me out for something else even if golf isn't possible for now??
fred123 Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks Tetley! I am clouded by his signs of disinterest when I compared both sides because I guess I have a stereotype impression of how guys show interest (as how you listed) and thus he doesn't quite fit the picture of either interested or not interested. I tested him by texting: Me: We should hang out a bit more to know each other better and... I want to see you play golf! What do you think? Him: Well, that depends if you play golf... Me: I have played it before, plus heaps of other sports, can't be that difficult Him: Hmmm... So you want to play golf with me? Me: Well if my schedule fits, I can give it a try Him: So I play golf on Sat mornings if you are keen? But I have to miss the next 2 sessions... Me: I've got work on Saturdays till Sept so I probably can't make it until I finish up... Where do u play at? Radio silence for 2 weeks and counting... I would have thought a guy who's interested would pick up on the hint that we should go out more and ask me out for something else even if golf isn't possible for now?? as a guy i will play devils advocate. its possible he thinks u like him as a fri3nd.your conversation iv had similar onew b3fore and i have misread things. if that guy was me honestly i would think she likew me as a friend and i wouldnt bother. why waste my time on a girl i like? it is not obvious you like him
Author Jet8419 Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 (edited) Well I don't know if we both are confusing each other, because he's the one who started this "friend" business. In one of our dinners last year, when he asked a simple work related question, he said "I really want you to get this answer right, because I like you and you are my friend." That was when I decided he only likes me as a friend, because I found out later on FB he was in a relationship with his ex then, and he never mentioned about this girl at all that time (even though it was odd we met on a public holiday when he should be spending time with her). Btw we have been splitting bills except he paid for the first one. Edited August 20, 2014 by Jet8419
Supernatural Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 as a guy i will play devils advocate. its possible he thinks u like him as a fri3nd.your conversation iv had similar onew b3fore and i have misread things. if that guy was me honestly i would think she likew me as a friend and i wouldnt bother. why waste my time on a girl i like? it is not obvious you like him Doesn't it take more effort to put '3's' as "e's"? I don't think it looks like she is treating it as fri3nds... She seems playful, and like shes challenging him too. Thanks Tetley! I am clouded by his signs of disinterest when I compared both sides because I guess I have a stereotype impression of how guys show interest (as how you listed) and thus he doesn't quite fit the picture of either interested or not interested. I tested him by texting: Me: We should hang out a bit more to know each other better and... I want to see you play golf! What do you think? Him: Well, that depends if you play golf... Me: I have played it before, plus heaps of other sports, can't be that difficult Him: Hmmm... So you want to play golf with me? Me: Well if my schedule fits, I can give it a try Him: So I play golf on Sat mornings if you are keen? But I have to miss the next 2 sessions... Me: I've got work on Saturdays till Sept so I probably can't make it until I finish up... Where do u play at? Radio silence for 2 weeks and counting... I would have thought a guy who's interested would pick up on the hint that we should go out more and ask me out for something else even if golf isn't possible for now?? His texts are really weird. Then radio silence for two weeks? If you're interested, what are you doing not contacting him? And what the heck is he doing? My guess... He's involved with someone else. Radio silence for two weeks... Even Batman would respond to a text. 1
Author Jet8419 Posted August 20, 2014 Author Posted August 20, 2014 I haven't text him again since I initiated the above already, and not wanting to come across as pushy / clingy. I reckon texting is not his thing cos before our last meet-up, he took 10 days to reply to my "Hi how have you been" message, and then abruptly replied after a few texts "Time we have dinner when you are back, let me know. Have fun!" (I told him I was going overseas for a month). He works ridiculously long hours and gets last minute assignments sometimes, and he even rescheduled our last dinner twice because he had to work till 1am the night before. So I thought I'll give him space and see if he responds at all this time. I think I'll text him again when I'm done with my weekend work to see if he's still on for golf next week?
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 20, 2014 Posted August 20, 2014 I would have thought a guy who's interested would pick up on the hint that we should go out more and ask me out for something else even if golf isn't possible for now?? You got it in one. Answered your own question. He isn't interested. He isn't taking you out. He took weeks to reply to the conversation about golf, when you couldn't have been any clearer you want to spend some time with him. Sounds like the kind of guy who likes having a bit of an ego boost around when he feels like it. I've had friends before I meet maybe once every few months for a coffee or something, if I was into having my ego buffed up I might keep going out with them, flirting a bit, as a bit of fun/light distraction. But if I wasn't actually going out with them at least weekly, getting in touch in between, escalating things, it's because I'm not seeing them as a possible partner. I don't think this guy and you are gonna go anywhere sorry, if you're looking for a relationship probably best to dial back your contact with him to let your feels disappear and make room for somebody else. 1
Author Jet8419 Posted August 21, 2014 Author Posted August 21, 2014 Yeah I agree he's more uninterested than interested, so I'm just gonna give it one last shot and ask if golf is still on - if there's no reply, I'll forget about him. At least I know I've tried.
fred123 Posted August 21, 2014 Posted August 21, 2014 you are a breath of fresh air. wish i meet girls like you
Author Jet8419 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) Thanks, though part of me is hoping that he’s just being cautious and thinking of how not to screw things up or he's really busy, but nothing I can do now except move on since I’ve already tried my best (I must admit it was hard forgetting about him the first time last year when he got together with his ex...) Edited August 22, 2014 by Jet8419
Author Jet8419 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Posted August 28, 2014 Ok, so he hasn't replied after another week of silence after I asked when is his next golf game. This is now going to be awkward when I next see him at work - pretend nothing happened and talk like normal? Tease him about going missing? (We are close enough to call each other names like old duck or old fart.)
FitChick Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Mixed signals mean low to moderate level of interest. .. if a man is interested in a woman, he makes it clear, takes her out on dates constantly and doesn't let her wonder. Mystery solved, close thread! A man doesn't want to risk a woman having any doubts about his feelings for her for fear she will find someone else. 1
Author Jet8419 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 His texts are really weird. Then radio silence for two weeks? If you're interested, what are you doing not contacting him? And what the heck is he doing? My guess... He's involved with someone else. Radio silence for two weeks... Even Batman would respond to a text. Sorry I thought I'd update this thread instead of starting a new one so it's easier. Update: So after that last text, I have forgotten about him since he didn't respond. A few days ago (more than a month after our last communication), he suddenly texted me asking if I'm still looking for a new job (I mentioned before I intend to look for a new job), and I said yes, after which he requested me to send him my CV, and revealed later he is trying to get me a job in his company. And on a side note he asked how I've been, yet when I asked how he's been he didn't reply again. How am I to look at the whole situation now? Wouldn't it be awkward for us to be working together now? Just pretend we never knew each other and act like strangers?
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