ThorntonMelon Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 You're rationalizing contact and still living your relationship with him in your head. The question isn't even relevant to your situation. You need to just move on with your life, him 100% out of it.
mightycpa Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 My ex's birthday is next week and I don't know if I should send him a message wishing him a happy birthday. He sent me a birthday message after we broke up and that's the last time I heard from him. No need. That's what broken up means. No obligations. On the one hand I want to get over him (he has moved away so that helps), but on the other hand I don't want to be that bitchy girl who is just trying play games by ignoring her ex. There's nothing bitchy about it. Let me give you an example. There are undoubtedly people you went to high school with that you would be friendly with if you saw them. You'd say hello, you'd ask after them. Polite and friendly. You'd do this even though you haven't talked to them or wished them a happy birthday since high school. And if you saw them today, and their birthday was in a couple of weeks, you still wouldn't send birthday greetings. And you feel pretty normal about it. You don't feel like you're ignoring them on purpose or playing a game. You are just not that close. So it is with the ex. The only difference is that you were once close. Now, you're like old acquaintances, like those people you knew in high school. You're distant, with separate lives and no obligation to each other. NOT sending birthday greetings is actually normal. Sending birthday and other wishes is clingy. What you really don't want to be is that crazy bitch who can't let go. That is the impression you need to be concerned about. Is it ever okay to send a birthday message? Yes. But to understand when it is ok, you need to understand what closure really is. Closure is when you are indifferent to his emotions. He can love you or hate you or contact you or not and no matter what, you don't care. You don't need to know why he does something, or refrains from doing it. You don't care what he thinks one way or the other. You only think of him when either he or something directly related reminds you, and those things are far and few between. That's when it is ok. 2
Author lovesfool Posted October 2, 2014 Author Posted October 2, 2014 Yes. But to understand when it is ok, you need to understand what closure really is. Closure is when you are indifferent to his emotions. He can love you or hate you or contact you or not and no matter what, you don't care. You don't need to know why he does something, or refrains from doing it. You don't care what he thinks one way or the other. You only think of him when either he or something directly related reminds you, and those things are far and few between. That's when it is ok. But can you ever really get completely over a first love? Won't there always be lingering feelings? If so, does that mean I should never speak to him again?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 If you have to ask, you aren't ready to do it. You need to keep moving forward.
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