filmgeek Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 Hello, First time poster here with a question about a past relationship that someone might be able to answer. I'll begin with the situation real quickly though. A little over seven years ago I met a girl. She was, at the time, the best friend of one of my ex's that I was still friends with. We were introduced and hit it off amazingly. We dated for a short time, even though her parents despised me. I was 18, she was 14, her dad was a cop and her older sister was dating someone in my class. I'd never felt as strongly for anyone before or since, including my ex-fiancee. It was a case of first love on both sides, and even though it's been seven years, I'm still having a tough time getting her out of my head completely. I've dated many women since then, but she's always been the one that I compare them too. Anyways, the situation turned south when her parents basically killed our relationship by doing the following: denying her from communicating with me and her friends that knew me. attempting to press charges against me for things I'd never done. by trying to get me thrown out of school. (very interesting story there for another time.) That was seven years ago. Today, I'm not sure what to do. While surfing recently I found out that she, or someone with her exact name, still lives in the area. I've been thinking of contacting her, but I'm not sure if I should, or how I should. Normally I'm the type of person who acts very assuredly, but I'm completely confused on this matter. I want to talk to her, see if she's alright, but I don't want to give off that creepy stalker vibe either. All I do know is that I still think of her, and, at least a couple of years after we broke up, she was still thinking of me. Apparently she ran into a friend of mine and asked how I was. I'm not sure if this was just idle conversation, but any insight and help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Filmgeek
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 I don't think a casual 'catching up', "hey, how are you doing?" email would classify as 'stalkerish'. Just keep it casual and non-emotional with a dose of friendly curiosity.
bluetuesday Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 The image of her in your mind has remained static, whereas she has most definitely changed and become a different person. Don't be surprised if your feelings seem to have vanished into thin air when you finally see her again.
tokyo Posted February 28, 2005 Posted February 28, 2005 I would try it, YES!!! But take it slow, when she has changed and you still haven´t moved on, it might look indeed a bit stalkerish. I think that when you had deeper feelings for someone and were not allowed to let things go their own way,like it was in your case, you probably will always have some fond memories of this person and wonder what he did. So I´m sure she will take it with appreciation if you contact her, BUT do not expect her to still be in love with you, because you may have changed, she may have changed and if you think you can take it from where it stopped years ago without her reciprocating your feelings you may really scare her off. Take the cues and go from there, but don´t have expectations and I would rather take it slow, because she will know that you still care for her from that fact that you bothered to contact her, so there´s really no need to enforce it with making hasty love declarations. Good luck
roxy_1980 Posted March 1, 2005 Posted March 1, 2005 You said she was 14 when you were together. Most people don't even know who they are at that age, so how could you really know who she is? She has most likely resolved any feelings for you by now and may be seeing someone. 7 years is a long time. If you do contact her, don't push for a relationship, at least not right away. I'm betting in her mind, this is long over and done.
Universe Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Yes, contact her. No, do not go in with any expectations. Just say you heard she was in town and that it sparked your curiousity. Don't make any declarationship of your feelings. Be freindly. Feel it out. Most likely it will go nowhere. But you could end up being friends and possibly even more. No way to know. But you will definitely never know if you don't give it a shot. I recently was contacted by my high school girlfriend. We broke up 7 years ago as she went to the Naval Academy. I thought I was completely in love with her and it took me years to get over her. I knew I was over her. Then out of the blue she tracked me down and emailed me. There's no attraction between us any longer and are both very different than we were before. But we email each other every couple weeks or so and it's been very nice. I was actually relieved to learn that she's made a fine life for herself without me and is very happy. I'm happy for her, but have no interest in a romantic relationship. And she has a man. Overall, it's been a very positive experience. If anything, it will give you some closure. Then you won't go on comparing every other girl to your memory of a 14 year old.
clynn Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Sure you should. It is quite a gutsy move actually. But definitely you should contact her. Let us know how it goes! You never know!
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